Thursday, October 28, 2004

The Halloween Quiz

1. The word witch comes from the Saxon word ‘wicca,’ which means _________.
a) wise one
b) night warrior
c) Theresa Heinz Kerry

2. The largest pumpkin on record weighed:
a) 150 pounds
b) 1,446 pounds
c) What the hell are you babbling about? What is this, Oprah? Who cares about this nonsense? Go back to writing articles about 80's fads, Dynamite Magazine, and NJ's gay Governor!

3. Black is associated with Halloween, because it is the color of death. Why is orange?
a) It is the color of harvest
b) It is the color of fun
c) It is the color of the Cleveland Browns! Go Dawgs!

4. It is generally believed that Halloween dates back to:
a) 700 B.C
b) 1921
c) Hey! Why is their color orange? Should it be brown? Plus, what kind of nickname is Dawgs? What moron came up with that?

5. Which of these sentences are true:
a) Vampire bats drink blood and are from Transylvania.
b) Vampire bats drink blood and are from Central and South America.
c) Vampire bats drink blood and Dick Cheney is their black hearted ruler.

6. Stingy Jack was an old Irish tale about a man unable to enter heaven. He used a turnip as a lantern, hence the name 'Jack O Lantern.'
a) candle
b) Jack Frost
c) Wait a minute, that isn't even a question! Also, you never answered me about the Cleveland Browns!

7. In episode 48 of Cheers, "Fairy Tales Can Come True", who fell in love at a Halloween party?
a) Cliff
b) Norm
c) Both Cliff and Norm... with each other.

8. Vampires have "Eisoptrophobia." What is that?
a) The fear of mirrors, or seeing oneself in a mirror
b) Fear of daytime
c) Fear of the word "Eisoptro"

9. The first wrapped penny candy in the US was:
a) Tootsie Rolls
b) Bazooka Gum
c) a New York streetwalker named Penny Candy (in 1892 she wrapped herself in old newspaper)

10. Americans spend 2 billion dollars a year on Halloween candy. That is enough money to buy:
a) A laptop computer for every public school child in America
b) 2 billion bottles of expired aspirin at the dollar store
c) Michael Jackson's freedom for the next 30 years

ANSWERS: 1.a, 2.b, 3.a, 3c. False, the Browns suck, 4.a, 5.b, 6. Maybe I should invite Dick Cheney over for the next Browns game, 7. Me and Theresa Hienz Kerry, 8.a, 9.a, 10. All of the above!


  1. Jesus ,Mary and Joseph....doesnt it ever end with you Guy Sweetie....Must you make you jokes on Dick Cheney? I can see kicking Kerry's wifes butt...but I think this time you have gone to far. Dick Jokes aint funny... Lay off Dick, Guy Sweety..... Dick stands tall in this country....and maybe its time for you to straighten up and realize that Halloween test's and Dick Cheney Jokes.. are lame even for this dumb website!!!

  2. Halloween is:
    A) a holiday
    B) a satanic ritual
    C) a day when the ugly roam the streets with pride!

  3. Anonymous10/28/2004


  4. Since I was Hillary Duff last year for Halloween, this year I'm going as Haylie Duff!! I love Halloween--the only day of the year I can dress like the Duff sisters and not have people stare at me. I do love Halloween or as I call it this year---Haylie--ween!!!!

  5. You know what would be AWESOME?? If on Halloween, Dick Cheney ordered all the vampires to kidnap Evel Knievel, turn him into a vampire and forced him to jump over Theresa Heinz-Kerry. But Knievel broke free and fired a silver bullet at the vampires, but that didn't work because silver bullets only work on werewolves. Then he tried fire, but remembered that only works on Frankenstein. So he drove a stake through their hearts, but then decided to jump over Theresa Heinz Kerry anyway. Oh man that would be SSSSSSWWWWEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!!!!

  6. Here is a great Halloween movie---a couple moves into a haunted mansion and on Halloween night, they are terrorized by ghosts, gouls, goblins, and Theresa Heinz Kerry. But at the end--the father looks at the calendar and realizes its actually Thanksgiving!! How's that for a surprise ending shocker??

  7. I think it would be cool if Dick Cheney's gay daugher had a lesbian affair with Teresa Hinez Kerry. At a Browns game.

  8. Now I really am puzzled about the Browns helmets! What up wit dat!