Tuesday, August 24, 2004

The mountains of Disneyland

In fabulous Disneyland California, there are 4 mountains. The mountains are each different and unique. Let us take a look at them:

Matterhorn Mountain:
Based on the famous mountain of the same name, the Matterhorn has been taking guests on a thrilling ride for almost 50 years. The ride is a bobsled ride through the snow capped peak. In the old days of the Skyway, that ride used to go right through the mountain. Along the ride you are chased by a big white furry monster. He looks like a villain from Scooby Doo.
When the ride opened singer Lena Horn was very popular. A favorite joke of the day was "Matterhorn? If it's not Lena Horn it doesn't matter." Not funny? Remember, people back then were amazed by the hula hoop.

Splash Mountain:
Located in Critter Country, this mountain is home to Br'er Rabbit, Br'er Bear and Br'er Fox from the film Song Of The South. You ride in a giant log and eventfully take a plunge into the bottom of a Briar Patch. When you splash down, you may get soaked from the plunge.
In case you are wondering Br'er means Brother. Brother and Sister are Christian terms of kinship especially prevalent in the South. Disney released a film in 2003 called Brother Bear this means that Disney has two Brother Bears: Br'er Bear from Song of the South and Kenai from Brother Bear.
We found this partial Script from the upcoming film Br'er Bear vs. Brother Bear.

INT. Cave- Day
Br'er Bear is sleeping, Brother Bear walks in.
What are YOU doing in my cave.

I was just sleepin'.

I'll let you sleep... PERMANANTLY!

The two bears clash violently each scratching at each other with their claws. Suddenly, Br'er Bear falls to the ground. Brother Bear GROWLS, triumphantly.
We hear the sound of glass shattering. Brother Bear turns to see:
You knocked him down, why don't you try knocking me down.
Bring it!

Big Thunder Mountain:
Once the home of Nature's Wonderland and Rainbow Caverns, Big Thunder is home to a rip, roaring mining train. This is a fast and rickety rollercoaster.
For those that have never rode Big Thunder Mountain, think of it as a tamer version of the NJ Rail Commuter train, WITHOUT that odd cheese smell.

Space Mountain:
Inside this futuristic Dome is one of the most famous roller coasters in the world. A small rollercoaster that feels much faster than it is due to the darkness it is presented in.
Although the creators of Disneyland rides strive for realism, Space Mountain is not very realistic.
In order to find out what a real 'space mountain' would be like, we asked NASA. They never responded so we asked a guy at the mall who was wearing glasses.

Me: Excuse me! You in the glasses! You look pretty smart.
Man in glasses: I have an IQ of 100.
Me: Wow! A perfect score! What would riding a mountain in space be like?
Man in glasses: Well, I think you would feel a slow burning in your lungs as the oxygen was replaced by space air, and then your eyes would turn to dust. Then as you got to the bottom of the mountain the space air would pull you back up.
Me: That sounds even BETTER than Space Mountain!

And those are the mountains of Disneyland.


  1. "A perfect score!"

    I loved this line!

    I have been to Disneyworld, but not Disneyland. Matterhorn looks sooooo cool!

  2. Anonymous8/24/2004

    I am wondering if Not Enough Duff could comment on whether Disney is planning a roller coaster based on Hillary Duff's breasts.

  3. Anonymous, this is a family site! We do not discuss boob-inspired rollercoasters! Now, if it was a boob-inspired tilt a whirl...

  4. I loved the Skyway! I can't belive they got rid of it!

  5. yo, that brother bear stuff was a riot!

  6. "Matterhorn? If it's not Lena Horn it doesn't matter."

    Lena would be proud.

  7. Anonymous8/25/2004

    Space Mountain isn't really a mountain. It looks like a rusty gas cap.

  8. Currently, there are no plans for a ride based on Hillary's endowments. Disney thought it would be in bad taste. However, look for Disney to introduce a long flume featuring her called, "Make Hillary Wet."

  9. I once went to the mountains of Dinseyworld and got lost. I was almost attacked by a Yette. If it was not for a brave Navajo Indian and a St. Bernard with a barrell full of whiskey attached to his collar, I never would have made it out alive.

  10. You know what would be AWESOME?? If Evel Knievel jumped over the mountains of Disneyland while Brother Bear and Whinnie the Pooh were fighting on his motocycle. Then Brother Bear tagged in Mr. T, and T and Pooh went at hit with Pooh almost pinning Mr. T. However, T was close enough to the ring to tag Hulk Hogan. Hogan body slams Pooh, but Kanga and Roo jump on the bike and smash a jar of Honey over Hogan's head. Pandom erupts and wrestlers from all sides jump onto the bike. Next thing anyone knows, Mankid has Tigger in a headlock. Eyore's tail is removed. Piglet is in the corner, punching Triple H. Iron Shiek and Nikoli Volkav come out of retirement and start wrestling on the bike. It's madness and then they all splash down on the "Make Hillary Duff Wet Log Flume." Oh man that would be SWWEEETT!!!

  11. That would be the awesomest thing ever!