Monday, January 22, 2007

Cool Calvin Coolidge

You can't spell "cool" without Calvin Coolidge.

Of course you can't spell "acne" or "clod" or "dolt" or "goon" or even "dog love."

But Calvin Coolidge did more than help us spell the words for dermatological disorders and insults from MAD magazine. He served as the 30th President of the United States.

Born on on the fourth of July back in 1872 Coolidge was known as a boy to be a bit of a practical joker.

Yeah, think about that.

Imagine being one of his old pals. "Look, Calvin became President! Remember when he pantsed me. Wow, that was funny."

Anyway, on August 3, 1923, Coolidge was visiting Vermont, Calvin Coolidge was told of the death of President Coolige. Since the family home had no electricity, Calvin (who was Vice President at the time) took the oath of office by the light of a kerosene lamp.

You know, why is it even called a "practical" joke?? What is practical about, say, a whoopee cushion? Is it that "practical??"

Coolidge graduated from Amherst College with honors, and entered law and politics in Massachusetts.

You know, the more I think about it, a whoopee cushion is somewhat practical. If you wanted to embarass someone with flatulance you used to have to feed them gassy foods. That meant you had to prepare gassy foods. Then you had to replace thier Gas X pills with sugar pills and cross your fingers that the timing would ensure maximum embarrasment. Yeah, I guess the whoopee cushion is actually quite practical.

Eventually Coolidge was the Republican Governor of Massachusetts.

After that he ran for President and won.

Blah blah blah he did some kind of tax cut in 1923, blah blah blah foreign policy etc etc.


His nickname was Silent Cal

Was the only president to be born on the 4th of July

He was found dead by his wife in their Northampton home on January 5th 1933 of coronary thrombosis


That last fun fact wasn't really fun, but the word "thrombosis" is

After a little "thrombosis" research and the viewing of some horrible photos I realized "thrombosis" isn't fun

Sometimes horrible photos stay in your brain after you see them

It's impossible to un-see them

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