Thursday, December 02, 2004

Super Hero: Peace Fighter

Once again, I took a trip to the dollar store and came back with a bizarre bootleg action figure.

Produced in China, he is Super Hero.

That's his name.

Pretty bold choice for what has to be the ugliest figure ever produced (including the Paul Giamatti Planet of the Apes figure)

As is the case with most 'made in China' toys, the package is full of unauthorized use of copyrighted photos. A photo of George Clooney as Batman, Alicia Silverstone as Bat Girl and drawings of Superman and Wonder Woman are all on the card.

Also on the package are the words: PEACE FIGHTER!!! SUPER HERO!!!

Peace fighter? Does that mean he fights FOR peace or he simply fights PEACE? Actually, the simple act of fighting disrupts any peace that existed, so he probably is fighting peace.

At the bottom of the package is a choking warning, a recycle logo and a bizarre logo I had never noticed before.

What is THAT supposed to mean? It looks like it is saying 'Snorks are only allowed in groups of 4 or more.'

Well, that IS a good policy.

Looking back, I noticed this on a few of the other toys I have bought on the dollar store. I guess it means that it is not for 0-3 year old children.

I just wonder why they think children look like Snorks.

Before I EVEN removed Super Hero from the package I found a problem. If you look closely at the photo of him in the package, you can see that his cape extends BEYOND the plastic bubble on the card.

Yes, Super Hero's cape was GLUED to the card.

So, I took him out of the package, tearing his cape and removing his strange weapon.

I am not sure WHAT that is supposed to be. Is it a cross bow? Is it a sickle? Is it a new pizza cutter from Ginsu?

Who cares. I lost complete interest in that when I realized his other weapon. Super Hero has a small button on his back, when you press it something magical happens.

A little light turns on above his belt.

Imagine the peace fighting possibilities.

Villain: What are you going to do to stop me?
Super Hero: With my smoldering belly button of FIRE!
Villain: My eyes!!!! Arrrrgh!

Oh Villain, will you EVER learn.

The photos really can not do justice to this figure. He is REALLY ugly, his hands and boots are spray painted, in an INCREDIBLY sloppy manner. As a matter of fact, they are only painted on ONE side.

His face is so poorly painted that I felt sad just looking at him.

It's a good thing they keep the Snorks away, they have enough problems without Super Hero.


  1. Sweetie, we should get together. I have the other action figures in this collection, including his arch-nemisis "Villian", his female companion, "Superhero's Girlfriend", and his teen protege "Sidekick". I have been hunting dollar stores looking for his other foe, "Enemy". My cousin has his canine companion, "Dog".

  2. Sweetie, I have all the "Super Hero" comics and I have found a HUGE typo on the box. Super Hero is not a "Peace Fighter", it should read, "Peas Fighter". Super Hero is one action star who will fight anyone, anytime, anywhere for his peas. Man does, he love his peas.

  3. Today's Obvious Joke of the Day:

    Boy that's one Super Hero with fire in his belly.

    Today's Obvious Joke of the Day is sponsored by Bud Lite. For great taste that never fills you up, make it a Bud Light. And by the Department of Homeland Security, who reminds you that whatever you do don't go into Times Sqaure this Thursday around 3:00. FOR THE LOVE GOD DON'T GO NEAR TIMES SQAURE THIS THURSDAY!!

  4. Gene Hackman is so cool that generic knock-off Super Hero action figures collect him.

  5. You know what would be AWESOME?? If Godzilla was destroying Hollywood and Super Hero showed up to stop him, but was knocked down. He tried to get back up and blind Godzilla with his belly of fire, but it was too late. Several copywright lawyers showed up and issued an injunction preventing Super Hero from ripping off Superman any more. Incapacited, he was forced to fly away. As Godzilla forced Johnny Grant to bow on one knee and proclaim, Godzilla the new ruler of Hollywood, Johnny Grant screamed out, "Oh, WHO, OH WHO, WILL SAVE US?"

    All of a sudden, Evel Knievel jumps over Godzilla. Godzilla bites into Knievel's motocycle, forcing the gas tank to explode and Godzilla to die. Johnny Grant proclaims Evel Knievel the new ruler of Hollywood and gives him an honory star. At the presentation, Knievel looks at grant and says, "Thanks for GRANTING my star." Everyone laughs until the pass out. Oh man that would be SSSSSSSSSSWWWWWWWEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!!!

  6. Robble Robble. I was once arrested by Super Hero.

  7. Oh great. Another dollar store article. Sweetie, if I went to a dollar store in the middle of Hollywood would be the same thing as reading your blog? Somehow, I doubt I would miss much. Imagine my surprise when I read you found junk at a dollar store. I nearly fainted. When I saw the words "dollar store" I assumed this article would be about fabrage eggs, fancy imported brandy, or the Rolls Royce they sell at the dollar store. I'm stunned to find all they sell is crappy generic action figures.

    And what's with that Gene O'Hack guy? I'm sure everyone gets the reference to a throwaway line in a 5-year movie no one saw anyway.

  8. Anonymous12/02/2004

    Ooooh cool animation. Isn't Superhero wearing the OLD superman logo?

  9. Wow, you really put some work into that, Evel. Good stuff.

    Super Hero is AWESOME!