Thursday, November 04, 2004

Collision Course

Collision Course is a buddy cop film starring Jay Leno and Pat Morita.

You know, I could just end the article there and I would have done my job. People would be laughing so hard that milk would come out of their noses. Even people who were lactose intolarant would be chugging milk just so it could come out of their noses. Hindu clerics who are bound by their religion NOT to drink milk from a cow would switch and become southern Baptist just so they could partake in the nose milk thing (and because Baptists churches always look like fun in the movies.)

Yes, the phrase "Collision Course is a buddy cop film starring Jay Leno and Pat Morita" is comedy.

But Collision Course itself, THAT is another story!

The plot of the film is very formulaic. Think of Rush Hour with Jay Leno playing the Chris Tucker part. Now think of Chris Tucker playing Woody Allen's part in Annie Hall. WOULDN'T THAT BE A RIOT!!!

Now picture Chris Tucker as President Woodrow Wilson's Chief of Staff.

WOODROW WILSON: Chris, what should I do to lower the tariffs on the good people of our nation?
CHRIS: Sir, pass the Underwood Act. America deserves it.
WOODROW WILSON: Now, how about a back rub.
CHRIS: Take off your shirt, I will get the linament.

Hmmm, I guess that is just disturbing.

Speaking of which: Jay Leno plays a racist cop in Collision Course.

But, he is a LOVABLE racist cop. See, Jay doesn't like the 'japs.' Does that word make you uncomfortable? If so, Collision Coruse is not for you. If it doesn't, you're a jerk.
See, Jay's cop uses words like 'japs' constantantly as he plays Tony a Detroit cop paired up with Morita's Fuji Natsuo.

Fuji has come over from Japan to look for a turbocharger prototype that is belived to be in the area. So, Tony and Fuji are partners. Along the way they face all the same problems that most buddy cops do. By the end of the movie, you guessed it, they learned how to get along and opened their hearts to each others culture.

The film was almost completely unnoticed upon release, due to a very delayed released due to financial problems. Still, it is available at many video stores and on eBay. Go check it out, and bring your milk.


  1. Anonymous11/03/2004

    I wish I wasa southern baptist!

  2. Yo man, what did you say
    They made a movie starring Jay
    but not Jam Master Jay
    that's still pretty cool

  3. I saw this film and I have to say Jay Leno is on a Collision Course........WITH OSCAR!!!!!!!

    Jay Leno was also good in the Flinstones movie, a film in which John Goodman should have said.....YABBA DABBA OSCAR!!!!!!!!!

  4. Instead of a Turbocharger, they should have looked for wacky headlines from today's newspapers. They're funny becaue they are real!!!

  5. Many people don't realize that this is a remake of the 1950s Collision Course starring Jack Parr and Khasoi Galaxy, which was a remake of the 1940s film featuring Steve Allen and Fighting Harada. In the 1960s this film was remade starring Johnny Carson and Bruce Lee. It will be remade in 2015 starring Conan O'Brien and Jackie Chan.

  6. "Take off your shirt, I will get the linament." LOL!!!

  7. You know what would be AWESOME?? If during the movie, Jay Leno and Pat Morita went JayWalking at Al's resturant and asked Richie Cunningham, Potsy, and Ralph Mouth to name the president and vice president of the United States and then tested out their knowledge of history and they didn't know anything. But Fonzie walks in and hits the jukebox. All of a sudden, "Fly" by Hilary Duff comes on the juke box and the Fonze walks outside. As everyone runs outside, Fonize, and Evel Knievel are on the same motorcycle. Since Jay loves motorcycles, he hops on and the three of them jump over Al's dinner. Later, they are celebrating with a friendly game of cards, but some professional card sharks enter the game and take all the money that belongs to Fonize, Jay Leno, Pat Morita, Evel Knievel, Joanie, Richie, Potsy, and Ralph Mouth. Richie and Joanie tell their parents about the card sharks and everyone learns that Harold Cunningham used to be a professional poker player. He challenges the card sharks to a rematch and after some wacky hijinks, he wins all their money back. Oh man that would be SSSSSSSWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!!!