Friday, October 16, 2009

My Disney Cruise: Day 3

As we creep into Thanksgiving, I am really feeling silly that I haven't finished my report on my Disney Cruise from this summer.

It's not laziness that has keeping me from finishing this... it's really the fact that there isn't anything to joke about in it.

So don't really expect to be amused as I present:

DAY 3:
We docked at Castaway Cay which is Disney's private island. I wrote about day 1 and 2 so long ago that I don't even remember what happened then. But I do remember day 3.

The island was awesome. Really well done. Chip and Dale were there:

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They are normally naked, but when they go to the beach they put on 1920s era swimsuits.


Also just off the coast is the Flying Dutchman ship from Pirates of the Caribbean:

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I thought that was pretty cool.
On the island they had hermit crab races. Basically they would draw a circle on the ground, toss in some crabs and then watch them wander out of the circle.

They don't like it if you eat the winning crab, I found out.

Stitch served as a DJ on the island. He also claimed to be dating Lyndsay Lohan (is that funny? I can't really tell at this point.)

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Here is a photo:

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This happened too.

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Here is a picture of Mitchell Musso rockin' my socks off during a deck party.

Seriously, if I go see him again I won't wear any socks. (NOTE- replace with funny joke before publishing)
He plays Hanna Montana's brother, BTW.

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Turn down service always included a towel animal in your room:

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I stayed at a Red Roof Inn once and found an actual animal in my towel. I don't find these things as cute since then.

That night was Pirate night.

I wore my Pirates' hat:

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That is probably the best I can do for humor here. I hope you loved it.

DAY 4 coming... soon? Probably not.

Monday, October 05, 2009

The Nasty Boys

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I don't have much to say about this... except for I MET THE NASTY BOYS!

I know, it really isn't that impressive. I met bigger stars before. Heck, I met The Rock. These guys aren't really that important to the history of wrestling, but there was something so cool about meeting them.

For starters, Knobbs is Hulk Hogan's best friend. I met Hulk Hogan, too but meeting Knobbs seems funnier.

Actually, it's not fair to say Knobbs is Hogan's best friend. But he is tied for the top spot with Brutus Beefcake who was standing about 10 feet away.

Anyway, here is an exceptionally stupid video of The Nasty Boys from the mid 1990s:

It starts out with The Nasty Boys telling us that they are going to the Maryland Science Center. They make some comment that the building isn't nastycized enough. But, they go inside anyway. Then they build a Lego tower with some kids. Then Scaggs presses a button that makes the Legos fall apart.

Actually, they don't fall apart so Knobbs has to push them over and pretend to be angry.

Next they encounter a big set of round metal balls. I am sure Knobbs was dying to do a Robocop joke.

A bearded Rick Moranis guy turns the set of balls on and the static electricity is supposed to make Knobbs' mullet stand up. It doesn't really work.

Then Saggs runs off and leaves Knobbs. I am starting to realize why Hulk Hogan chose Knobbs as his buddy.

Later Knobbs runs into a lady that looks like my friend Ted's mom.

I wish you knew her. You would laugh so much.

Maybe I should take a photo with her and then write a poorly written post about it.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go nasticize.

Monday, September 28, 2009

youtube Junk #3 The Doughnut/Donut Edition

Here is a gem from the past:

Yep, that's WWE Legend Don Muracco eating a doughnut. Or a donut. I don't care how you want to spell it... but if you know what a "bear claw" is I would love to know.

Anyway, that video is one of the greatest wrestling promos I have ever seen... involving a donut.

But... is it the greatest... donut eating... video ever? Does a better video... even exist? Is it... on youtube? Is my use of ellipses just awkward... and wrong?

Here is a video:

Nice. I especially like music and his poster of WWE wrestler Batista... not quite Don Muracco, but very nice.

How about a video of a groundhog eating a donut...?:

Yeah, that rocks. I love how the zoom on his camera sounds like someone is dialing on to AOL in 1996. Also, at the end you hear some whispering that does not seem groundhog related. I like to imagine they are talking about what types of scented soaps they use... and Batista... and what soap he might use.

I love this next one:

Everything about it makes it awesome.
First: Black cat eating a doughnut... Awesome.
Second: Meticulously neat display of bottle cap magnets... Awesome.
Third: Rhymes with turd... Awesome.
Fourth: Footage in the background of Drew Carey juggling a mic... Awesome.

I don't get British comedy:

The title card tells us some guy named Bungle eats a donut... in one. It seems that that means 'in one bite.' I am not sure that that is a typo or some British slang.
Anyway, after sticking the donut in his mouth he chases another guy around (why isn't there Benny Hill music on this clip???) and someone screams "Donutman!"
Then he almost chokes on it and it sounds like British Cookie Monster takes possession of the camera and says "Bloater... yum yum yum."

Moving on:

In this clip Fleetwood Mac (I think) plays in the background as some lady jams a whole donut in her mouth as some guys says "get the whole thing in there" in Minnesotan.
Then she shouts out "I watch Jim" referring (of course) to the smash hit ABC show 'According to Jim' starring John Belushi's brother. I think his first name is Don.

Just like Don Muracco.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

My Trip to the Franklin Mills Mall

When I was a kid an exciting new mall opened... it was GIGANTIC. They called it "The Franklin Mills Mall" but to me, it was like going to Disneyland.

This mall was so big that on the rare occasion we visited it meant a day of sore feet and adventure.

OK, maybe I am overstating it... but it was a fun place to go.

Over the years the mall has been dying a little. It lost many of the top stores that made it a great place to shop. They have been replaced by lots of outlet stores and far too many empty stores.

Still, when I was in the neighborhood I decided to stop by and check it out.

Hey! It's Mr. T and the FlavorWave oven! I actually met Mr. T in this mall when I was a teen. He was promoting his comic book at the time. Today, it's the Flavorwave.

If you haven't seen the infomercial for this product, I suggest you seek it out. If it is to be believed, this oven is like a magic crock pot that can make dinner for 4 in 30 seconds.

And I do believe it. Mr. T has never steered me wrong.

Oh wow.

Sorry, I was just thinking of how cool it would be to actually BE Mr. T's car. I pity the road.

This is the food court area. This is where I met Mr. T.

Today I met a taco and heartburn.

This was a giant poster of a guy beating up a bag of Skittles.

Here is another weird ad. I don't know what it is for, but it shows a Geena Davis looking lady riding on the back of a motorcycle while wearing crazy pants.
She isn't wearing a helmet.

These ancient Sega Dreamcast games said they are "guaranteed to play." I decided to prove them wrong. I didn't play them.

This is a DVD called Forever Lulu. It's about two Martina Navratilova looking broads that turn New York City upside down.

This "claw machine" was shaped like a Volkswagen bus. I assume it was full of dirty hippies.

No wait... it's full of Care Bears. That's even worse.

This was a bungee jumping thingamajig. Sure, it's exciting... but not as exciting as putting on crazy pants and riding on the back of a motorbike with no helmet.

Then I went home.

Hulk Hogan's Parents

Last night I watched WWF wrestling from Madison Square Garden... from January 23, 1984.

That was the night that Hulk Hogan won the WWF title from Iron Sheik and rocketed Hogan to become an international star.

I have a subscription to a service called WWE Classics On Demand through my cable service. It is ESSENTIAL to anyone who is or was ever a wrestling fan. Every month a few dozen programs are added from many different wrestling federations and many different decades.

A long time ago they reran the Hogan/Sheik bout. I recorded it and last night I finally watched it.

Usually I skim through these old wrestling cards. I watch matches that seem good and skip the ones that seem to be a waste.

But not on this occasion.

It was interesting to relive what it must have been like watching that show back in 1984.

The card had some other great moments. A pre-G.I. Joe Sgt. Slaughter was on the card. He was also what they call a "heel" or a "bad guy" or a "Baldwin."

Also on the card was a midget tag match. During the match one of the bald midgets was turned upside down and spun like a top.

I know, I know. It's politically correct to say "little person."

As much as I understand that using the wrong term can be degrading... HE TURNED HIM UPSIDE DOWN AND SPUN HIM LIKE A TOP. The term "midget" was the least degrading part of the match.

Anyway, I am stalling just to add extra paragraphs to a really paper thin topic.

Bottom line is that after Hogan won the title the show still had over 1 hour left. So, to keep the focus on Hogan they cut back to him a couple times.

One time was the famous interview where Andre the Giant poured champagne over the Hulkster...

The other was this...

Hulk Hogan was interviewed with his parents.


The other day I was driving by a Long John Silver restaurant. The sign in the window read "Lobster Bites $2.99."

I pulled the car over and ran in. I asked for the "$2.99 lobster bites" and handed them money.

They brought out a lobster and it bit me.

No, that's just silly. Actually they gave me a very generous portion of deep fried lobster... or so I thought.

The truth is that it isn't reeeaaaallly lobster.

It does seem odd that they can afford to sell lobster IN ANY QUANTITY for under $3.

Now, I don't have a horror story to tell you. There isn't anything terrible in there, it just isn't lobster. At least not the lobster you expect.

They refer to the meat as "buttered real Langostino" a quick Google search finds that Langostino is a code word for SQUAT LOBSTER.

Seriously, that is what it's called.

According to Wiki they are:
...not lobsters at all, but are more closely related to porcelain crabs, hermit crabs and then, more distantly, true crabs.

I don't have anything more to say. I just wish I had You Can't Do That On Television on DVD.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

ANOTHER Charlie McCarthy board game!

A while back I did a junk about board games featuring Charlie McCarthy.

It was an in-depth study of several board games that were produced in the 1930s starring the famous ventriliquist dummy.

I had been collecting them for a brief time before I wrote the peice and I thought I had covered ALL of the Charlie McCarthy games produced.

I was wrong.

This popped up on eBay the other day. It's called Charlie McCarthy Put and Take Bingo.

It's a pretty simple game with one complicated twist... IT NEVER ENDS.

Seriously, if you follow the rules for this game you will play it for the remainder of your LIFE!

Perhaps that is why I couldn't find any information on the internet about this game.

Maybe there are some folks out there STILL trying to roll an 8 so that they can take back the last chip.

Since this article was neither funny nor informational I have decided to suppliment it with photos and random info.


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Sid Vicious:

Sid was born Sid Eudy in Arkansas back in 1960. At some point in his life he decided to join the ranks of Pro Wrestling. After all, he was 6 foot 9 and 320.

And, he was dumb as a bottle of strawberry syrup.

Sid started wrestling in 1987 after running into Randy "Macho Man" Savage. Can you imagine what that conversation sounded like?

MACHO: Oh yeah!
SID: I am really tall.
MACHO: Dig it! This is Macho Madness talking to you right now.
SID: Really, really tall.
MACHO: Snap into a Slim Jim. Spicy beef snacks! Get down!
SID: I could really go for some milk, with strawberry syrup.
MACHO: Macho man says dig it! Ohhhhhhhh yeah!

Yeah, I bet it was something like that.

Trousers are an item of clothing worn on the lower part of the body from the waist to the ankles, covering both legs separately (rather than with cloth stretching across both as in skirts and dresses). Such items of clothing are often referred to as pants in countries such as Canada, South Africa, Northern England and the United States. Additional synonyms include slacks, kegs or kex, breeches or breeks.

Seacrest out.

My Disney Cruise: Day 2

This is the report of my second day on the Disney Wonder.

If you haven't read part one... good for you! Close your browser and go outside and enjoy the world.

If not... courage!

DAY 2:
This was the first full day on the ship.
On this day they docked at Nassau in the Bahamas.

Here is the view of Nassau from the ship:
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Isn't it beautiful??
I had signed up for a tour of Nassau that included a stop at Ardastra Gardens (which is a small zoo.)

One of the first things I saw from the tour bus was this billboard:
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Oh, Nassau, you classy vacation destination!

The tour took us around all of the finest spots in Nassau.

We saw this statue of Christopher Columbus:
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Then this:
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And this:
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And this:

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And this:

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And this:
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And this:

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And this:
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And this:
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And this:
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And this:
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I wrote a poem about Nassau:

Nassau: The Poem

By Guy Hutchinson

I went to Nassau on a hot day
It was a filthy ghetto
San Dimas High School Football Rules!

End of poem.

Seriously. The TOUR of Nassau took me to burned out buildings and crack houses

Anyway, eventually I ended up at the zoo.
It was a very small zoo. I liked it. It was very quaint and you could walk among the flamingos:
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The flamingos also do a show in a small area there. Nothing spectacular, but tons of fun. I was a volunteer for the show and that meant that I got to stand in the middle of the area with a half dozen other guests as flamingos pecked at my clothes and leaned on me. It was awesome.

They also had other birds, goats, meerkats and other animals.

Back on the ship I watched Lilo & Stitch poolside (which is an awesome way to see a movie)
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The characters were in formal wear on this day.
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The characters had several different outfits throughout the cruise (beachwear, formal wear, sailor outfits, Pirate outfits, etc.)
The show on this day was Toy Story : The Musical. It was a lavish show that ran about 70 minutes. The music was great and the performances were superb.
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After dinner I got to get my picture taken with Captain Gus.
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If you are wondering what happens when he is not at the helm he said "There are many other captains on the ship. Captain Mickey, Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain hook..."

Day 3 coming soon...

Still haven't gotten to Day 3...

In the meantime... here is some other Disney nonsense:

Micehat talks Lance Bass

The post that was too EXTREME for Micechat.