Thursday, December 07, 2006

Stills from Superman IV

Superman IV.

It's frequently cited as the absolutely worst of the Superman flicks, but I find some charm in it.

First of all, it's short. Really, really short. Good or bad, it doesn't last too long.

Second of all... uh... well, at least it's short.

Recently Warner Brothers put out a big ole 14 disc Superman set. I picked one up and immediately jammed the Superman IV disc in my DVD player and this is what I saw:

Yeah, this guy. Nuclear Man, Lex Luthor's answer to Superman. Lex cloned this dude by using a strand of Superman's hair. That's why this dude has such cool, cool hair.

Speaking of cool, check out the ad on the top of the cab in the background!

Herbie Hancock, Soupy Sales and Laura Branigan! Man! That is some show. I would pay to see that. Soupy could hit Laura in the face with a pie and then Herbie could make some robot mannequin kick Laura in the butt.

That would be great.

This is the part of the movie where Lex appears in Times Square and sings "Hello Dolly."

What I found more interesting is this area:

First you have an all nude show for 25 cents. I would love to see that. Especially if the nude girls were dancing on a pole, but then they took the pole outta the ground and used it to hit Laura Branigan.

Hmmmm, maybe I should speak to someone about my anger toward her.

Also, this shot shows a movie theater that I used to call the "Enemy of the State" theater. I called it that because that was the last film they showed. Then for about 2 years that was on the marquee. I used to take my photo in front of it, figuring if the police ever arrested me in connection with a crime that took place during the time period that Enemy of the State was playing I could use that photo as an alibi.

Of course, I hadn't really committed any crimes when the movie was out... other than the threatening letter I sent to Laura Branigan.

The only thing that is really interesting here is that the sign behind Superman says "New York."

Superman isn't from New York, he is from Metropolis. Sure Metropolis looks just like New York, but it isn't.

Yeah, they have a Times Square and a Statue of Liberty, but they AREN'T New York. Although, this as seems to imply that there is a New York somewhere in Superman's universe and they also have a Statue of Liberty.

This means that the French gave out TWO statues.

Stupid French people... is Laura Branigan French?

Here is my favorite still. HEY! Look, that lady has an "I Love NY" bag!! If only we could ask her where it was.

The cart struck me as even more interesting:


To start with, they have Burger King cups. I have no idea how he got them, but the hot dog guy has Burger King cups.

And he has "Hot Bagels."

His hot dogs are $1, but hot sausage is only 15 cents! Why are pretzels a dollar if knishes are only 10 cents?

And what the hell is a souvlaki?

I don't know, but if I had one I'd share it with Laura Branigan.

It's the least I could do after all she's been through.

Friday, December 01, 2006

The Gary Coleman/Robert Guillaume "The Kid" Trilogy

Here is an odd trilogy of flicks I watched recently:

The Gary Coleman/Robert Guillaume "The Kid" Trilogy.

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It's very odd. I am not sure it's even a real trilogy. But, there are some signs that point that way.

Take a look at the titles of the three TV films that Gary Coleman and Robert Guillaume made together.

Oh wait, you probably don't know them. Sorry.

They are:
1979's The Kid from Left Field

1982's The Kid with the Broken Halo

1983's The Kid with the 200 I.Q.

Look at those titles! Doesn't that indicate a trilogy? However, Coleman and Guillaume played different characters in each film.

I always liked Gary and Robert Guillaume, but I never saw these films until recently.

See I stumbled across "The Gary Coleman Show" on cartoon network. On it Gary played an angel. The cartoon seemed vaguely familiar to me and I was hooked simply because I wanted to find out how Gary died to become an angel.

Seriously, that's a pretty sad way to start a kids cartoon.

After doing a bit of research I found out about the movie. Then, like peeling away the layers of an onion I found little pieces of info on the other two films.

None of them was available on DVD, but I was able to get each on VHS cassette for just a few dollars on eBay.

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The Kid from Left Field:
This was actually a remake of an old 1950's film. In it Guillaume plays a popcorn vendor and Coleman plays his son... the manager of the San Diego Padres.

Yup. The son coaches the team and dad is a vendor. Must make him feel like Robert Guil-LAME!!! (I have been waiting for weeks to use that joke.

Ed McMahon is the manager of the team and... oh yeah... Guillaume's a drunk.

Still, despite a bit of heavy drama with the alcoholic dad, it's a fun and light movie. I think there were three or four other films in the 1990's with the same plot. One of them also featured angels!

The Kid with the Broken Halo:
Did ya catch my super smooth segue? Did you know what a segue was? Did you know that's how it was spelled? Are you still laughing at the Guil-LAME comment?

Anyway, Gary plays a dead kid who makes friends with a bunch of grumpy "live" people as Guillaume looks over his shoulder.

Gary befriends an old actress and a football player... who is also a drunk! Man, the 80's must have been a really drunk time. I wish I had been old enough to enjoy it.

This one was so popular it spawned the cartoon I mentioned before.
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BTW, there was no Robert Guillaume character in the toon. For some reason he was replaced by a nerdy red haired chick.

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The Kid with the 200 I.Q.:
This one was a bit more dramatic than the other two, but at least there weren't any drunks.

There are many odd scenes where Gary talks about sex.


Try and imagine it.

Anyway, the film is about Gary, a smart kid who goes to college at the age of 10 or something. The kids pick on him and his professor (Guillaume) is rally mean and he can't get any sex... really.

So, I bought these films on eBay. I also bought the one where Gary lives in a locker at Grand Central Station and I have a bid on the one where he plays a Cub Scout stuck in a cave.

I can't say it was the best investment I ever made, but I had about 3 hours worth of good VHS fun.

Sadly the combined running time was closer to 5 hours.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Burger King's Xbox Games

Here is an odd bit of marketing. For $3.99 at Burger King you can get one of three different Xbox games. I bought all three... and I don't even have an Xbox.

Yeah, as I sit here holding these three plastic discs in my hand I think " I wish I hadn't chosen the PS2!" I also think "geez, if I set these three plastic discs down it will be much easier to type."

I'm quite a thinker.

Anyway, here is all the info I have on the three games:

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PocketBike Racer: This is a game based on those stupid little motorcycles called pocketbikes that seem to be a big fad lately. I don't get this fad. What's next? Clown cars? It's just stupid.

Anyway, apparently this game has customizable bikes, and you can choose one of five tracks to race on. A Burger King restaurant parking lot, a construction site, a backyard, the King's garden or the Fantasy Ranch set.

I would probably just play in the parking lot and after about 30 seconds of making my character look silly riding a clown bike I would have him go into the restaurant and order a Big Mac. Then he'd look even stupider when they told him that they don't see Big Macs at Burger King. Embarrassed, my character would slink away with a Whopper. Then as he took a bite a pickle would slide out of the burger and onto his white shirt. Then a group of teenage girls would laugh at him.

Minutes later he would arrive home and hang himself in the closet.

Oh damn you PS2!!! Damn you for making me miss the fun of PocketBike Racer!

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Big Bumpin': Oh man, I was excited when I heard that Brooke Burke was in this game! Brooke Burke in a game called Big Bumpin'!

Then I found out it was a bumper cars game.

Oh well, at least you get the chance to steer Brooke, the King or the Subservient Chicken.

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Sneak King: This might be the coolest of the bunch. Oh how I rue the day I chose a Play Station 2!

In this one you play as the King, sneaking around delivering fast food to hungry people. I am not totally sure why you would be sneaking around, but man does that fun!

Maybe you have to sneak around so you can get away from the hungry person AFTER they eat the junk food BEFORE they get severe stomach cramps.

A three really sound like a hoot. They sound like a HOOT, I say!

By that I mean they sound fun, not that they sound like that movie Hoot where a group of kids try and stop a pancake house from being built on an owl preserve.

THAT was no fun. Plus, who likes OWLS more than PANCAKES? No one, that's who.

So in summary, I want an Xbox for Christmas... and pancakes.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Wag The Dog

Way back in 1997 Wag the Dog showed up in theaters across the country. The film was a modest hit making forty some million bucks at the box office.

I went to see it. I couldn't turn down the chance to see a Dustin Hoffman and Robert De Niro flick. As a bonus, (one of my all time favorite actors) Woody Harrelson appears in a killer cameo.

Still, the experience was marred by some doofus in the front row. He had the stupid laugh- kinda like when Goofy laughs in a Disney cartoon.

Hoo hoo hoo.

If that wasn't enough, he punctuated each loud laugh with the words "oh no!"

And he laughed at everything.

And then said "oh no!"

I wanted to punch him.

He even laughed when Willie Nelson's name appeared in the credits.

Then he said "oh no!"

Jeez. How do you tell a guy to stop laughing during a comedy? Could I just tap him on the shoulder and say "could you stop saying 'oh no'?"

The movie itself became the subject of a whole lot of news about a month after it's release.

Hoo hoo hoo, oh no!

In the film the President creates a fake war with Albania after a sex scandal breaks out involving.

In real life, Bill Clinton's sex scandal was followed up by three military campaigns:

Operation Desert Fox: A three day bombing campaign against Iraq.

Operation Infinite Reach: Missile strikes in Sudan and Afghanistan.

Operation Allied Force: A month long bombing spree in Serbia.

Is it just me, or do all of our military campaigns sound like Chuck Norris films?

Anyway, even though Bill Clinton was actually using real bombs to kill real bad guys, some found similarities to the FAKE war in the film.

Not only that, but take a look at the photo of the accuser in the film with the movie "president."

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It looks very similar to the famous photo of Clinton with "that woman."

Also, the movie was directed by Barry Levinson. There are 8 letters in "Levinson" and 7 letters in "Clinton." A difference of 1...


Whoooo, scary.

Al Jazeera liked the similarities and ran a bootleg copy of the film on TV to mock Clinton.

If I was Clinton I would have mocked Al Jazeera for having a network with a name that sounded like R & B singer Al Jarreau.

So stupid, what's next? Do they have a sister station named Clarence "Frogman" Henry?

Hoo hoo hoo, oh no!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Buying shoes on eBay

eBay is fantastic. You can buy any thing you want and have some stranger ship it to you. Then it arrives, usually reeking of cigarettes and old people.

Of course after hanging on the clothesline outside for a week you take it inside and it is good as new.

But should you buy your shoes on ebay?

I decided to investigate.

Here is what I found:

2226 NACHO LIBRE Movie Props -Pair of Women Black Shoes
Wow! For under a dollar you can get your hands on a pair of sexy shoes that shared oxygen with Jack Black for a brief time!

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How cool is that!?!?! Shoes with the same amount of film credits as Colleen Haskell (co-star of the hit Rob Schneider film The Animal.)

MG Midget Brake Shoes 1963-1979
I know, I know, these aren't regular shoes. These are for a car. Still, MIDGET SHOES makes me laugh. Laugh and laugh.

Golden ELF, DWARF SHOES Accessory for Adults A52083
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Now we are talkin'! You and you car's brakes can have matching shoes!
That is fun.

FAR SIDE Morning Help MUG First Pants Then Your Shoes
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I'm not sure I "get" this one.
Let's take a look at the description:
You are bidding on a 1983 FAR SIDE mug. For some morning help to get moving. The wall poster tells this man, to first put on this pants, then his shoes.

Now I get it. They are making fun of retarded people.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I Want a New Duck

I love Halloween. It may just be my favorite holiday of the year (that is assuming 'the day my neighbor's wife finds his Girls Gone Wild tapes and makes him throw them out and I take them out of his trash can' is not a real holiday.)

In the past I have had some pretty good costumes.

Last year I was a piece of beef jerky.
Click here to see it.
I know you want to.

So, the pressure was on to try and top it. I tried to think of something original that I could create for a reasonable price.

I looked into the cost of different fabrics, took a look at some existing patterns...

...and then I just gave up and bought something at the Halloween store.

Take a look:

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That's me in my Donald Duck costume. You know you love it.

It was a huge and rather well made costume. The butt of the costume was most impressive. It was soooo big that I could not fit in the front seat of the car without reclining the seat ALL THE WAY.

My duck butt also knocked over knick knacks and portraits everywhere I went.

Plus, I was wearing tights:
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That's me and my cat. I can't really determine what she thought of it.

If only a cat could communicate shame and embarrassment.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

EVEN More from the Closet

Sadly not everything in life gets finished. We all have tons of evidence of this in our homes. A half built patio. A box of lasagne mix you never made. A Charles Schultz cartoon that you abandoned at the third panel (don't worry she probably just pulled away the football and someone said 'good greif.')

So what do we do? We stick it in the closet promising to one day "finish" it.

Well, has a closet and our closet is full. Full of opening paragraphs, odd facts and photos.

I'll never get around to any of it. Today, feast your eyes on some photos from the closet:

Dolly Madison:
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Grace Coolidge:
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Friday, October 13, 2006

I Pity The Fool: Episode 1-Mo-T-vation

Man oh man did I love this show. You know how sometimes you psych yourself up for something to the degree that you couldn't dislike it under any circumstances?

That's how I felt about this show.

I first heard about this show waaaay back in the summer of 2005. I couldn't wait for it to come together. Since then I have worked as hard as I could to find out more about it.

I even "auditioned" for the show three times.

The first time I told them about a workplace problem at one of my actual jobs. They had me make an audition tape and talk to all of us daily for about 2 weeks before the calls just stopped.

Nothing. Not a thank you. Not even a no thank you.

The second audition was with an theater troupe I work with. That time I told them how we had lost our director and needed Mr. T to come and direct our show.

They passed, but only after finding out about my habit of obsessive collecting. They were amazed at the amount of movies, board games and Mr. T memorabilia that I had.

They came to my home, video taped me and got testimonials from my family about my "problem."

They were excited, I was excited.

They even told me that Mr. T himself was excited about the idea and that he had "less Mr. T items than I had."

That seemed to be a ludicrous statement. Isn't EVERYTHING Mr. T owns a "Mr. T item?"

Well, after a lot of calls they finally decided that I wasn't right for the show. I was a bit too ordinary.

Then, a few months ago I found out that they would be shooting an episode about 90 minutes from my house and I went there to watch.

It was great fun and I even got to meet Mr. T.

Then TV Land ran a 48 hour A-Team marathon (dubbed the Mr. TV Land weekend) and I missed a whole lot of sleep.

I could not have been more psyched for this show.

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Episode one started with an AWESOME opening credit sequence where Mr. T actually broke "jibba jabba" over his knee:

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In this episode Mr. T was summoned to a car dealership that had problems with motivation. They wrote Mr. T a letter and he jogged over to the car dealership to help.

I did the same thing when I was kid! I sent a letter to Mr. T, The Incredible Hulk and Popeye. Sadly, none of them responded and I was stuck with loading the dishwasher every night.

Mom got off easy that time.

Mr. T tells us the problems that the employees of this Nissan dealership have.

Problem #1 is between the owner and his son-in-law.
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See the owner has had dinner with every President since Jimmy Carter, and he looks like Ernest Borgnine:
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His son-in-law has never even had cake with a congressman. Plus he looked just like Scott Peterson:

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Mr. T starts a duologue between the two of them and Scott Peterson cries like a girl.

Soon Mr. T is off to sell a car. He tries his hand at cold calling first, he isn't good at it.

Next thing you know, the dealership has sold a bunch of cars and everyone is happy.

That was it. The show is only 30 minutes and it flies by at an amazing rate.

I loved it.

It was quirky and funny.

I can't wait until episode 2.

Monday, October 09, 2006

My Big Ole Happy Mashed Potato Bar Party

There is a hip trendy new party that is sweeping the nation. Its the "Mashed Potato Bar Party."

In this party people enjoy mashed potatoes in martini glasses and we nominate a presidential candidate who will not win and instead just siphon votes from the established candidate whose beliefs are closest to ours.

The whole idea of eating mashed potatoes out of a martini glass seems like something that Weird Al would have done on his old Saturday morning show, but its better than it sounds.

I recently threw a Mashed Potato Bar Party, and no, you weren't invited.

Sorry, I just didn't have enough potatoes.

Nor did I have martini glasses.

I did have margarita glasses. See, when it comes to alcohol I am not the sophisticated erudite martini type. I am more of the Hawaiian shirt and shorts margarita type.

Ah, who am I kidding. I am the 40 of Colt 45 in a dark room writing a list of those who "wronged" me type.

Anyway, here is what you need to throw your own party:

#1 A bunch of mashed potatoes. I used a box of the "mix flakes with water variety." You might want to go with real mashed potatoes made from scratch. You also might want to use martini glasses. You also might be a stuck up jerk.

Don't be surprised if you make "the list" next time I break out the Colt 45.

#2 Spoons

#3 Sour cream (I left it in the sun for a few hours to make it extra sour.)

#4 Ranch dressing. I mean salad dressing, not cowboy hats. Actually, I would suggest cowboy hats. Maybe next time.

#5 Salsa. I mean the condiment, not the dance. Shoot, the dance would be good too. I better throw a whole new party.

#6 Cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. I had grated cheese, shredded cheese, cheese wiz and "I Can't Believe it's Not Cheese."

#7 Broccoli. Because you always need something that sucks so you remember what things are cool.

#8 Chives. Because it's fun to say chives.

#9 People.

For starters, I invited myself. I was the genial host for my party.

Like any good host, I remembered which piece of broccoli I dropped on the floor and which products were waaaaay past the expiration date and I made sure not to tell anyone else.

You also need guests (were dropping the whole # thing.) I took a few photos of them, but I never got their permission to put them on the site so I have obscured their identities.

Here is the first dude. Let's call him 'Craig.'

'Craig' heard the words "mashed potatoes" and 'bar,' but didn't know I was combining the two. He punched me for taking this photo.

'Craig' liked the cheese wiz and the salsa. He also took a bunch of my CDs and broke some shelves in my bathroom medicine cabinet. I am glad he came by.

The next guest was much more excited to attend. We can call him 'Craig' as well.

'Craig' was also having a good time, but he got into a heated argument with me about whether "chives" and "green onions" were the same thing.

I don't remember what my opinion was except that I am sure it was the right one. I do regret the whole "eye full of salsa" incident.

Sorry 'Craig.'

I have a photo of one more guest:

We can't call him 'Craig' because that was his real name. Lets call him 'Beatrice.'

'Beatrice' didn't take my side in the whole chives/green onions debate. He also suggested that we "play karaoke" but somehow insisted on having absolute silence and a hammer in order to "play karaoke."

I don't think he knew what karaoke meant.

In the end, the Mashed Potato Bar Party was the most fun I have ever had involving potatoes.

Except for that time I took a Mrs. Potato Head and had her make out with my Luke Skywalker figure.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Lil James Madison: The Smallest President

Born in 1751, James Madison was to become our smallest President.

Standing five foot four and weighing a slight one hundred pounds, Madison was the cutest little President you ever did see.

Take a look:

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Don'tcha just wanna pick him up and give him a hug? Then muss up his poofy hair so it looks like a big old paper cone covered in cotton candy.

Or maybe one of those funnel cakes. Mmmm. Those are great. With powdered sugar on top. Whoo hoo.

Or maybe like a bucket of chicken...

Uh, I better finish this off so I can go to lunch.

Madison was the eldest of twelve children. I did a little research, if you combined the weight of ALL twelve of the Madison kids it would be just UNDER the weight of the two oldest Baldwins.

Madison was raised in the Church of England which was the state religion of Virginia at that time. I don't know anything about the church of England, but I bet they added the letter 'U' to at least one word in every sentence in their bible. I bet they also secretly admit that even the British don't 'get' British humor.

Madison attended the College of New Jersey (later to become Princeton University), finishing its four-year course in two years. He was so exhausted by this amount of work that he was sick for quite some time.

The moral of this story is "NEVER OVERACHIEVE." Or maybe it's "cute little presidents just need to lie down and nap more."

When he got better, he served in the state legislature and followed in the footsteps of Thomas Jefferson. He became a prominent figure in Virginia state politics, helping to draft the state's declaration of religious freedom.
Then some other stuff happened, he married Dolly Madison and he became a tiny little president.

I got get lunch.

Interesting facts about Madison:

Madison was a second cousin of the 12th U.S. President, Zachary Taylor.

Madison was the first US President who wasn't the vice president to the previous president.

Madison County, Ohio is named after James Madison.

His last words were, "I always talk better lying down."

Interesting facts I just made up about Madison:

When scrambled his last name sorta spells "Son Is Mad." He had children and occasionally they got mad.

His most prized possession was his collection of Peter Tork autographs.

He liked the taste of buttermilk so much that he considered making it the "National Taste." He also considered making it the "National Milk," the "National Butter" and the "National Broadcasting System."

His last words, "I always talk better lying down," were often quoted by future President Bill Clinton. Clinton said this usually to get female reporters into bed. The rest of the time he said it to get skinny dudes with long hair into bed. We all get lonely sometimes.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


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When I hear it, I think of mountains, open space and that guy who was quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.

Unless it's spoken by a dude with a thick Spanish accent. Then I usually think about actor Joe Mantenga.

Sometimes, if Montana is said by a sexy senorita with a thick Spanish accent, I just think about makin' whoopie.

But, I digress.

Montana is a state. It's one of either 50 or 52 states that exist in the U.S.

I can never remember which is the amount of states and which is the number of cards in a deck.

Montana is derived from the Spanish word for mountain (Mantenga is derived from the word "mediocre.")

The capitol city of Montana is Helena and the largest city is Billings. Yup. That big old city of Billings Montana.

Whoo hoo! Things are rockin' out in Billings. Billings sets the tone for the nation. If you don't play in Billings you don't play.

Although I may be confused. Maybe Helena is the biggest city and Billings is just a card deck.

Let us take a look at the Montana state song:

Written by Charles C. Cohan
Composed by Joseph E. Howard

I bet Charles C. Cohan begs people to call him "Triple C."

I bet Joseph E. Howard just begs people to call him.

Tell me of that Treasure State
Story always new,
Tell of its beauties grand
And its hearts so true.

Mountains of sunset fire
The land I love the best
Let me grasp the hand of one
From out the golden West.


Montana, Montana,
Glory of the West
Of all the states from coast to coast,
You're easily the best.
Montana, Montana,
Where skies are always blue
Montana, I love you.

Each country has its flow'r;
Each one plays a part,
Each bloom brings a longing hope
To some lonely heart.

Bitter Root to me is dear
Growing in my land
Sing then that glorious air
The one I understand.

Sheesh, even the song is boring. I wanna strangle someone with a Bitter Root.

Montana is a big freakin' state. It is so big in fact that you could place Rhodie Island, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, New York City, Disney's California Adventure, wrestling legend Rikishi Fatu and 30 decks of Bicycle playing cards on top of Montana and still have room for all the bowls of Froot Loops that you would have to eat to get the vitamins in one bowl of total.

Still, as big as it is Montana has NO PRO SPORTS TEAMS.


Not a single one.

They do have a handful of minor league baseball teams:

Missoula Osprey - I assume this is one of them, but it also might be a disorder you get from drinking syrup.

Great Falls White Sox - Again, this is possibly one of their teams. Its also possible that it is just a pair of socks.

Helena Brewers - I think I dated Helena Brewers in High School. I would have remembered if she was also a sports team.

Billings Mustangs - Yeah. Imagine a fun packed night in Billings checking out the hard hitting action of the Mustangs.

Here is a bit of Montana trivia:
Montana has the largest grizzly bear population in the lower 48 states.

I hear one night a grizzly bear fell asleep on Billing's most traveled highway during rush hour.
The traffic was held in place for 2 hours. Both drivers were very angry.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

More from the Closet

Sadly not everything I start gets finished. No, I have bunches and bunches of stuff that never gets completed.

And like any well meaning person, I save ALL of it. Just like you might save knick knacks, baby pictures and episodes of Breaking Bonaduce.

I bet your closet is full of that stuff.

Just like the closet.

You know if I write short sentences, the article looks bigger!

Especially if I put spaces between each line.

Isn't that cool?

Anyway, what follows is more of the junk that WASN'T fit to print before.

First up is a photo that WOULD have been part of an article about Lassie and Mister Rogers.

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It's pretty cool. Still, it can't hold a candle to this other deleted passage about mustaches:

I love mustaches. I am so glad they don't cause cancer. You know, because so many cool things seem to cause cancer.
But not mustaches.
Imagine the panic that would grip the nation if we found out that mustaches were infecting the faces of men everywhere. Think of how conflicted Burt Reynolds would be. Cancer? Or being mustache-less.
I bet he would keep the mustache.
I also bet Morgan Spurlock would shave his 'stache.

Yes, I had my finger on the pulse of America that day. Speaking of mustaches, here is an unfinished piece that has nothing to with mustaches.

Kevin Costner made a few movies about baseball. Bull Durham, For Love of the Game, even Dances With Wolves is kind of about baseball.
Think about it. Costner is the home team, the wild west is Dodger Stadium and that guy who played the painter on "Murphy Brown" is Hee-Seop Choi.
Of course you never want to

I'm not sure how I planned to end that sentence, but I hope it had something to do with Injuns... or the balk rule.

There is tons more gripping, high quality concepts that you really need to check out. For example, my examination of how I look "with" and "without" my hands in my pockets:

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It's tough to choose whether I like "with" or "without." They both have their advantages. For example: if a hot chick was about to trip and fall I would have a better chance to catch her if I went with the "without" look. Of course, if it was a smelly dude who was covered in marmalade "with" would probably give me better excuse for not helping him.

I know it seems stupid, but wouldn't this site have benefited from those photos? Or how about a photo of a little car:
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Yes, it may have done some good. Still, I can take comfort in the fact that you have now seen it. And the closet now has more room for my new bowling ball.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Me and Lassie go to Mooby's

Lassie has returned! The famous collie has once again graced the big screen and charmed audiences everywhere.

The new flick takes place in London or the U.K. (are they the same place?) and involves Lassie's trip across Scotland. Along the way she has encounters with a Clydesdale, a midget and the Loch Ness Monster.

I am not making that up.

I wanted to visit the beautiful locations from Lassie, but I like to pour bottled water on sleeping passengers whenever I fly. So, as long as the "liquid ban" is in place, I don't fly.

In lieu of traveling by boat I decided to do the next best thing. I took Lassie to the shooting location of Clerks II.

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Sure, Lassie was disappointed when she saw that the Mooby's fast food joint had been demolished, but she was happy to run around in the empty parking lot.

What fun she had, sprinting around cracked asphalt jumping over small concrete parking spot thingies and avoiding chards of broken bottles.

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Look Lassie! There is a Day's Inn in the background! They say they have a pool AND HBO. I told Lassie I once stayed at a Day's Inn. She seemed to smile. Unfortunately it wasn't until this very moment that I realized that was a Comfort Inn, not a Day's Inn.

Perhaps she would not have been as happy if she knew the truth.

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Later Lassie laughed at my giant sunglasses. I laughed at the fact that Lassie is routinely played by MALE dogs. Then we both laughed at the concept of Benji the Hunted.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Mister Rogers Museum Exhibit

Before he died, Mister Rogers created an exhibit for the Children's Museum of Pittsburgh.

The exhibit has been on tour and I caught it recently at the Port Discovery Museum in Baltimore.

When you enter you are greeted by Mister Rogers himself via videocassette. He talks to kids and parents about why this exhibit was created. Luckily I arrived right when the museum opened so I got to hear the whole thing. Exactly five minutes after I arrived, the place was swarming with children and the place was as loud as Herb's jacket (sorry, I have been watching too much WKRP in Cincinnati.)
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Then there is a full sized replica of the Mister Rogers set.

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Sitting on the replica bench seat was a GENUINE pair of Mister Rogers shoes! Good lord! It's like seeing John Lennon's guitar or Ty Cobb's bat.

A pair of Mister Rogers' shoes! This very pair was tossed into the air as he sung "it's such a good feeling."

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Over in the closet were a bunch of replica sweaters for the kids to try on, but there was also a GENUINE Mister Rogers sweater! Wow! First the shoes and now THIS! This was like seeing John Lennon's drug stash or the gun Ty Cobb used to kill the elevator operator that got too "sassy" for his tastes.
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This exhibit was probably great for kids, but it was also very cool for anyone who has a nostalgic connection to Fred Rogers.

Check out Mister Rogers' front porch:
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Near the front porch was a familiar sight:
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It's a traffic light, just like the one in Fred's TV house. It had a sign above it asking "why is there a traffic light in your living room?"
Fred's answer was a simple one: he had gotten it as a gift and didn't know what else to do with it.

The question of "why did 4 teenagers have to die because your friends stole a traffic signal creating an uncontrolled intersection snuffing out 4 potentially bright futures?" was thankfully unanswered.

Also on hand was Lady Elaine's Museum Go Round and a floor that looked like a giant Twister game:
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If you go, don't try "left hand red, right foot purple." It really, really hurts.

Daniel Striped Tiger's "hand-less" clock is also recreated at the museum. I got on the other side and started mixing drinks for the kids.
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There was also a lot to learn on signs displayed throughout the museum.
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This one explains why they show so many factory tours on Mister Rogers. Another explains why Union factory workers are so grumpy.

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I am pretty goofy.

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Inside the castle were doors for every letter of the alphabet. Behind "A" was an apple. Behind "B" was the body of a guy who crossed a Union factory picket line.

Behind letter "D" was my favorite (get ready to say "awwwww"):
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Darling Daniel.

Hey, remember when we talked about the Mister Rogers episode where he soaked his feet? There was a sign about THAT episode in the museum:
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Rogers and neighbor Officer Francois had soaked their feet TWICE on the show, a few decades apart.

After the shock of learning of the OTHER foot soaking episode I headed off to X the Owl and Henrietta Pussycats tree house.

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After scaring a bunch of kids I headed off to the trolley:

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A push of a button moved trolley around his hermetically sealed bubble.

And on the other side of the museum a full sized trolley stood for kids to explore and grown men without shame to pose for pictures in.
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I didn't see anything else in the museum, but I really liked this museum. It was a bunch of fun and gave me lots of insight into factories and foot soaking.

Since I really can't think of a good way to close this article, let me leave you with another foot soaking picture:

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