Friday, March 14, 2008

More Movies Not On DVD

Man, DVDs are everywhere! Do you remember the days of VHS? Back then you really had to look for a place that sold VHS tapes. Today every single grocery store, tobacco shop or cobbler has a nice display of tobacco products. No wait, VHS tapes... I mean DVDs.

These movies, however, have not made the jump to DVD:

Skidoo- This is a bizarre film. Jackie Gleason plays this Archie Bunker character and he ends up in jail for some reason. In jail he tries LSD. The main drug dealer is played by Groucho Marx. His name is God. Mickey Rooney, Caesar Romero and a few other famous people stop by.

Club Fed- This also has something to prison. It stars Pauly from the Rocky movies and Sherman Hemsley

The Chicken Chronicles- This film is about a teen-aged Steve Guttenberg trying to lose his virginity. I imagine it ends with him hanging himself from a shower rod.

Full Moon High- This is basically Teen Wolf but made a few years before that. Also, Ed McMahon plays the father of the teen wolf.

The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh- This is a late 70's basketball film starring Dr. J, Kareem Paulula Abdul Jabar and Wilt Chamberlain. The 'fish' in the title has something to do with astrology.

Penn & Teller Get Killed- This is a fun film where everyone's favorite magic makers get offed. The film was directed by Arthur Penn which, as a kid, I thought might be some kind of combination of Penn and Teller's first names. I was very impressed to find out they also directed Bonnie & Clyde.

Dr. Death: Seeker of Souls- This horror flick marks the last appearance of Stooge Moe Howard. Moe pokes the devil in the eye and then hits him with a banana cream pie. The devil then rips off Moe's head and wears it as a hat. Hysterical stuff.

Higher Ground- John Denver plays a cop. No foolin'.

Skateboard: The Movie- This skateboard film follows the L.A. Wheels skating team (one of the gang is played by skate legend Tony Alva) as they rise to prominence.

Freewheelin’- This is a dramatized story of the life of skateboarder Stacey Peralta. Stacey plays himself... which I guess means he is a lazy, self centered jerk. As sappy tunes play he rides his skateboard along side his super bland, skinny girlfriend. He has a horrible job as a bus boy where SHOCKINGLY he is asked to clean tables! He complains constantly until some guy from Australia calls him and says "Hey Mate, come to Austrailia... first class!" Then he quits school ditches his girlfriend and the credits roll. Oh yeah, spoiler alert.

Rad- One of the best films NOT on DVD, this is the story of Cru Jones and his quest to ride Helltrack. It's kind of the "Rocky" of bike race movies (so much so that 'Adrian' Talia Shire plays Cru's mom.) It features one of my all time favorite line... when Cru does a 360 on his bike the announcer proclaims "Oh my word! A back flip! Hulk Hogan eat your heart out." I wish at that point the camera cut to a sobbing Hulk Hogan, but instead we see Hollywood Mike Miranda wipe out again.

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