Monday, June 14, 2004

Waffle House

Waffle House. My favorite place to eat. If you aren't from the south or the mid-west you may be scratching your head saying "what's Waffle House?" If you are from the south or the mid-west you may be scratching your head saying "what's wrong with chewing tobacco?" Either way you have a valid question.
Waffle House is a restaurant franchise that specializes, of course, in waffles. They offer the finest waffles you will ever taste. Really! Go make a waffle entirely out of gold. It still wont taste as good as a Waffle House waffle.
Waffle Houses are known for their giant yellow and black signs that hang high above the restaurant and are visible from the highways and turnpikes. There are TONS of Waffle Houses.
For example, in Georgia on I-78 there is a Waffle House at the following exits: exit 5, 11, 16, 18, 39, 62, 63A, 101, 112, 135, 136, 146, 149, 155, 160, 167, 171, 186, 187, 212, 216, 218, 222, 224, 228, 233, 235, 237, 239, 251, 252, 260, 261, 269, 277, 278, 290, 293, 296, 306, 312, 315, 328, 333, 336, 345, 348, 350.

Take a good look at that. That is only one highway in one state. FORTY EIGHT DIFFERENT WAFFLE HOUSES. That means that if you had a dime for every Waffle House on I-78 in Georgia, you would have 48 FREAKING DIMES.

In addition to waffles, they are known for their hash browns. The Waffle House hash browns come six ways: Traditional; Scattered & Smothered (Onions); Scattered, Smothered & Covered (Onions and Melted Cheese); Scattered, Smothered, Covered & Chunked (Onions, Cheese and Ham); Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chunked & Topped (Onions, Cheese, Ham & Chili; Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chunked, Topped & Diced (Onions, Cheese, Ham, Spaghettios and Gummi Worms).

They also have a juke box at Waffle House that plays such songs as 'Waffle Do Wop' and other waffle inspired tunes. To listen to them click here.

On the Waffle House website the company makes some awesome claims:

"Challenged to a test, Waffle House restaurants have found at least 70 million different ways to prepare its USDA Choice hamburgers."
"Waffle House restaurants serve more than 95 million cups of coffee each year."

WOW! Those are some pretty impressive claims. Lets take the coffee one at face value. After all, I have no perspective of 95 million coffee cups a year. Is that a lot? Sounds like it, but if they said 10 million, that would still sound like a lot.
Lets focus on the hamburger claim. First off it says that they were 'challenged', but by who? Was it just some crazy homeless guy who staggered off the street screaming "you ain't so bad Waffle House. You think you are better than me with you juke box full of waffle inspired songs. I bet you couldn't find 70 million different ways to prepare a hamburger."
If that's how it happened than I am going in saying "I bet you couldn't give me free waffles for life" or "I bet you couldn't detail my car while I eat free waffles" or "I bet you couldn't make me a car made entirely out of waffles."
But, lets assume the dare was legit. How did they come up with 70 million ways. I can think of maybe 5: with cheese, without cheese, with lettuce, without lettuce and on a roll made out a jelly donut. That's it.
How could they come up with 70 MILLION?
And how did they find the time? Even if you take 70 guys and make that their sole job. Even if those 70 guys came up with 100 ways a day that would still take them 567,254 years to finish, and that is assuming that no other crackpots distracted them with NEW challenges.

Well, regardless of their ways to prepare a hamburger (only 2 of which are on the menu) they are a great place to eat.
Waffles for everyone!
As for what's wrong with chewing tobacco?
People who use smokeless tobacco are several times more likely to be at risk for oral cancer than people who don't use tobacco. Chewing tobacco causes increased heart rate, blood pressure, and blood levels of nicotine of smokeless tobacco users are similar to those of cigarette smokers. So I would suggest smoking cigarettes as a healthier alternative to chewing tobacco.


  1. Wow! Waffle House sounds even better than I imagined! Too bad that they don't serve their hash browns Smothered, Covered, Chunked, Topped, Diced, Shaken, Stirred, and with a twist of lime.

  2. Anonymous6/22/2004

    Last week, I started using the patch. No, I've never smoked but I decided to start and thought I would work my way up to in gradually.

  3. Anonymous1/13/2005

    Waffle House! I thought they went out of biz years ago! I used to see them all the time when I lived in GA. 

    Posted by Dr. Candy Santa Esq. and Sons

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