Thursday, June 22, 2006

Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure

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Life is grand, aint it?

I thank god, everyday, that I live in these United States. A land of freedom, a land of opportunity and a land of Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure.

It almost brings a tear to my eye.

A few weeks ago I was in line at a CVS drug store. The line was not moving. Customer after customer got to the front of the line and then proceeded to spend 5 minutes looking for their CVS card.

So, in a fit of boredom I walked away from the line. I set down my would be purchases (12 wrestling magazines) and sauntered toward the door.

Then, mid-saunter, I saw it.


Good lord, that story was anti-climactic.

Anyway I am sure you want to know all about this cinematic masterpiece, so I will answer all the questions I assume you would ask.

QUESTION: Is this a real movie? Or is it some kind of sing a long video.
ME: Yup. It's a real full length movie, with real actors.

QUESTION: Real actors?!? Like who?
ME: The guy who played Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley.

QUESTION: Really? And who were the real actors?
ME: Funny.

QUESTION: So, what was the name of the guy who played Squiggy?
ME: David L. Lander.

QUESTION: Lander? Not Landers? That's odd. Doesn't a name like Lander demand to be pluralized?
ME: I think it does.

QUESTION: What would his name be if he was on The Flintstones?
ME: Probably David L. Landstone.

QUESTION: Yeah. That would be cool. What about when Rock Hudson was on the Flintstones. Did they change his name to Rock Hudstone? Or was the "rock" part enough?
ME: I don't think he was on the Flintstones. Maybe you are thinking of Stoney Curtis.

QUESTION: Maybe. Remember Ann Margrock?
ME: Yeah, she was great.

QUESTION: Remember when Stone Phillips was on?
ME: No, I don't think he was on.

QUESTION: What about Sharon Stone?
ME: No. But in the Flintstones movie Halle Berry played a character named Sharon Stone.

QUESTION: Really?!? Wow. Remember when The Rock was on The Flintstones?
ME: No, he wasn't.

QUESTION: What about Rocky McStoneyrock?
MEL: Now, you just made that up.

QUESTION: Hey! Who's Mel?
ME: That was a typo, I meant to type "me."

MEL: No you didn't! Why are you so ashamed of me?
ME: I don't know. I just am.

MEL: I have a question about the Baby Huey Movie.
ME: Shoot.

MEL: What happens in it? Is there any hot chicks in it?
ME: Not really. Marcia Brady is in it, but she's really old now. It's a cute little movie about a boy who befriends a guy in a giant chicken costume.

MEL: Why didn't you spend your money on one of those "Girls Gone Wild" videos instead? What are you a retard?
ME: No.

MEL: Dude, they go really, really wild.
ME: Wasn't there a movie called the Rugrats Go Wild?

MEL: Yeah, but they didn't really go wild. I think All Dogs Go to Heaven once went wild.
ME: I'll have to check that out.

MEL: Alright, take it easy. Remember the Mel-man is with you!
ME: Sure.


  1. Who has to change Baby Huey's diaper?

  2. Fair question. Sadly I don't think they changed it once during the film.

    If they had I bet it would have been Marcia Brady.

  3. Anonymous6/22/2006

    Considered one of the most notorious box-office flops in history (next to the 'Road to Morocco'-rip-off 'Ishtar' with Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty the following year), 'Baby Huey's Great Easter Adventure' became the laughing stock of critics and movie-goers alike when it was released in theaters in 1986. If its executive producer, George Lucas, had his way, he would have canned that movie for good. But thanks to the home video boom in the 1980s, 'Baby Huey' would follow suit and find his way into video stores across America.

    Let's see, error prone Marcie, crabby Lucy, wise Linus, helping Snoopy, and good old Charlie Brown. I like the part where the Baby Huey approaches and gives the eggs to the kids. Woodstock is funny. The music is cool. And Marcie keeps messing up on boiling eggs. Which makes Peppermint Patty say "AAAUGGHH!" This happens for about 4 or 5 times. Why not just kick her out of here or something and let her do it herself. Or better yet, explain that eggs should not be broken, toasted or roasted in the beginning. That way she would not go through all this mess. I bet a lot of you people went up into similar problems as Peppermint Patty went into. You had similar problems with your friends or family members (like your siblings or parents no offense). If you like this one, you'll like IT'S ARBOR DAY CHARLIE BROWN (1976).

    Nearly twenty years later, 'Baby Huey' is slowly being pulled from video store shelves. But it is now that a film of such poor quality can be truly appreciated.

    Here's how it all goes down: After the opening title is shown in the thundering tradition of cinematic heavyweights like '2001: A Space Odyssey', we see Baby Huey's decent toward the planet Earth. Once he has reluctantly gotten his feet on the ground, he clashes with the dregs of society and saves the lead singer of an all-female punk band named Beverly, (played by 'Back to the Future's Lea Thompson). She tries to give him a hand, and help him get an explanation as to how he got sucked out of his living room and landed in Cleveland, Ohio.

    That explanation never actually makes any sense, but that doesn't matter, because better plot developments hinge upon it. With the help of a goofy lab janitor Phil (played by the immortal Tim Robbins in an early comedic role) and a big time nuclear scientist Dr. Jennings (none other than Jeffery Jones), Baby Huey finds out that a giant laser Jennings was using went haywire, and pulled Baby Huey down instead. But going back isn't going to be so easy, because one of Dark Overlords of Evil hitched a ride on that laser, and has plans of planet domination and destruction. And who better than to save the day than the 3'1" (3'2", that is) wise-"quacking" title character, Baby Huey!

    Although George Lucas got ripped apart for having his hands in this one, I have yet to see a movie that is so awful, so terribly bad that I have been brought to tears crying at simply recalling scenes from this flick. The opening sequences on the duck planet contain countless parodies of American pop culture, and Baby Huey's implausible hurtle through space is enough to make even the most serious chuckle.

    Audiences back in 1986 didn't seem to, however. But something about watching this flop nearly two decades later makes all of these scenes so much funnier. The way I see it, our teen generation now has a funny fascination with the decade in which they were born, the 80s, and anything from it has a distinctive look and sound. American pop culture was throwing away Three's Company for MTV, LPs for tapes, and the Bee Gees for the Brat Pack. The youth took yet another step in distancing themselves from their parents, and although they furthered that schism, they too felt a strong connection the past few decades. What was happening when I was in utero? Taking my first steps? Saying my first words?

    Today's generation has 'Baby Huey' as one of the most endangered time capsules of the 80s. You've got a one-of-a-kind performance by now Academy Award Winner Tim Robbins, whose his explanation of duck's evolutionary scale is priceless. George Lucas's own Industrial Light and Magic (ILM) special effects studio must be embarrassed to have itself credited with the horrendous effects (the Dark Overlord, for one). You've got a helplessly catchy theme song, reveling in all of its cheesy 80s pop-synth glory.

    The jokes are terrible, the dialogue sub-par, the plot laughable. But you know what, you'll laugh you a$$ off.

    Join me in saving 'Baby Huey' from being pulled from video store shelves. Today's generation will love the waddling fowl more than the angry movie-goers who saw this dud in the theaters. Keep him alive! Quite admittedly, this isn't the best movie in the world. But the fact that it's so camp-ish makes it better than if it had seemed terribly serious in nature. Then again, the only reason I have seen this movie so many times is that I am such a huge fan of David L. Lander (who is positively adorable here), and the inclusion of other classic TV stars is fun (if not a little sad that this is the best material some of them can get). My sister said of this movie after watching it, "It's bad, but in a good way." Very true. I love most of the music in here (but try not to laugh at a giant baby duck singing a heart-felt song about not belonging anywhere). Watch it without trying to take it too seriously; that will make all the difference!

  4. I object to your lack of comments. OBJECTION!

  5. Anonymous6/26/2006

    What was the name of the kid on the jetsons?

  6. Jane and Leroy were the Jetson's kids.

  7. Anonymous6/26/2006

    Why don't you come to visit any more?

  8. I am confused did Baby Huey do the Bedrock twist?

    Anyway, we used to have this video at the library where I worked and it was always checked out around Easter. Largely because it was one of the very few Easter movies we had.