Monday, November 28, 2005

The Boscov's Thanksgiving Day Parade

When most people think of a Thanksgiving Day Parade they think of Macy's and New York.

Of course, most people are stupid.

Why think of ONLY one parade when there is another equally important parade just a stone's throw away in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Yes, I like the Philadelphia parade and yes, I think I could throw a stone from New York City to Philadelphia if the weather was right.

Sure, the Macy's parade was mentioned in the film Miracle on 34th Street and yes, it has some of the biggest stars.

But, the Philadelphia parade is older and has some stars of its own.

For starters there is Kelly Ripa:

I love Kelly. I have written a haiku about her:

Kelly (a haiku)

We met when it was cold
Your hair smelled nice
Kathy Lee Gifford?
I don't know how to write a haiku

Kelly is one of the hosts of the program and possibly the hardest working woman in show business (not counting that lady that works for NBC, waxing Matt Lauer's back.)

In addition to Kelly the parade featured Tony Danza as its Grand Marshall.

Take a look at this photo of a woman with red hair taking a picture of Tony Danza.


Upon close review it looks like Mr. Danza is making a move on the carriage driver.

The carriage drive does not seem to reciprocate the advance. I'm still not sure ‘who’s the boss.’ But I am curious.

In addition the parade featured Aaron Carter, Kelly Monaco and every ham and egger who ever appeared on 'American Idol.'

But none of these stars (or reality show contestants) could match the star power of Donald Duck:

Walt Disney World sponsored three floats. This one featured Donald and Daisy Duck, as well as Timon and Rafiki and the Animal Kingdom's Tree of Life.

Cinderella and her castle both appeared on floats, but not the same one.

Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Goofy and Pluto stood by her castle and SHE stood on a float with everyone else that Disney could afford to fly from Orlando to Pennsylvania.

In the section on the left are Chicken Little and Abby Mallard. The right features Chip & Dale and Stitch. The Middle section features Cinderella and... uh... Prince Charming? Not sure of his name. Belle was also there from Beauty and the Beast. She was standing with The Beast. But, not as 'The Beast.' He was in human form. Also Snow White and... uh... her husband.

Mr. and Mrs. Incredible were also on hand, riding in a white car. Before I saw them, I heard someone incorrectly refer to them as "The Wonderfuls."

I almost broke my neck turning around to see. I was saddened when I realized it WASN'T Paul Orndorff and his wife in the car.

Also, the parade has giant balloons just like Macy's Parade does.
My favorite was cow with a stomachache lying on top of the moon:

I also liked Felix the Cat as Ving Rhames as Kingpin from the Daredevil movie... based on the Marvel comic book.

I think that was the look he was going for.

So, what’s a parade without Shriners in little cars?

I have no idea. This parade was loaded with 'em.

So, what’s a pointless rhetorical question without a link to an old article?

I don't know that either.

The Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders were on hand as well. Sadly I was not able to get them to do a re-take of this photo. They seemed sad. Probably because they have about as much chance of going to the Superbowl as the Shiners do of going to the NASCAR Cup (assuming that that is a specific race and not some kind of award given to a racer for the end result of a whole season. I don't watch NASCAR. But I do love Shriners in little cars. I bet I have violated multiple grammar rules within the confines of this parenthesis. And I am not sorry. Not one bit.)

As usual, Santa Claus ended the parade.

Santa also appears at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and countless other local parades and shows.

But he won't end this article.

I shall give that honor to the Goldfish Cracker.

Take that, ya big glory hound.