Friday, February 18, 2005

Grip and Flip Till it Hurts

Yeah, if you watch TV late at night you know EXACTLY what I am talking about. Heck, if you watch any kind of syndicated program I am SURE you have seen this.

It's a commercial that won’t go away.

This product plays off the simple truth that spatulas suck. I know this to be fact because the commercial told me so. Apparently humans throw most of the food we cook onto the floor because we dare to use a standard spatula. The commercial shows a hapless cook flinging eggs around wildly you would think he was having a seizure.

Then we meet Cathy Mitchell. She looks like she could be your grandma, or an elderly aunt. Soon she will haunt your dreams forever.

Cathy tells us of the trauma we have ALL experienced at the hands of that fickle mistress Miss Spatula. Hamburgers falling through the cracks of the grill, hotdogs rolling out of the pan and eggplant parmesan dropped on our finest tuxedos.

It's a wonder there haven't been more spatula related injuries in the home.

Now, I know what you are thinking, "Cathy, cooking techniques have been the same for over a million years. No one, I mean NO ONE, would dare mess with them."

Well stop thinking and start dialing.

Cathy is smarter than anyone that walked the earth before her. She could have chosen to cure cancer or make a robot that could smoke cigars.

Instead she re-invented the spatula.


She made the spatula into a half spatula, half tongs, and half pitch-fork "poking thingy". I know, that’s three halves, but this thing is THAT amazing. She calls it the "Grip and Flip".

You would expect Cathy to stop there. Heck, I pretty much assumed she would poke herself in the brain with the "Grip and Flip" just to end her life. What more could she live for???? She has already done so much for humankind!

Well, there is more.

You know how when you try to get soup out of a pot you always get too much broth and not enough vegetables? Me neither. But, according to Cathy it happens. Perhaps she just can't accept soup the way it is.

And WHY should she?

So she revolutionized the ladle! How you ask? She drilled a few holes in it. It's called the "Scoop and Strain" and it’s a bit of a let down. But hey, Babe Ruth didn't hit 'em all over the fence either.

I am sure this disappointment wouldn't keep you from putting an extra $19.95 in Cathy's pocket, but she isn’t finished.

She also has the "6 in 1 Kitchen Utensil". The name is dull, but she used to call this one the "Chef Wizard". Now she calls changed the name (I assume) because people wouldn't buy it assuming it was only good for casting wicked spells on ham.
The "6 in 1" she says is "so precise, it'll even pick up a thin dime."

A thin dime you say? Do we have fat dimes? Plus why would you want to use a kitchen tool to carry change? Plus, I am a little bothered by the use of the word "precise". I just stuck some used chewing gum on the end of a plunger and used THAT to pick up a dime. Is that precise?

You know what I am not sure I stick by my original assessment of Cathy. Of course my opinion will probably change again when she introduces a cheese grater that will also detail my car.
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