Thursday, October 07, 2004

A visit to Grimace's Garage

When you say "big and purple," Grimace is the first thing that comes to everyone's mind!

Well, actually, Barney the Dinosaur is probably the FIRST thing. Still, when you say "big and purple," people think of Grimace, Barney and 'that boil on Aunt Joan's neck.'

Grimace has a home on the world wide web at

Upon logging in you are greeted by Grimace who is standing by his garage. He says "Duh, hi there. There's lots of stuff to do in my garage. You pick." No joke, he said 'duh.' Get used to it, he starts every sentence that way.

Grimace's garage looks like most everyone's garage. It is full of discarded sports equipment and has a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. On the wall two notices have been posted. We can't read them, but a good bet is that they both start with 'duh.'

The first choice, in Grimace's garage, is 'Color Grimace.'

Color Grimace is a simple game where you use the mouse to color Grimace. Sorry, that was redundant. I apologize for that redundant part.

Grimace appears in a few different scenes: Walking, pointing at a snowman, and riding a bike.
In case you are wondering, yes, Grimace DOES exercise proper bike safety. He wears knee pads and a helmet. The chin strap is unhooked, but to be fair, Grimace has no chin.
There is also a picture of Grimace playing baseball. Actually, we aren't SURE he is playing baseball. I just know he is holding a bat. It could be that the maker of the Super Size Me documentary is just out of frame being held by the Hamburgler. If so, GIVE HIM THE BEATING OF HIS LIFE, GRIMACE!

Also on this page Grimace offers a 'Fun Fact.'
If I could make up a new milkshake flavor, it would be grape.

IF I COULD????? What is THAT all about? Don't you think that Grimace has enough pull to get the GrapeShake (I just made the name up) introduced?

The second choice in Grimace's Garage is 'Wacky Wardrobe.'

Grimace has part of a wardrobe, and needs you to select the rest of it. Give Grimace the guitar and he plays a concert dressed just like David Crosby. Come to think of it, if David Crosby was purple he would look JUST like Grimace.

My favorite part of Wacky Wardrobe was when Grimace put on a space suit and drifted away towards the sun. It was kind of sad seeing him float to his certain doom, but on the bright side he looked just like the poster for Rocketman!

Remember when Rocketman's suit filled with air?
I guess I am the only one.

Then, Grimace's Garage offers 'Grimace's Dinosaur Dig.'
The dinosaur dig contains dinosaur jokes and a name-a-saurus game. Grimace explains the game thusly: Duh, Dinosaurs have funny names. Make up some names and draw the dinosaur on paper to match.

I drew a Brontosaurus. I named him Spiro Agnew.

Then there is some info on Sue the Dinosaur, the complete T-Rex skeleton found a few years back.
Grimace says that Sue the Dinosaur's favorite human is fossil hunter Sue Hendricks. Yeah, that's the dinosaur's favorite human... FOR DINNER. Ha ha ha! I haven't laughed this hard since I thought of Rocketman a minute ago.

Next we are treated to another 'fun fact.'
I like to dance the two-step: I step on one of your feet. Then you step on one of mine.

Considering that Grimace must weigh 500 pounds this must be a frightening thought for the kids.
I propose he changes the saying to:
I like to dance the two-step: I step on one of your feet. You end up in the Ronald McDonald Children's Hospital.

Finally there is the 'Fun Fact Quiz.' I figured that since I had paid attention to all of his fun facts thus far, this would be easy. Unfortunately this was all new questions.
1. Do you know how big my feet are?
Bigger than a house
Too small
Bigger than Ronald's

I guessed 'bigger than a house.' I once saw a house made out of sugar cubes. They gotta be bigger than that.
2. Duh, guess what I like to eat or drink most at McDonald's?
Apple Pies

Well, which is it? Eat or drink? I'm going with milkshake because I like that song.
3. I like everybody. But do you know my best friend?
McNugget Buddies
Happy Meal Guys

Duh, best friend is singular. Two of the choices are plural. Duh, I chose Ronald.
4. What do you think my favorite color is?

Hmmm, tough one. I bet it can't be purple. Since he IS purple, that would make him somewhat of a racial separatist. I am betting he answers 'all colors are created equal, try the GrapeShake.'

I submitted the answers and Grimace said:
2 Right
Duh, great job! Click below to get your Grimace’s Great Group of Friends Certificate!

Great job? I scored a 50%!! What kind of certificate would I have gotten? Grimace's High School Equivalency Certificate?
Well, no time to find out. I am off to the Patton Office to register the GrapeShake!