Thursday, May 31, 2007

Bathroom signage in Disney's Animal Kingdom

Animal Kingdom is the newest Disney theme park within the massive Florida resort.

It's not really new anymore, but it is still newest. Blah blah blah. Intro intro.


Here is the sign outside the men's room near the Dinosaur ride:

Take a good look at that. The dude has a GIANT bee on top of his head. Like an alien insect here to suck out his brains and fill the brain hole with pollen.

Sweet pollen.

The ladies don't have it much better:

A big Starship Trooper's reject is floating over her head.

Look at the dude again:

That bee is NOT floating. He has landed and I do NOT see his stinger. BECAUSE IT HAS PIERCED THE MAN'S SKULL.

Think of the fear this instill in guys. Sure, you may have to pee, but do you want a bee the size of that bearded midget that was on Seinfeld permanently parting your hair?

Look at the ladies room sign again:

I think she is CONTROLLING that bug. I think that bug might even be Mothra. Perhaps the female shown is one of those two ladies that follow Mothra around and sing songs about her.

I just decided to "hold it in" until I got to Camp Mickey Minnie.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Bane searches the web for

If you enter through the blogger address it has a fake Google screen grab where " isn't stupid" is being searched. Google then asks "did you mean ' IS stupid.'"

It always made me laugh, but I always wondered if it was true.

2 seconds worth of research would have told me it wasn't but I just never bothered.

Until today.

I was stumped as to what I should write for the "3rd Anniversary Extravaganza" and suddenly it came to me:


And I did.


The end.

Wait, I was just informed that I have to contribute at least 3 or 4 more paragraphs. Well, let's try searching ""

Did you mean:

What is Google's obsession with I checked it out. Not funky enough for me, I must admit. - Cached - Similar pages

bunchojunk.comwelcome to Written by Sweetie Guy Hutchinson. Powered by Blogger. counter. - 10k - Cached - Similar pages Mr. Toad's Wild RideMr. Toad's Wild Ride. In 1949 Walt Disney Pictures released The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad. It is an odd film by Disney standards. ... - 28k - Cached - Similar pages
[ More results from ]

There it is!! Eat your heart out - reposted from (view more) ... A smatttering of (view more). [View All Blog Entries] ... - 139k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Back To The Future THE MUSICAL In Madrid (For Real?) [Archive ...I found a funny post about this on ... Of course, from a site called "," none of the posts are likely to be legitimate. ... - 22k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Sure, theres the Myspace page, but notice below that. There is a post about Back to the Future discussing a post from

I love this comment: Of course, from a site called "," none of the posts are likely to be legitimate.

Anybody else notice this? [Archive] - MiceChatI even wrote an article about it on my WEBSITE ( (plug... plug... plug.) ... - 12k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Soleil Moon Frye - ZimbioA long time ago presented a silly little article called "Movie Marathons." You can read the original version here . Get ready for some fun! ... - 35k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Sweetie posted a link to something on Mice Chat, but it's the second result that I find interesting. A Soleil Moon Frye fan site noticed that she was mentioned in a article.

Can you believe that??? A Soliel Moon Frye fan site!!!

The Shallow End of the Pool: Checking InThere's a post about it over on is to your left! # posted by Strutter71 : 2:18 PM. Post a Comment ... - 19k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages ...8 hours ago from more articles. Jimmy Carter delivered this televised speech on July 15, 1979. Good evening. This is a special night for me. ... - 24k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Here we see the site linked to on a blog... and on a very serious site about the war on terror. Funny.

nobs: Origins of Political At 9:20 AM, Anonymous said... At 9:20 AM, Anonymous said... ... - 70k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Favorite LinksI may also include an explanation of what I like about the site. I look to this site for inspiration. It makes me laugh. J'aime vous. ... - 21k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

This guy was inspired by Sweetie. Too bad his site sucked.

{"count":75,"value":{"title":"Copy of Aggregated News Alerts ...... target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/\/blogs\/http:\/\/\"> more articles<\/a><\/strong> ( - 166k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

nobs 9:13 AM; Anonymous said... 9:13 AM; Anonymous said... 9:21 AM; Anonymous said. ... - 48k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Late Night Series :: Viewing profile[0.00% of total / 0.00 posts per day] Find all posts by Guy Hutchinson. Location:. Website:, Occupation:. Interests: ... - 19k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages is a website for performing whois lookups on domain names ... - 384k - Cached - Similar pages

I am shocked to see mentioned alongside such lousy sites as, and

So shocked I am ending this search right here.

Congrats on 3 years, buddy.


Posted by Guy Hutchinson

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

You said it! One year of BOJ comments

Every time someone new goes to this site I always dread hearing their opinions.

Not because I think my work is sub-par. No, I think I am a genius word-smith.

It's you people I worry about.


Because without fail the first thing I hear about this site is "It's so funny... especially the comments at the bottom."



Well, you guys are funny.

Truthfully, I often take credit for your work. I tell people I am actually Mr. Freeze, Hot Dog Vendor, Jason, CRAIG and Not Enough Duff.

I also once stabbed a man who asked if I was Jim Shorts.

So, lets take a look at some of the funny things YOU wrote during this year of posts:

Handwasher of the Dead said...
Ahh, I have missed Robert Reed so much. I remember when he passed away. I approached him and scrubbed his hands clean. They smelled like grapes.

Metal Mark said...
That was your best Jeffrey Tambor post ever...for what it's worth.

Katz said...
Fab. Just fab. I saw this in the theater when it came out. I remember that the floor was sticky. I don't recall the movie at all.

Strutter71 said...
I also own a PS2. No XBox here. I did, however, see these advertised on TV and wondered aloud who the hell would buy them?
I should have known the answer before I even asked the question.

Mr. Fuji said...
Oh the Shiek thinks he is so big... uh... oh yeah. Nevermind.

Jason said...
Not to nitpick but you did spell Calvin's name wrong in the fun facts section. You spelled it Chester A. Arthur.
My favorite Calvin is the almost unheard of Calvin and the Squirrels, which were an obvious knock off of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Not Enough Cuffs said...
Cuffs is my favorite Christian Slater. I watch the film 2, maybe 4 times a day. I can't get enough of that film.
I'm going to watch it after I'm done posting.

Hot Dog Vendor said...
Yankee Doodles! Get your Yankee Doodles here! Can't enjoy the post without a Yankee Doodle.
Oh, btw, I am talking about the snack cake.

Don Muraco's Elbow Macaroni said...
Mmmmm. I'm delicious.

Todd The God said...
I also wonder why Chunk has two letters on his shirt.
I spend my saturdays playing scrabble and I use Chunk and company as playing peices.
I am filthy stinking rich.
This is the word of Todd.

Anthony Iron said...
You're the guy that stole my autographed picture!

Not Enough Hawk II said...
I started to get excited about this post then you started talking about Tony Hawk.
I am not a fan.
I like Road Warrior Hawk.
To save time, please pretend that I also posted an identical post about Hudson Hawk.

Jason said...
My favorite extra is the gum. Not the gum called Extra, though. I prefer Hubba Bubba. I think I remember seeing it in the background of some move.

Not Enough Fluff said...
I love stories on the news about water skiing racoons and dogs that were accidently issued credit cards. I wish the news did more stories about babies get jury summons!

Jim Shorts said...
Here's my list:
1. Foul
2. Foul
3. Upset about the war
4. Foul
5. Barb Wire

Mr. Freeze said...
With all due respect, I have a different perspective on this event.
From what I recall, we went to Seattle for an event to honor Walter Lantz's nephew Roger Lantz and showcase some Mike Judge cartoons.
The first even we were attending was called "Two Decades of 'That Boy Ain't Right.' And Other Catch Phrases America Never Picked Up," and was being held at the King Music Theater, a 225-seat theater on Pike Street in Seattle.
There was a showing of Fantasia the night before, with a live orchestra, and we attended it.
Thom Cardwell, the Festival's executive director came on stage second. He was surrounded by two of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen. One was clearly his wife, while the other was his eldest daughter. He had a dumbbell in one hand and slapped his wife gently on the behind as she went behind the stage. He talked for a while about much he loves his wife and four kids.
Anyway, Thom introduced Roger Ebert, who introduced Roy Disney, who then introduced Roger Lantz.
Roger mentioned "….they had made a movie, all of you saw and shattered box office records everywhere called The Black Cauldron."
The audience remained silent. A tumbleweed blew across the stage. With a look of awe, Roger screamed, "Screw you! I don't need your charity, you bastards."
I seem to remember a different compilation of shorts, but all seven of them were just a montage of Hank Hill saying, "That boy Ain't Right." Including an odd short, where Hank, Bobby, Peggy, LuAnn, Dale, a toaster, Senn Penn, Ethan Hawke, a stapler and minature schnauzer were all played by Eddie Murphy.
Odd, I remember this so differently

Jay Leno's attorney said...
I am filing a cease and decist order in superior court over your use of a Joan Rivers joke.
That is Leno territory.

Jason said...
I haven't had a good philly cheesesteak in a long time. No one ever puts sauce on them any more. Where's the sauce, people?

I'M Da Bomb said...
I love this one. You know it was through the collaborative efforts of John Ford, Mervyn LeRoy, Joshua Logan and Henry Fonda that this version of Mister Rogers finally got made. As in Spartacus a lot of creative differences were aired and there was animosity, but the thing got made and got made well.
Is it the subtle script? The complex, yet subtle plot? Or is it just the powerful screen presence of the one and only Kenny Rogers? Whatever the formula for this cinematic tour de force, the result is the same: sheer excellence. Kenny Rogers establishes himself as one of the premier actors of our, or any, lifetime. Like other great pieces of cinema ("Citizen Kane" and DeSica's "Bicycle Thief" spring to mind immediately) "The Gambler" portrays that range of emotions so special to the human experience. A masterpiece.
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood in my opinion has been the best children's TV show on earth! I watch it sometimes on PBS during summer and holidays. My brothers like the show, too. The neighborhood of make-believe is fantastic in this awesome show. Mister Rogers' Neighborhood has been of the best excuses of this children's TV show. Mister Rogers is the adaptation of a play that ran on Broadway from 1948 to 1951 for 1157 performances. It was based on the novel written by Thomas Heggen and was directed by Joshua Logan. It marked a return to the stage for Henry Fonda who for the rest of his life shuttled back and forth between Broadway and Hollywood. Mister Rogers became his career signature part.
According to the book In the Company of Heroes by Harry Carey, Jr., Henry Fonda because this was his signature part, the part that won him a Tony Award on Broadway, he had a certain proprietary interest in seeing a faithful adaptation was done for the screen.
And what a boss they have. The role of the Captain is a very difficult part. Though there are certainly elements of comedy with the captain, James Cagney never allows the captain to become a figure of burlesque. It's a very difficult tightrope to walk, but Mr. Cagney brought over 30 years of professionalism to that part. During the scene of the cabin confrontation with Fonda, Cagney does go into his background, going to sea as a kid, doing a lot of menial jobs and rising through his own efforts in the Merchant Marine. We get to understand Cagney, but we never sympathize with him.
Even though Mister Rogers is a military setting, the themes are universal and that is why I think it got the popular acclaim it did. I think most of us in our lives as workers have occasionally had to work in settings where the boss was a tin pot dictator, using and abusing his position of authority. And maybe we've also had immediate supervisors who did buffer between the employer and the workers. I'm sure that applied to just about anyone who ever had any kind of work history. Mister Rogers is the only film I know that ever made boredom a component of a successful production.
Despite a difficult birthing, Mister Rogers has become an American classic and will be so as long as we have a planet.
**** out of **** stars and 10 out of 10 stars overall.

CRAIG said...
Have you ever heard Steven Spielberg say the word dinosaur? It's hilarious. If there was a picture of him saying it I would post it on Sweetie's Myspace page.

Michael "Kid" Blount said...
I was the one searching for sexy Egyptian women. I was hoping that she will be my girlfriend. Ok. bye

T-_Bone said...
Sweetie - I took my kids to this back in May, and they loved it. Hell, I loved it too. Any opportunity to have my photo take with Goofy is the bees knees.

Metal Mark said...
That looks like a huge board for the game Twister under the place where the Platypus lives.

The Taco Kid said...
I say you keep the Fred Flintstone shirt in the closet.

CRAIG said...
Perhaps everyone had a drinking problem because beer was .85 cents! Hell, I don't drink, but if beer was .85 cents I might take a shot.

Strutter71 said...
I saw Popeye in the theatre when I was a kid and liked it at the time.
Then, I saw it a few years ago on cable and wondered what the hell my younger self was smoking at the time.

Jason said...
Steely Dan, now you're just making things up. Everyone knows there's no such thing as an undersea accountant. Their paper would be soggy and the calculator wouldn't work.

Metal Mark said...
I remember watching Al Snow in Smoky Mountain wrestling around 94-95 and he was hilarious and a sound wrestler as well.

T-_Bone said...
Either they sound like Chuck Norris films or Queensryche records

Evel Knievel Fan said...
You know what would be AWESOME?? If someone in Maryland built this, like, major ramp and Evel Knievel tried to jump over the Mid-Atlantic states and land in Massachusetts. He could, like totally take off in Baltimore and touch down in Boston. Oh man that would be SSSSSSSWWWWWEEEETTTT!!

Justin said...
Why have you blurred the Mice Chat image? Is it accusing William Kennedy Smith of something?

Ben Savage said...
Stop lying, Fred. You and Paul Pfeiffer did that one tme. Remember? You got caught and learned a valuable lesson.

Donald Duck said...
Quackety quack quack.

The Taco Kid said...
As an openly straight guy with a gay guy for an avatar I wish to state that I too found the title hysterical.

A Town Savage said...
I tried gum in the lock trick once. For some reason that street smelled like shoe polish all day.

Anonymous said...
Guy Sweetie...
Is this your little way of addressing the ilegal alien issue? Laughing bout spanish speaking cruel. Next thing your gonna be talking about is singing the national anthem in portugese?

Sweetie fan said...
I love mashed potatoes, but I can't imagine putting any of that stuff in there. Maybe I would have to make it a baked potato party.

CRAIG said...
I'm amazed that no one attempted to eat "The Island" poster. It looks simply delicious!

Daniel Striped Tiger said...
Sorry. I hit my head on the ceiling of my tiny cubicle and forgot who I was.

Jason said...
Cancer? Kevin Costner made a few movies about baseball. I am so glad they don't cause cancer. Bull Durham, For Love of the Game, even Dances With Wolves is kind of about baseball. But not mustaches. It's tough to choose whether I like "with" or "without." Think of how conflicted Burt Reynolds would be. Think about it. Imagine the panic that would grip the nation if we found out that mustaches were infecting the faces of men everywhere. For example: if a hot chick was about to trip and fall I would have a better chance to catch her if I went with the "without" look. They both have their advantages. Costner is the home team, the wild west is Dodger Stadium and that guy who played the painter on "Murphy Brown" is Hee-Seop Choi. I bet he would keep the mustache. Of course, if it was a smelly dude who was covered in marmalade "with" would probably give me better excuse for not helping him. You know, because so many cool things seem to cause cancer. I love mustaches. Or being mustache-less. Hypocrite. I also bet Morgan Spurlock would shave his 'stache. Of course you never want to

There it is. I hope one of your comments made the cut... if not, there is always next year.

I also made sure not to include any context so your comments make no sense. That way I can use this as PROOF when I say that you guys aren't funny without my post to to give it context. Hee hee hee.

In all honesty, however, your comments are a very important part of the humor on When I started, people had to click to a separate page to read the comments. I changed that as soon as I could figure out how.

If my posts are the cake, your comments are the icing.

And our cake is full of bad grammar and typos.

Man, I am soooo hungry right now.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


When boj celebrated it's 1 year anniversary I was asked (at the last minute) to write something to fill up the space on the website. Once again I have been asked to provide free labor.

Here it is:


...I would have never pictured Sweetie Big Bumpin' with Brooke Burke.

...I wouldn't know who Robert Guil-LAME is.

...I wouldn't know of Sweetie's hatred of Laura Branigan.

...I would have never heard of a dorfin.

...I wouldn't fear Osteoarthritis.

...I wouldn't daydream about doing cartwheels in outer space.

...I would have more faith in the concept of a practical joke.

...I wouldn't confuse the Mexican section of Epcot with Tony Hawk.

...I wouldn't own Kevin Smith's pants.


...I'd never think about the things Iron Sheik's belt has seen.

The only reason I asked you to do this was because you told me you never visit my site anymore. I figured that this would FORCE you to read a WHOLE YEAR of posts in less than a week.

The THIRD Anniversary Extravaganza

Welcome to the THREE year anniversary of "junk" on the web. I have put together a few special features for you to look at this week. I hope you love it.

Times the word “the” appeared: 9,744
Times the word “underpants” appeared: 68
Number of jokes about Jeffrey Tambor: 62
Articles in which the phrase “I consider Cajun rice a vacation in a cup” appeared: 2
Number of articles about The Goonies: 2
Number of Back to the Future references: 12
Number of Gary Coleman movies reviewed: 3






Make sure to check back tommorow. I will be posting comments all week, and maybe adding a few other features as well.

Thanks again for stopping by for the past year!

Be sure to sign the guest book (post a comment.)

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Crispin Hellion Glover's Rat Catching

Jimmy Carter delivered this televised speech on July 15, 1979.
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Good evening. This is a special night for me. Exactly three years ago, on July 15, 1976, I accepted the nomination of my party to run for president of the United States.
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I promised you a president who is not isolated from the people, who feels your pain, and who shares your dreams and who draws his strength and his wisdom from you.
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During the past three years I've spoken to you on many occasions about national concerns, the energy crisis, reorganizing the government, our nation's economy, and issues of war and especially peace. But over those years the subjects of the speeches, the talks, and the press conferences have become increasingly narrow, focused more and more on what the isolated world of Washington thinks is important. Gradually, you've heard more and more about what the government thinks or what the government should be doing and less and less about our nation's hopes, our dreams, and our vision of the future.
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Ten days ago I had planned to speak to you again about a very important subject -- energy. For the fifth time I would have described the urgency of the problem and laid out a series of legislative recommendations to the Congress. But as I was preparing to speak, I began to ask myself the same question that I now know has been troubling many of you. Why have we not been able to get together as a nation to resolve our serious energy problem?
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It's clear that the true problems of our Nation are much deeper -- deeper than gasoline lines or energy shortages, deeper even than inflation or recession. And I realize more than ever that as president I need your help. So I decided to reach out and listen to the voices of America.
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I invited to Camp David people from almost every segment of our society -- business and labor, teachers and preachers, governors, mayors, and private citizens. And then I left Camp David to listen to other Americans, men and women like you.
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It has been an extraordinary ten days, and I want to share with you what I've heard. First of all, I got a lot of personal advice. Let me quote a few of the typical comments that I wrote down.
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This from a southern governor: "Mr. President, you are not leading this nation -- you're just managing the government."
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"You don't see the people enough any more."
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"Some of your Cabinet members don't seem loyal. There is not enough discipline among your disciples."
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"Don't talk to us about politics or the mechanics of government, but about an understanding of our common good."
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"Mr. President, we're in trouble. Talk to us about blood and sweat and tears."
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"If you lead, Mr. President, we will follow."
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Many people talked about themselves and about the condition of our nation.
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This from a young woman in Pennsylvania: "I feel so far from government. I feel like ordinary people are excluded from political power."
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And this from a young Chicano: "Some of us have suffered from recession all our lives."
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"Some people have wasted energy, but others haven't had anything to waste."
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And this from a religious leader: "No material shortage can touch the important things like God's love for us or our love for one another."
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And I like this one particularly from a black woman who happens to be the mayor of a small Mississippi town: "The big-shots are not the only ones who are important. Remember, you can't sell anything on Wall Street unless someone digs it up somewhere else first."
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This kind of summarized a lot of other statements: "Mr. President, we are confronted with a moral and a spiritual crisis."
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Several of our discussions were on energy, and I have a notebook full of comments and advice. I'll read just a few.
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"We can't go on consuming 40 percent more energy than we produce. When we import oil we are also importing inflation plus unemployment."
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"We've got to use what we have. The Middle East has only five percent of the world's energy, but the United States has 24 percent."
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And this is one of the most vivid statements: "Our neck is stretched over the fence and OPEC has a knife."
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"There will be other cartels and other shortages. American wisdom and courage right now can set a path to follow in the future."
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This was a good one: "Be bold, Mr. President. We may make mistakes, but we are ready to experiment."
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And this one from a labor leader got to the heart of it: "The real issue is freedom. We must deal with the energy problem on a war footing."
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And the last that I'll read: "When we enter the moral equivalent of war, Mr. President, don't issue us BB guns."
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These ten days confirmed my belief in the decency and the strength and the wisdom of the American people, but it also bore out some of my long-standing concerns about our nation's underlying problems.
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I know, of course, being president, that government actions and legislation can be very important. That's why I've worked hard to put my campaign promises into law -- and I have to admit, with just mixed success. But after listening to the American people I have been reminded again that all the legislation in the world can't fix what's wrong with America. So, I want to speak to you first tonight about a subject even more serious than energy or inflation. I want to talk to you right now about a fundamental threat to American democracy.
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I do not mean our political and civil liberties. They will endure. And I do not refer to the outward strength of America, a nation that is at peace tonight everywhere in the world, with unmatched economic power and military might.
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The threat is nearly invisible in ordinary ways. It is a crisis of confidence. It is a crisis that strikes at the very heart and soul and spirit of our national will. We can see this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our nation.
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The erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America.
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The confidence that we have always had as a people is not simply some romantic dream or a proverb in a dusty book that we read just on the Fourth of July.
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It is the idea which founded our nation and has guided our development as a people. Confidence in the future has supported everything else -- public institutions and private enterprise, our own families, and the very Constitution of the United States. Confidence has defined our course and has served as a link between generations. We've always believed in something called progress. We've always had a faith that the days of our children would be better than our own.
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Our people are losing that faith, not only in government itself but in the ability as citizens to serve as the ultimate rulers and shapers of our democracy. As a people we know our past and we are proud of it. Our progress has been part of the living history of America, even the world. We always believed that we were part of a great movement of humanity itself called democracy, involved in the search for freedom, and that belief has always strengthened us in our purpose. But just as we are losing our confidence in the future, we are also beginning to close the door on our past.
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In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God, too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns. But we've discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning. We've learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose.
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The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the first time in the history of our country a majority of our people believe that the next five years will be worse than the past five years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote. The productivity of American workers is actually dropping, and the willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world.
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As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.
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These changes did not happen overnight. They've come upon us gradually over the last generation, years that were filled with shocks and tragedy.
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We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the murders of John Kennedy and Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, only to suffer the agony of Vietnam. We respected the presidency as a place of honor until the shock of Watergate.
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We remember when the phrase "sound as a dollar" was an expression of absolute dependability, until ten years of inflation began to shrink our dollar and our savings. We believed that our nation's resources were limitless until 1973, when we had to face a growing dependence on foreign oil.
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These wounds are still very deep. They have never been healed. Looking for a way out of this crisis, our people have turned to the Federal government and found it isolated from the mainstream of our nation's life. Washington, D.C., has become an island. The gap between our citizens and our government has never been so wide. The people are looking for honest answers, not easy answers; clear leadership, not false claims and evasiveness and politics as usual.
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What you see too often in Washington and elsewhere around the country is a system of government that seems incapable of action. You see a Congress twisted and pulled in every direction by hundreds of well-financed and powerful special interests. You see every extreme position defended to the last vote, almost to the last breath by one unyielding group or another. You often see a balanced and a fair approach that demands sacrifice, a little sacrifice from everyone, abandoned like an orphan without support and without friends.
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Often you see paralysis and stagnation and drift. You don't like it, and neither do I. What can we do?
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First of all, we must face the truth, and then we can change our course. We simply must have faith in each other, faith in our ability to govern ourselves, and faith in the future of this nation. Restoring that faith and that confidence to America is now the most important task we face. It is a true challenge of this generation of Americans.
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One of the visitors to Camp David last week put it this way: "We've got to stop crying and start sweating, stop talking and start walking, stop cursing and start praying. The strength we need will not come from the White House, but from every house in America."
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We know the strength of America. We are strong. We can regain our unity. We can regain our confidence. We are the heirs of generations who survived threats much more powerful and awesome than those that challenge us now. Our fathers and mothers were strong men and women who shaped a new society during the Great Depression, who fought world wars, and who carved out a new charter of peace for the world.
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We ourselves are the same Americans who just ten years ago put a man on the Moon. We are the generation that dedicated our society to the pursuit of human rights and equality. And we are the generation that will win the war on the energy problem and in that process rebuild the unity and confidence of America.
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We are at a turning point in our history. There are two paths to choose. One is a path I've warned about tonight, the path that leads to fragmentation and self-interest. Down that road lies a mistaken idea of freedom, the right to grasp for ourselves some advantage over others. That path would be one of constant conflict between narrow interests ending in chaos and immobility. It is a certain route to failure.
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All the traditions of our past, all the lessons of our heritage, all the promises of our future point to another path, the path of common purpose and the restoration of American values. That path leads to true freedom for our nation and ourselves. We can take the first steps down that path as we begin to solve our energy problem.
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Energy will be the immediate test of our ability to unite this nation, and it can also be the standard around which we rally. On the battlefield of energy we can win for our nation a new confidence, and we can seize control again of our common destiny.
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In little more than two decades we've gone from a position of energy independence to one in which almost half the oil we use comes from foreign countries, at prices that are going through the roof. Our excessive dependence on OPEC has already taken a tremendous toll on our economy and our people. This is the direct cause of the long lines which have made millions of you spend aggravating hours waiting for gasoline. It's a cause of the increased inflation and unemployment that we now face. This intolerable dependence on foreign oil threatens our economic independence and the very security of our nation. The energy crisis is real. It is worldwide. It is a clear and present danger to our nation. These are facts and we simply must face them.
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What I have to say to you now about energy is simple and vitally important.
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Point one: I am tonight setting a clear goal for the energy policy of the United States. Beginning this moment, this nation will never use more foreign oil than we did in 1977 -- never. From now on, every new addition to our demand for energy will be met from our own production and our own conservation. The generation-long growth in our dependence on foreign oil will be stopped dead in its tracks right now and then reversed as we move through the 1980s, for I am tonight setting the further goal of cutting our dependence on foreign oil by one-half by the end of the next decade -- a saving of over 4-1/2 million barrels of imported oil per day.
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Point two: To ensure that we meet these targets, I will use my presidential authority to set import quotas. I'm announcing tonight that for 1979 and 1980, I will forbid the entry into this country of one drop of foreign oil more than these goals allow. These quotas will ensure a reduction in imports even below the ambitious levels we set at the recent Tokyo summit.
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Point three: To give us energy security, I am asking for the most massive peacetime commitment of funds and resources in our nation's history to develop America's own alternative sources of fuel -- from coal, from oil shale, from plant products for gasohol, from unconventional gas, from the sun.
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I propose the creation of an energy security corporation to lead this effort to replace 2-1/2 million barrels of imported oil per day by 1990. The corporation I will issue up to $5 billion in energy bonds, and I especially want them to be in small denominations so that average Americans can invest directly in America's energy security.
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Just as a similar synthetic rubber corporation helped us win World War II, so will we mobilize American determination and ability to win the energy war. Moreover, I will soon submit legislation to Congress calling for the creation of this nation's first solar bank, which will help us achieve the crucial goal of 20 percent of our energy coming from solar power by the year 2000.
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These efforts will cost money, a lot of money, and that is why Congress must enact the windfall profits tax without delay. It will be money well spent. Unlike the billions of dollars that we ship to foreign countries to pay for foreign oil, these funds will be paid by Americans to Americans. These funds will go to fight, not to increase, inflation and unemployment.
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Point four: I'm asking Congress to mandate, to require as a matter of law, that our nation's utility companies cut their massive use of oil by 50 percent within the next decade and switch to other fuels, especially coal, our most abundant energy source.
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Point five: To make absolutely certain that nothing stands in the way of achieving these goals, I will urge Congress to create an energy mobilization board which, like the War Production Board in World War II, will have the responsibility and authority to cut through the red tape, the delays, and the endless roadblocks to completing key energy projects.
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We will protect our environment. But when this nation critically needs a refinery or a pipeline, we will build it.
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Point six: I'm proposing a bold conservation program to involve every state, county, and city and every average American in our energy battle. This effort will permit you to build conservation into your homes and your lives at a cost you can afford.
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I ask Congress to give me authority for mandatory conservation and for standby gasoline rationing. To further conserve energy, I'm proposing tonight an extra $10 billion over the next decade to strengthen our public transportation systems. And I'm asking you for your good and for your nation's security to take no unnecessary trips, to use carpools or public transportation whenever you can, to park your car one extra day per week, to obey the speed limit, and to set your thermostats to save fuel. Every act of energy conservation like this is more than just common sense -- I tell you it is an act of patriotism.
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Our nation must be fair to the poorest among us, so we will increase aid to needy Americans to cope with rising energy prices. We often think of conservation only in terms of sacrifice. In fact, it is the most painless and immediate way of rebuilding our nation's strength. Every gallon of oil each one of us saves is a new form of production. It gives us more freedom, more confidence, that much more control over our own lives.
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So, the solution of our energy crisis can also help us to conquer the crisis of the spirit in our country. It can rekindle our sense of unity, our confidence in the future, and give our nation and all of us individually a new sense of purpose.
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You know we can do it. We have the natural resources. We have more oil in our shale alone than several Saudi Arabias. We have more coal than any nation on Earth. We have the world's highest level of technology. We have the most skilled work force, with innovative genius, and I firmly believe that we have the national will to win this war.
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I do not promise you that this struggle for freedom will be easy. I do not promise a quick way out of our nation's problems, when the truth is that the only way out is an all-out effort. What I do promise you is that I will lead our fight, and I will enforce fairness in our struggle, and I will ensure honesty. And above all, I will act. We can manage the short-term shortages more effectively and we will, but there are no short-term solutions to our long-range problems. There is simply no way to avoid sacrifice.
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Twelve hours from now I will speak again in Kansas City, to expand and to explain further our energy program. Just as the search for solutions to our energy shortages has now led us to a new awareness of our Nation's deeper problems, so our willingness to work for those solutions in energy can strengthen us to attack those deeper problems.
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I will continue to travel this country, to hear the people of America. You can help me to develop a national agenda for the 1980s. I will listen and I will act. We will act together. These were the promises I made three years ago, and I intend to keep them.
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Little by little we can and we must rebuild our confidence. We can spend until we empty our treasuries, and we may summon all the wonders of science. But we can succeed only if we tap our greatest resources -- America's people, America's values, and America's confidence.
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I have seen the strength of America in the inexhaustible resources of our people. In the days to come, let us renew that strength in the struggle for an energy secure nation.
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In closing, let me say this: I will do my best, but I will not do it alone. Let your voice be heard. Whenever you have a chance, say something good about our country. With God's help and for the sake of our nation, it is time for us to join hands in America. Let us commit ourselves together to a rebirth of the American spirit. Working together with our common faith we cannot fail.
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Thank you and good night.
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