Here's my Christmas village. I put Godzilla in it. I never get tired of it:
Anywhoo, I love Christmas. Love every second of it. My collection of decorations gets bigger and stupider every year.
In the kitchen I have a Festivus pole and one of those big dancing Santas. I gave him a Red Man tobacco fanny pack and a WWE Nexus hat:
I got a small tree in the hall with assorted Christmas knick knacks. My favorite is fishing Santa:
Happy Refrigerator Day! It's a reference to the holiday episode of the Henson TV show Dinosaurs:
I have a crazy amount of stuffed animals wearing Santa hats. A few years ago I bought a tree just for them. I just stuff them in the tree:
I have a "home theater" which sounds silly to say. You wouldn't say you have a "home kitchen". Whatever you call it, the theater has a big tree and a little tree:
I got a great tacky little blue tree in my "home kitchen":
Finally, here is my living room tree. It's full of crazy ornaments:
Actually, that isn't everything. I have a fake fireplace that I didn't put up this year, a nativity set my the front door and assorted little things all around the house. Usually after Christmas it takes a few weeks before I am sure I got everything. There is always one or two I forget and notice in mid January.
Still, I always find more stuff I want. I saw this at a liquor store this week:
How cool is that! A crazy Heineken tree with ads for James Bond Skyfall.
I also saw these ornaments on eBay. I would love these:
I am fan of Twinkie the Kid. I like Twinkies, but I LOVE Twinkie the Kid!
When I was in grade school Hostess removed Twinkie the Kid from the package and I was livid. I started a petition and got 200+ signatures to have Kid return. I received a nice letter stating that Kid was still around, just not on the current box. They sent some coupons and a plastic ring.
Eventually Twinkie the Kid returned to the package.
A few years ago the put out some retro packages with classic "banana flavored Twinkies". They were pretty gross. But the box was awesome. I saved it:
They also made retro packaged Cup Cakes:
The package included a deal to get Twinkie the Kid watch. I got one. You can see in the picture of my office below:
You can also see a plush Twinkie the Kid. He's being watched by Elvis, Bogart, Geppetto and Jesus. He also has a classic XFL football.
I don't really believe that Twinkies are going away for good. Even if they end up being one of those weird, old fashioned things that you can only get at Cracker Barrel, like GooGoo Clusters.
Still, when I heard about the closing of Hostess on 11/16, I ran to the nearest 7/11 and picked up a package. I went with the chocolate cream because... well, that's pretty amazing.
They were pretty damn good. I only eat Twinkies once a year, so I won't miss 'em for a while, but if I do I can take comfort under my Twinkie the Kid hat:
I collect lots of nostalgic things which usually means having to deal with used stuff... often used by kids 30 years ago.
The other night I was flipping through a Cabbage Patch Kids book I found at a book sale at the library.
As I flipped through the book I noticed some child had taken a purple marker and scribbled over the faces of most of the adults in the book.
Seemed odd and a bit angry, but kids are kids.
Then on the final page one of the girl Cabbage Patch Kids got adopted. She put her arm around he best friend. The artist/vandal had added a single purple tear to her eye and the phrase "Girls Die."
Yeah. I assume some boy was either mad at his sister or maybe an aunt that bought him a sissy Cabbage Patch Kids book for Christmas.
On last night's Adventure Club Podcast I performed a song I originally written here back in 2004.
It's a parody of Monster Mash all about the spinoffs of the TV series M*A*S*H. I try to sing it like Dracula, but I sound more like a cross between The Count from Sesame Street and and Italian Bela Lugosi.
You can hear the whole episode here, but I figured I would post just the song below:
The Monster M*A*S*H by Guy Hutchinson
I was watching M*A*S*H* late one night
When my eyes beheld an funny sight
from my funny bone, laughs began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
It wasn't M*A*S*H*
It was AfterMASH
this AfterMASH
about a hospital staff
some guys from M*A*S*H*
were in this new cast
but it's not M*A*S*H*
It is After MASH
Colonel Potter had tried to start a new life
Retired from the Army spending time with his wife
But it got boring sitting around day after day
So he applied for a job- at the V.A.
Sorta like M*A*S*H*
but this was AfterMASH
The AfterMASH
Before the ratings crashed
It was like M*A*S*H
They called it AfterMASH
I prefer M*A*S*H
But, I'll watch AfterMASH
Klinger was stuck, spent time in jail
Potter came along and posted bail
offered him a job and Father Mulcahy, too
and soon enough their careers were through
Not from M*A*S*H
but from AfterMASH
because after M*A*S*H
was nothing but trash
Around the country people started to shout
They didn't understand what AfterMASH was about
They looked at the screen and shook thier fists
And said, "Whatever happened to Alan Alda?"
He was on M*A*S*H*
but not on AfterMASH
Why not AfterMASH
He didn't need the cash
From AfterMASH
It went off the air in a flash
Not much else rhymes with M*A*S*H
So, I'll repeat AfterMASH
Soon it was over, AfterMASH was canned
but another spin off was about to land
this one too had ratings that would falter
it starred Gary Burghoff and was called W*A*L*T*E*R
Radar from M*A*S*H
This parody is redundant-mash
kind of stupid-mash
hasn't been funny for three stanzas-mash
should have stopped earlier-mash
oh God, make it stop-mash
what does this even have to do with Halloween-mash?
I think I'll go watch Trapper John MD
When I was a kid Cracked magazine was the number 2 humor magazine for kids. I have no stat to back this up, but it has to be true.
While most of my friends had silly "It's not as good as MAD" hang ups, I didn't care. I bought both MAD and Cracked (and Crazy) whenever I had enough money.
Well, eventually they went under and became a website that was, for a time, very funny.
What in the hell happened?
It's paint by numbers nonsense. Slightly above the quality of this site, sure... but they have actual advertisers.
Here is how the Cracked.com articles usually go:
The title is usually quite presumptuous. It always claims to have some "amazing" facts or "secrets" or whatever and assumes you don't know them.
You probably do.
Comedy. Who needs it?
Poorly written paragraph of "secret" info that's widely known? CHECK! Image stolen from some other site? CHECK! Random sentence that sounds almost like comedy? CHECK!
Good gravy!?! Why on earth do you need to go to 3 pages to read an article that has less words than your average Tweet?
Because Cracked.com needs the page views! Keep clicking. There may be a joke in there... if not, read the comments. Between the vaguely racist and awkward comments, there may be something that might get a smile from ya.
Go to Cracked.com if you please. I'm sticking with this:
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