Thursday, September 16, 2004

Back to eBay

eBay is the greatest site in the world. It must be! Nowhere else could such remarkable items be found. Anything you can imagine is online waiting for you to buy it, get sick of it and re-sell it.

Let us browse:

Skeletal hand belt buckle
If you keep saying to yourself "I need to incorporate more Goth skeletal imagery in my life! Also, my pants fall down a lot." If so, this belt buckle is for you!

Modeled after the human hand and made of solid pewter it will ALWAYS look like Calista Flockhart is trying to unbutton your Levis.

In the description the seller writes 'For this purchase buyer pays S&H of $4.00 in the U.S.' Sadly, he forgoes the great puns that could have been made.

My version:
'Buyer pays $4 shipping and HAND-ling. Get it? HAND??? It is a hand belt buckle!!! Wow! Anyway being DEATH-ly serious, we will ship promptly- even though we only have a SKELETON crew working!!!! Beware of hitchhiking ghosts!'

Air Force One Prop Napkin
This is a genuine prop used on the motion picture Air Force One! It is a blue paper napkin with the familiar presidential seal on it in gold.

The description states that the napkin looks like the 'real presidential napkins used by our president.' Odd, I would have thought the president would have used a cloth napkin. Oh well, I guess it is an improvement over the 'paper towel off the roll we picked up at Piggly Wiggly' used the West Virginia Governor's Mansion.

Actually, I think it is cool if the President DOES use paper napkins.
I prefer them, myself.
They are much more absorbent than the cloth ones, but not as classy looking. I have noticed that the MORE a restaurant costs the WORSE the napkins.

I made up a chart:
Average meal price=$4:
Napkins=A never-ending supply of absorbent paper napkins

Average meal price=$8:
Napkins=1 paper napkin rolled around the silverware

Red Lobster:
Average meal price=$16:
Napkins=1 cloth napkin, somewhat absorbent

Average meal price=$38:
Napkins=1 polyester cloth napkin, non-absorbent

Chez Petroni:
Average meal price=$180:
Napkins=None, patrons must wipe hands on pants

120 Acres of Land in South Dakota

For only $195 you can own beautiful land in South Dakota! The land is located near the Montana border and has no publicly maintained roads.

Actually, $195 is only a down payment, and you would still need to build a home out there. Still, according to the description, you can hunt antelopes.
Home, home on the range
where the deer and the antelope play,

and then you can kill 'em.

Just make sure if you do go hunting, you wear your skeletal belt buckle and you clean the animal with your Air Force One prop napkin.

HUMAN BONY HAND Buckle skull ring Belt Buckle
Air Force One Prop Napkin, Harrison Ford
South Dakota Land 120 Acres, Nice Area, Terms! Cheap!

Make sure and read the Old eBay Junk

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