Friday, September 24, 2004

The Rainforrest Cafe

The Rainforest Cafe is the most delightful of theme restaurants. The chain, which has been expanding as of late, serves exciting food in an even more exciting atmosphere.

The restaurant looks unlike any other restaurant on earth. The walls and ceiling are covered with fake vines and plants. Diners are surrounded by animatronics animals. It's like Indiana Jones meets the Hall of Presidents (only with slightly less Abe.)

The mascot of the Rainforest Cafe is Cha-Cha, a big eyed frog. Cha-Cha looks a little like Kermit the frog only with volleyballs instead of ping pong balls.

When you enter the cafe you walk into a large gift shop. In the shop you can choose from hundreds of games, toys and house wares featuring Cha-Cha and the dozen or so other mascots they utilize. One of the products they have is a version of Monopoly called Rainforest-opoly.

Odd, I thought we WEREN'T supposed to build hotels in the Rainforest.

Before you enter the Rainforest Cafe you approach the hostess station. There you give your name and wait for them to call your party. When they do, they do it thusly:

Guy Hutchinson, safari of four, Guy Hutchinson safari of four.


I was so excited I shot a man in a tiger costume and mounted him on the wall.

You enter the dining room through a large doorway that doubles as a fish tank. The kids LOVE it.

KID 1: Look its Nemo!
Kid 2: Wow! Look, there's Dory!
ME: Hey! It's the Incredible Mr. Limpet!
KID 2: You're a dork.
KID 1: Yeah, let's beat him up and take his Rainforest-opoly.
ME: Nooooo! Not my precious Rainforest-opoly.

The menus feature both American and Caribbean inspired dishes. The most famous menu item is the Volcano.

The Volcano is a beautiful looking dessert shaped like a volcano. When it is delivered to the table, servers shout:


Originally when they opened they would shout:

Crappy Tommy Lee Jones movie!

But, that seemed too wordy.

Every fifteen minutes the animals erupt in a chaotic, animatronics frenzy. The fifty or so animals start jumping and screaming. They shake the trees and walls and make a lot of noise.

It's like having the Lakers win the NBA finals 4 times an hour!


  1. Wouldn't it be great if the put animatronic bugs in the food!!

  2. Sweetie, I enjoyed your review of "The Rainforest Cafe" and look forward to visiting one soon. However, I was very disappointed that you discussed "The Rainforest Cafe" without informing your readers of it's plight. Here for you and your readers are some very important and necessary facts about the Rainforest Cafe.

    1. Although the Rainforest Cafe once made up 14% of total theme resturants, it's now comprises less than 6% of total theme resturants.

    2. Every second, we lose one and a half Rainforest Cafes. (Think about THAT next time you buy lumber)

    3. Each day 137 different spieces of animatronic plants and animals are lost when a Rainforest Cafe shuts down. That translates into over 50,000 animatronic plants and animals per year.

    4. Many of these animatronic plants and animals are just thrown away, unable to be saved in time, so they have a future at lousy theme parks or bad children's shows.

    5.With every Rainforest Cafe closing, an average of 10 waiters/waitresses are forced to move back in with thier parents.


    1. Write to your Congressman/Senators and President. Tell him to pass legislation to preserve the Rainforest Cafes.

    2. Boycott corporations that exploit the Rainforest Cafe (these are frequently, oil, pharmaceutical, and lumber companies)

    3. GET INVOLVED (I CANNOT stress this enough) There are many organizations dedicated to saving the Rainforest Cafes. A lady from Seattle recently lived for 6 months in animatronic tree to protest the destruction of the Rainforest Cafe. She was thrown out of the tree, every time someone yelled "VOLCANO!!", but her heart was in the right place. Greenpeace and the Higher Order to Remember to Save Helpless RAinforest Cafes (H.O.R.S.H.A.C) are the most active.

  3. Mr. Freeze,

    It's all Bush's fault.



  4. Senator Kerry,

    What legislation are you proposing to save the Rainforest Cafe? The preservation of the Rainforest Cafe is my only single issue that determines who gets my vote. So far the Bush Administration has done nothing on this catastrophe. HOW CAN THEY BE SO BLIND??

    Thank you, in advance, for answering my question.

  5. Today's Obvious Joke of the Day:

    I once ordered the Volcano and peed lava for a week.

    Today's Obvious Joke of the Day was sponsored by CBS News. Tonight on CBS News, 30 minutes of stories we just completely made up!! Tonight only on CBS News. And by Viagara. The FCC is so busy crucifing Howard Stern and Janet Jackson, that we somehow they keep overlooking our ads. Viagara. Ask your doctor today if a free sample is right for you.

  6. I once got lost in the Rainforest Cafe for a whole year. I was forced to eat animatronic bugs and plants in order to live. I slept in a hut, I made out of one of the tables and several forks. I even killed a waiter dressed as a Tiger. He attacked me first, I panicked and beat him to death with a ketchup bottle. A safari resuce party found me and bravely guided me out of the Rainforest Cafe to the rest of the mall food court. And also, I'm a complete idiot.

  7. Mr. Freeze,

    As you are well aware, I voted for the Rainforest Cafe Preservation Act of 2003. This law was intended to keep Big Oil out of the Rainforest Cafes. However, Haliburton and it's friends in the Bush Administration enjoyed having their fancy expense account lunches at the Rain Forest Cafe. These lunches were subsidized by the taxpayer. Thus, they opposed the legislation so they could continue to dine on Planet Earth Pasta, Cyclone Crab Cake Sandwiches and Shrimp Scampi Shangra-La.

    I have obtained from CBS News, a dinner receipt from 1998, showing that while President of Haliburton, Dick Cheney dined on a Veggie Burger and Strawberry Smoothie in 1998. It was expensed to Halliburton and then credited to the Iraq War Conspiracy. The Iraq War plan was hatched in the Rainforest Cafe!!!!! Do you see the connection? Young Americans died because of Big Oil's love for Carribean Coconut Shrimp!

    If I am elected President, I will sign the Rainforest Cafe Preservation Act and keep Haliburton and Dick Cheney and George W. Bush out of the Rainforest Cafe.

  8. Anonymous9/24/2004

    Senator Kerry,

    The Federal Register shows that you voted against the Rainforest Cafe Preservation Act of 2003. Plese explain the discrepancy.

  9. Anonymous,

    It's really quite complicated. Due to the Senate rules, I voted for the Rainforest Cafe Preservation Act in committee but due to my disagreement with several technical aspects of the bill, I voted against it when the vote came before the full Senate.

    Actually, who am I trying to fool? I wasn't even there the day the dumb vote came before the floor. I was campaigning in Iowa. Remember Iowa? I was on a roll back then. Anyway, I sent Teresa to the Senate and she screwed the whole vote up.

  10. Senator Kerry,

    I was hoping for some legislation that would force the United States into entangling alliances with a broad coalition of other countries who are also committed to preserving the Rain Forest cafe. Ideally, these countries would be all talk and no action, therby forcing the U.S. to make AND PAY FOR all decisions necessary to preserve the cafes. Hopefully this will result in increased bureacracy, spending, and taxes for the United States goverment. I would also prefer that these countries attempt to block every and any U.S. proposed initiative to preserve the Rain Forest Cafes. Do you support or propose such legislation?

    Thanks in advance,

    Mr. Freeze

  11. Mr. Freeze,

    I support a broad coalition of our traditional allies. The current administration's willingness to dismiss our traditional allies in favor of nations such as Britain, Poland, Australia, Japan, Bulgaria, Italy, Kuwait, Turkey, Netherlands, Denmark, Lithuania, Hungary and Costa Rica, which simply act as a lap dogs for the Bush administration.

    Clearly, any treaty we reach to preserve the Rainforest Cafe must surrender as much U.S. sovereignty to French and German bureaucrats as possible. We cannot expect to treat the Rainforest Cafe humanely with Dick Cheney and Halliburton in the White House. Only Jacques Chirac and Gerhard Schroeder know what is best for the Rain Forest Cafe and as such our policy toward allies must change and it will change if I am elected President.

  12. Love the new look, sweetie! It's spooky.

    I ate at rainforrest, and it was horrible!!

  13. I ate at the one in Disney. It was pretty cool, but hearing them yell VOLCANO over and over gets tiresome.

  14. Jenn! I can't belive you had a bad experience! I love the food there! I especailly love the Mojo Bones (ribs) and the Bamba's BBQ wrap (BBQ beef in a wrap.)

    By the way, it is so cool to have such a spirited debate going on with John Kerry! I am concerned that if he gets elected he will not have any time for us! Then I would be sad. I may have to call Mondale and see if he wants to chat.

  15. Interesting. I have never seen one of these, but I will keep an eye out!


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