My RST Video Card

Yep, I had a membership in the (now closed) video store from the movie Clerks.



I never actually rented anything. I just opened an account one day when I visited. Pretty sweet souvenir.

The day I went there they had a really goofy clerk. He kept showing me VHS tapes that they keep in the back room. Off beat horror movies like "Don't Look Under the Stairs."

He claimed that he would go to jail if he rented them to me.

Nonetheless I gave him my credit card as a security deposit. Not the smartest decision. Glad things worked out OK.

Remember the pearl!

Here is a wacky autograph I have:



It's a closeup of a poster from Pearl Harbor shot in a dark room with a cheap camera. Sorry.

Anyway, I met Andrew Bryniarski at a horror convention where he was signing autographs in conjunction with his part as Leatherface in a new Texas Chainsaw flick.

All day long he was signing and drawing a dead happy face. After signing my poster he realized what he had done. "Crap! I just drew a dead face on a Pearl Harbor poster! Man, that's disrespectful!"

So Andrew wrote a bunch of stuff on it to hopefully soften the blow of his cartoon. He also told me stories of the making of Pearl Harbor. He teared up a bit.

Later he talked about playing Leatherface. He teared up then too.

I guess that's his thing... that and drawing little dead faces on Pearl Harbor posters.

An all Muppet Christmas

I don't know how The Muppets became so closely connected to Christmas but you cannot deny the sheer multitude of Christmas specials & movies featuring Jim Henson's creations.
With a new Muppet flick in theaters (with no Christmas theme, sadly) I figured it would be a good idea to look at all the felt & Feliz Navidad combos I have seen.

Here they are in no particular order:

The Great Santa Claus Switch: OK, I know I said that this was in no order, but it still seems appropriate to start with the original one. Way back in 1970 Ed Sullivan hosted a TV special with The Muppets. The story involved Art Carney as Santa and marked the debut of Gonzo.







The Muppets Christmas Carol: This film appeared in theaters at some point. I don't remember what year, but I remember it was the same year as "The Bodyguard" and "Bram Stoker's Dracula". I remember that because I asked for a ticket for "Bram Stoker's Muppet Bodyguard" when I went to see it. Yeah, no one laughed then either.

Elmo's Christmas Countdown: This one is pretty recent. Features Ben Stiller as a puppet.

Muppet Family Christmas: An absurd amount of Muppets convene at Fozzie's mom's house. This includes Sesame Street characters and Fraggles. Its a blast.

Muppets: Letters to Santa: This 2008 special follows Gonzo, Fozzie, Kermit, Rizzo & Pepe as they travel to the North Pole to deliver Santa his mail. Along the way they deal with the annoyances of airport security & Paul Williams.










Elmo's World Happy Holidays: This video release features Kelly Ripa as a mail man... uh... female man? I don't remember much about it except that they showed a Kwanza party that had some mac & cheese that looked so good I paused the tape to heat up some Easy Mac.
Oh yeah, they also tell the story of the birth of Jesus with Bert playing Joesph.










Holidays From The Ed Sullivan Show: This barely counts, but this Bob Newhart hosted showcase of Christmas themed Ed Sullivan clips features Muppets on the cover and a segment with The Muppets as they sing a tune from Muppet Christmas Carol.




A Sesame Street Christmas Carol: Oscar plays Scrooge. Some CGI Muppets are in this one.

It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie: I love this one! It basically rips off "It's A Wonderful Life" and features a weird Croc Hunter parody. Plus Pepe, tries to sleep with Joan Cusack. Yeah, its that awesome.

The Christmas Toy: This one is hosted by Kermit and features a host of new characters in a story that Pixar later ripped off for "Toy Story". Seriously.




Christmas Eve on Sesame Street: Classic Sesame Street special that has Big Bird waiting up to see if Santa can visit homes that have no chimney. Then Cookie Monster eats the Christmas tree.

A Special Sesame Street Christmas: This was released the SAME year as Christmas Eve on Sesame Street. It featured just a few Muppets and Michael Jackson.




Elmo Saves Christmas: This one has Elmo wishing it was Christmas every day. Santa is played by Charles Durning who also played Doc Hopper.




Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas: A great special that would take too long to explain. Google it. Then Google Gulf of Tonkin... and Otunga.

John Denver & The Muppets, A Christmas Together: Last on this list, John Denver & The Muppets was complimented by a more popular album of Christmas tunes. It features "Christmas Wish" which is my personal favorite Christmas song. It also features John Denver as a wooden soldier.

The Bollywood version of 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'

How did I live so long without knowlege of this gem?

Recently I was watching a 5 hour documentary on the Freddy Kreuger franchise and they briefly mention that there was a Bollywood remake.

My jaw dropped to the floor.

Bollywood and Freddy? Those are my two favorite things!

Actually I had never seen a Bollywood film before so favorite might be a bit strong.

This movie ROCKS. You have singing, dancing, Freddy and a guy who pretends to be Michael Jackson.

The story is a pretty close remake of the original 'Nightmare' with some shots stolen from a few of the sequels. And Freddy has a glorious head of hair. Somewhat mullet-ish.

I wish every country had their own Freddy.

I watched Family Ties for the Ubu

I watched Family Ties growing up. It was a pretty good show. I was a big fan of Michael J. Fox or MJF (as my grade school pals called him.) I thought Justine Bateman was hot and I liked Michael Gross who later became my best friend in the world.

But the REAL reason I watched Family Ties was for Ubu.



At the end of every episode a production title card showed Ubu with a frisbee in his mouth as we heard "Sit Ubu, Sit. Good dog."



Ubu was a real dog and was owned by the head of that company. There really isn't much more to say about it.

But, I will try.

See, I was fascinated with Ubu. The first dozen times I saw the ending of Family Ties (or any other Ubu production) I would laugh. It was pretty funny. Or maybe bizarre was a better word.

Ubu wasn't sitting, anyway.

He was standing with a frisbee in his mouth.

I always assumed there was a deeper meaning to that.

But, there probably wasn't.

Also, Ubu is a strange name for a dog. The owner named the dog after a play from the 1800s. That seems pretentious and makes me hate him a little... the owner, not Ubu.

I could never hate Ubu.

Topps Hot Hunks

Topps has been the leading seller of trading cards since the days when baseball players had mustaches the size and shape of an oxen plow harness.

Here is a picture of an oxen plow harness and a baseball players mustache:


SEE! They are exactly the same size and shape.

When I was a youth new companies started to emerge and challenge Topps for dominance of the baseball card industry.

Companies like Fleer, O-Pee-Chee and Dunruss began taking chunks of the market away and Topps was forced to produce Hot Hunks:


Now instead of dealing with silly baseball players, a tribute could be made to a more worthy celebrity.

The hunk.

And not just any hunk... hot ones. Only the hottest of the worlds hunks were allowed to apply for the position of model for Topps Hot Hunks.

In the end, Topps amassed an astonishing cadre of hot hunks. Names like Michael J. Fox, Johnny Depp and Corey Haim... just to name a few.

Names like River Phoenix, Kirk Cameron and Jason Bateman to name some more.

Names like Bruce Willis to name the one I had forgotten.

Unlike the baseball card the Hot Hunk card wasn't a card.

No! It was a freakin' sticker.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, baseball card collectors. And they can, because as I mentioned it was a sticker.

Fearing that the public would be confused by the lack of a Hot Hunks sticking pad to affix the Hot Hunk to, Topps announced clearly on the box where you could stick them:

Yes, if you own a wall or a locker you had a perfect item to adorn it. If you had a mirror... EVEN BETTER. No longer would you have to stare at your own stupid reflection. From that day forth it was Hot Hunks whenever you looked towards a piece of glass that had the back painted black.

Then, knowing that Hot Hunks could do so much more they proclaimed: STICK THEM ANYWHERE:


I stuck one to the roof of my mouth. I haven't checked in years, but I assume it's still there.

As soon as Topps released Hot Hunks the entire card industry fell like a house of... uh... I don't have a good analogy. Just picture a fake representation of a house made from small cardboard rectangles. You know it would be easy to knock down.

That is what happened to the card industry.

Soon Fleer went back to just selling women's shoes and shoe accessories. Mr. Dunruss declared bankruptcy and moved into his brother's house. And O-Pee-Chee announced that they weren't even real.