Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Cooking with Victor

I have thought about it before. I am sure you have. In fact I bet there is not a person in America who has never thought about it:

"What would it be like to eat dinner with the guy who plays Doug's black friend on TV's King of Queens?"

Finally, we can find out.

Yes, Victor doesn't mind cooking - that is, for the ladies. Yes, this revealing page that I ripped out of a magazine at the dentist's office reaffirms that, Victor is ashamed of his homosexuality.

Or he could be straight.

Either way, he can cook. But don't just take MY word for it, take his:

"Actually, I 'trick' the ladies into thinking I have culinary skills."

TRICK???? He's some kind of magician! Victor never reveals the secrets of his 'trick', but no good magician does.

Still, he tells us one of his recipes. Well, it's not actually his. He STOLE it.

It's a Coconut Soup with Salmon. Victor FOUND the recipe but substituted 'salmon' for 'chicken.'

Still, he has no problem keeping his name on it. "Victor William's Coconut Milk Soup with Salmon."

It is because of Victor that I present:

Sweetie Guy Hutchinson's Original Song, AMERICAN CAKE

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But February made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss American CAKE
Drove my Chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "This’ll be the day that I die.
"This’ll be the day that I die."

100% original. Sing it as you eat Victor's original recipe.


  1. Now I want cake. Grrrrr.

  2. Anonymous8/12/2005

    Victor is on King of Queens. You should mention that!

  3. Gene Hackman is so cool salmon substitute chicken with him!

  4. I'll bet he cooks his phony receipe in one of those restaurant's owned by a Mr. T imposter.

    You're not going to send me to the cooler!!

  5. Anonymous8/12/2005

    Salmon- I hardley knew him!

    Whew! I missed that one completly.

  6. Anonymous8/12/2005

    Foul! Coconut milk is just foul.

    blah blah blah... upset about the war.

  7. Anonymous8/12/2005

    I always liked salmon milk soup with coconut and the song Portugal Pie better.

  8. Anonymous8/13/2005

    I'm not a person in America but I too have thought "What would it be like to eat dinner with the guy who plays Doug's black friend on TV's King of Queens?".

    But only after you mentioned it.

  9. Bake, Bake, Miss American Cake
    Drove my Ford to the fjord but the fjord was a lake
    Us good ol' girls were drinkin' booze with a rake
    Singin' this'll be the dude that i'll take
    Yeah this'll be the dude that i'll ta-a-ake