Monday, March 07, 2005

Mocking the List: Bravo's 100 Greatest TV Characters

Yes, Bravo is an authority of good television. Who better to tell us what we like? So, they took all the television characters they could think of and put them in what looks like a well thought out list. Let's take a look:

100. Xena
99. Monk
98. Steve Urkel

Eeeeek. URKEL! Let me alert you to a sad reality of this list. Before you get your hopes up, ALF, B.A. Baracus, Fred Flintstone and the castaways of Gilligan's Island did NOT make this list. Yet Urkel stands proudly at number 98.
This would be like doing a list of the greatest NFL Linebackers of all time and putting... uh... URKEL on that list! That makes just as much sense.
97. Dr. Smith
96. Artie
95. Doug Ross
94. Vic Mackey
93. Maynard G Krebs

Perhaps I am not as big a TV fan as I thought. I think this list just looks like a bunch of people I went to high school with. Except Maynard G Krebs. I WISH I went to high school with him. He was on "The Many Lives of Dobie Gillis". He was a beatnik played by Bob "Gilligan" Denver that was the model for Scooby Doo's Shaggy.
In case you are also unfamiliar with the names above, I did a little research.
Vic Mackey is Michael Chiklis' character on "The Shield" and Dr. Doug Ross is either George Clooney on "ER" or Gene Wilder in the movie "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask".
I assume its Clooney, but this list is so flawed the other choice is just as likely.
Dr. Smith was from "Lost in Space" and as for Artie, I am not sure. Until I hear otherwise, I assume they ARE talking about that guy I went to high school with. I am glad he did so well for himself.
92. Agent Dale Cooper
91. Caine
90. Herman Munster
89. Lt. Castillo
88. Jamie Somers
87. Gomez & Morticia

I hate when they put two people together and count them as one! Why can't they be TWO separate entries on the list? And what about Lilly Munster? If we are going to put the couple from one of the macabre comedies, why not the other? Why must Herman Munster be alone? Bravo should stay off this path; it's a slippery slope, my friends, a slippery slope.
86. Maxwell Smart
85. Napoleon Solo/Illya Kuryakin
84. Bob Hartley
83. Vinnie Barbarino
82. Gil Grissom & Catherine Willow
81. Cast of Will & Grace

See what I mean by "slippery slope!" The CAST of Will and Grace!!! What's next??? Is number 80 'EVERYONE ON NBC???'
80. Jack Tripper
79. Charles Ingalls
78. Rob & Laura Petrie
77. Dr. Craig
76. Ellenor Frutt
75. Ally McBeal
74. Beaver
73. Dr. Johnny Fever
72. Dick Solomon
71. Dan Fielding

These are some good ones! Dr. Johnny Fever from "WKRP"! I love him! Plus Dan Fielding (John Laroquette) from "Night Court"! AWESOME. And who could forget The Beaver? No one, not even Bravo.
Dr. Craig stumps me. I know there was a Dr. Craig on "St. Elsewhere, "Huff", "One Life To Live" and "All My Children". I was hoping it was an 'evil Dr. Phil' but then I remembered that Dr. Phil is evil, very evil.
70. Niles Crane
69. David Addison/Maddie Hayes
68. Benson
67. Jim Ignatowski
66. Carla Tortelli
65. John Boy
64. Jessica Fletcher
63. Andy Taylor
62. Francis Xavier Pembleton
61. Crockett & Tubbs
60. Mork

Carla from Cheers, both cops from Miami Vice and Mork. What more could you want? Oh yeah: ALF, B.A. Baracus, Fred Flintstone and the castaways of Gilligan's Island.
59. Al & Peg Bundy
58. Barney Miller
57. Rhoda Morgenstern
56. Mick Belker
55. Capt. Picard
54. Rocky & Bullwinkle
53. Pres. Josiah Bartlet
52. Emma Peel
51. Murphy Brown
50. Sam & Diane

I wish this was a broadcast on TV in the same format as the WWE's Royal Rumble. My money would be on Bullwinkle.
49. Maude Findlay
48. Ted Baxter
47. Carmela Soprano
46. Cast of Friends
45. Marshal Matt Dillon
44. Cliff Huxtable
43. Thomas Magnum
42. Laverne & Shirley
41. The Barone Family

AGAIN they use this "the cast of" nonsense. Why didn't they just make a '100 Greatest Casts' list?
40. Fred Sanford
39. Kojak
38. Sgt. Ernie Bilko
37. Marcus Welby
36. Barney Fife
35. Lou Grant
34. Kermit & Miss Piggy
33. Maverick
32. Scully & Mulder
31. Samantha Stephens
30. Det. Lenny Briscoe
29. Alex Keaton
28. Perry Mason

Barney Fife should be proud to be in the company of such other fine officers of the law. I hope he still has that bullet in his pocket, however. Those Muppets are notorious lawbreakers.
27. Ann Marie
26. Frasier Crane
25. Joe Friday
24. Louis De Palma
23. Andy Sipowicz
22. Richard Kimble
21. Mr. Spock
20. Ed Norton
19. Eric Cartman

This is the city. Los Angeles, California. I work here... I carry a badge. My name is Joe Friday. It was Tuesday, February 9. It was raining in Los Angeles. We were working with survelience on the Bravo network. I was convinced they were on some kind of mind altering drug since they put "Eric Cartman" on a list of the "Greatest TV Characters Ever." Instead, they are just stupid.
18. Roseanne
17. Jim Rockford
16. George Jefferson
15. J.R. Ewing
14. Hawkeye Pierce
13. Buffy

Where is Wheezy Jefferson??? Every other couple in the history of TV seems to be listed here as a couple but not the Jeffersons!!! I can't argue with putting George on the list, but to overlook Wheezy!!!! Shame, Bravo, shame.
12. Edith Bunker
11. Carrie Bradshaw
10. Tony Soprano
9. Capt. James T. Kirk
8. Mary Richards
7. Lt. Columbo
6. Seinfeld Cast
5. Homer Simpson
4. The Fonz
3. Lucy Ricardo
2. Ralph Kramden
1. Archie Bunker

Rounded out nicely with Lucy Ricardo, Ralph Kramden and Archie Bunker, but still this list is as flawed as any list could possibly be.

No one from "Knight Rider", EVERYONE from "Will and Grace". No Norm and no Cliff but everyone who has ever appeared on HBO.


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