Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Filmmaker Reveals 20 Year Old Mystery

A bunchojunk.com press release
AP-In a hastily set up press conference out side the old Fox Theater in fabulous Hollywood California, director John Hughes addressed a throng of reporters to answer a two decade old question that had puzzled America.

What was the punch line to John Bender's joke?

In 1985 Hughes released a popular film called The Breakfast Club. Despite misconceptions that it was a film about a large plank cavemen used to kill their morning breakfast, the film was a hit.
During one famous scene the character of John Bender (played by Judd Nelson) uttered one of the most famous lines in motion picture history:

"A naked blond walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm, and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says..."

After uttering the unfinished line Judd Nelson broke through the drop ceiling and never finished the line.

Now, on the 20th anniversary of the film, the country was able to breathe a sigh of relief. As Hughes said when he addressed the large crowd "The naked lady says 'I'm just here to see Ben Affleck.'"

It is not often that reporters laugh. This laughter was so loud and riotous that it could be heard as far away as El Segundo, Redondo, Palo Alto and many other California towns that sound more like a new menu item from Taco Bell.

Hughes had guarded the secret punch line closely over the years. "I will only reveal the answer after Judd Nelson passes away" Hughes famously promised back in 1987. Since then he has remained mum about the punch line.

In 1991, after a car wreck in downtown Las Vegas some thought Nelson might be dying. Sadly, he survived and the secret stayed with Hughes.

Until now.

Still, some doubt the punch line.

"Had anyone heard of Ben Affleck in 1985?" queried one puzzled bystander.

Indeed they had. Ben had played C.T. Granville in the short lived TV series "The Voyage of Mimi" just one year earlier.

Other bystanders just thought the joke would have been funnier if it was about Matt Damon.

Hughes was mum about why he chose this moment to reveal the punch line. Many believe it could have to do with the 20th anniversary of the film. Other say it is because Judd Nelson is "dead as far as Hollywood is concerned. Still others say "Hey, you aren't from a real newspaper! How did you get press credentials?"

Perhaps a new mystery is born.


  1. Now if only they reveal why Emilio Estevez married Paula Abdul I will be able to sleep at night.

  2. Anonymous8/02/2005

    Judd Nelson was great in breakfast club. I haven't seen him in a few years. Do you think he's avoiding the spotlight because he's gay?

  3. I like the word throng. That's a cool word.

  4. Anonymous8/02/2005

    You know what this reminds me of? One time I was watching Emilio Estevez and Penn Jillette play celebrity poker on the Travel Channel. Then just before they revealed the mystery of his hand they showed commercials!
    I had to wait 3 minutes and three seconds! What a mystery!

    By the way, at my weekly game I had a pair of 2s and this guy was all like "hey you're bluffin'" and I was all like "That's Texas Hold em style, baby!" That's my catch phrase.

    Sometimes if I'm at a casino and they as me to "drop" on a "fast one" I whip out my "bankroll" and scream "That's Texas Hold em style, baby!"

    Then I get scarred when I think of some of my previous catchphrases: "That's Pokemon, baby!", "That's Rubik Cubin', baby!" and "That's ballroom dancing, baby!"

    What if there is no bandwagon to jump upon after this well dries up? I better hold as many "oiled" hands as possible because "That's Texas Hold em style, baby!"*

    *soon to be replaced with "That's Boardwalk Style, baby"

    **"Guy Who Wont Stop Talking About Texas Hold Em Poker" will soon become "Guy Who Wont Stop Talking About The New Fad of Fast Cash Street Monopoly Board Games"

  5. Anonymous8/02/2005

    I think the new mystery is who is this Mimi person and why is she on a voyage with Ben Affleck?

  6. Anonymous8/03/2005

    I love this press release. Its a very funny concept. Great movie, too. I like Judd Nelson. Great great stuff.

    Also, I am HIV positive.

  7. Anonymous8/03/2005

    Hey Cravipat,
    Maybe "Mimi" was just all the girls screaming "Me! Me!" when Ben asked who wanted to go on a cruise with him.

    Whoo! I hit that one outta the park!

  8. Anonymous8/03/2005

    I bought a VHS tape of Voyage of Mimi on eBay. It was a steal! I bathe with it nightly. I also like to stick my feet into buckets of caramel. Grey Davis in 2007!

  9. Anonymous8/03/2005

    Foul! Foul!
    I know we are all upset about the war, but Ben Affleck cant sail into international waters without permision from the Coast Guard. Foul!

  10. Anonymous8/03/2005

    Hot Dogs, get your hot dogs here. Can't watch the press conference without a hot dog!

  11. Anonymous8/03/2005

    I had a crush on Molly Ringwald.

    This is the word of Todd.

  12. Anonymous8/03/2005

    "El Segundo, Redondo, Palo Alto and many other California towns that sound more like a new menu item from Taco Bell."

    Funniest line...EVER.

  13. Anonymous8/03/2005

    Do carreers have hands? I want to wash those of this "Judd" guy.

  14. Anonymous8/03/2005

    Good stuff. I used to wonder about that joke, for real! Now it's stuck in my head!

  15. Anonymous8/03/2005

    I never saw this film, so I don't get it. Sorry!
    I did like the Taco Bell joke.

  16. Anonymous8/03/2005

    Listen up losers! I got rave reviews for my performance in "Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back" since then I have starred in almost a dozen films and I have three more on the way including TV: The Movie, Black Hole and Lethal Eviction.
    So quit saying that my career is over. Ahhhh who am I kidding. You guys are right. I suck.

    Here's a photo of me looking sad. Thats how I feel.

  17. Anonymous8/03/2005

    "It is not often that reporters laugh. This laughter was so loud and riotous that it could be heard as far away as El Segundo, Redondo, Palo Alto and many other California towns that sound more like a new menu item from Taco Bell."

    Great, Sweetie now I'm starving.

  18. Anonymous8/03/2005

    Don't feel sad Judd. All the other brat packers are out of jobs too. Maybe you just need a party hat. That looks much better.

  19. Anonymous8/03/2005

    I don't know where you get these ideas but the bratwurst packaging industry is as strong as ever.