Tuesday, September 19, 2006


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When I hear it, I think of mountains, open space and that guy who was quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers.

Unless it's spoken by a dude with a thick Spanish accent. Then I usually think about actor Joe Mantenga.

Sometimes, if Montana is said by a sexy senorita with a thick Spanish accent, I just think about makin' whoopie.

But, I digress.

Montana is a state. It's one of either 50 or 52 states that exist in the U.S.

I can never remember which is the amount of states and which is the number of cards in a deck.

Montana is derived from the Spanish word for mountain (Mantenga is derived from the word "mediocre.")

The capitol city of Montana is Helena and the largest city is Billings. Yup. That big old city of Billings Montana.

Whoo hoo! Things are rockin' out in Billings. Billings sets the tone for the nation. If you don't play in Billings you don't play.

Although I may be confused. Maybe Helena is the biggest city and Billings is just a card deck.

Let us take a look at the Montana state song:

Written by Charles C. Cohan
Composed by Joseph E. Howard

I bet Charles C. Cohan begs people to call him "Triple C."

I bet Joseph E. Howard just begs people to call him.

Tell me of that Treasure State
Story always new,
Tell of its beauties grand
And its hearts so true.

Mountains of sunset fire
The land I love the best
Let me grasp the hand of one
From out the golden West.


Montana, Montana,
Glory of the West
Of all the states from coast to coast,
You're easily the best.
Montana, Montana,
Where skies are always blue
Montana, I love you.

Each country has its flow'r;
Each one plays a part,
Each bloom brings a longing hope
To some lonely heart.

Bitter Root to me is dear
Growing in my land
Sing then that glorious air
The one I understand.

Sheesh, even the song is boring. I wanna strangle someone with a Bitter Root.

Montana is a big freakin' state. It is so big in fact that you could place Rhodie Island, Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, New York City, Disney's California Adventure, wrestling legend Rikishi Fatu and 30 decks of Bicycle playing cards on top of Montana and still have room for all the bowls of Froot Loops that you would have to eat to get the vitamins in one bowl of total.

Still, as big as it is Montana has NO PRO SPORTS TEAMS.


Not a single one.

They do have a handful of minor league baseball teams:

Missoula Osprey - I assume this is one of them, but it also might be a disorder you get from drinking syrup.

Great Falls White Sox - Again, this is possibly one of their teams. Its also possible that it is just a pair of socks.

Helena Brewers - I think I dated Helena Brewers in High School. I would have remembered if she was also a sports team.

Billings Mustangs - Yeah. Imagine a fun packed night in Billings checking out the hard hitting action of the Mustangs.

Here is a bit of Montana trivia:
Montana has the largest grizzly bear population in the lower 48 states.

I hear one night a grizzly bear fell asleep on Billing's most traveled highway during rush hour.
The traffic was held in place for 2 hours. Both drivers were very angry.

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