Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Fake Chinese Theater

Take a look at this beautiful sight:
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It's Sid Grauman's Chinese Theater, located on Hollywood Boulevard between Orange and North Highland. It's my favorite place in the world...

...or is it?

Actually, this is NOT the Chinese Theater, it's a facade. Located in Walt Disney World's Disney MGM Studios, this full sized replica is pretty impressive.

It is used as the entrance for "The Great Movie Ride." In addition to housing a neat, slow moving ride about the history of Hollywood movies this structure features an array of celebrity hand and footprints in the cement... not the same ones as the REAL Chinese Theater, but some big stars nonetheless.

Sure, the real Chinese Theater has prints of such stars as Marilyn Monroe and John Wayne. But the FAKE Chinese has Bobcat Goldthwait and Hulk Hogan.

The stars immortalized in the cement aren't the only differences between the two, there is also a few changes. The real theater has beautiful gold doors... the fake one has green doors. The fake forecourt has some palm trees, the real theater no longer has any.

I could go on all day trying to spot all the differences between the two, but lets face it: you don't really care and I have a Hot Pocket in the microwave.

Recently I took a bunch of photos of the replica of Grauman's Chinese Theater at Disney MGM Studios and now I share them with you.

This really cool dragon image towers above the door:
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This is a close up of the smaller statue of a little golden dude who stands just above the door... blissfully unaware of the giant dragon hovering above him:
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When I go to the Real Chinese Theater I like to imagine that the dragon has the voice of Sean Connery and he keeps telling me how many minutes to "show-time":
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Here I just pretend he sounds like Sean Waltman and he keeps telling me "...there is no wait at 'Drew Carey's Sounds Dangerous':
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I don't remember the grammar rules involving this thing: ":". In fact, I don't remember what it was called:
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Here are those doors I mentioned. The doors are all gold in Hollywood. The green is pretty cool, however:
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This is some of the detail on the door:
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On the left and right of the entrance are "Foo Lions" or "Guardian Dogs." The one on the right is male and his paw is resting on a globe so he can protect the earth. The other lion is female and she has her foot on a cub. They say its so she can protect it:
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Taking a closer look at the expression on her face, I am not totally sure she isn't trying to squash that poor baby cub.
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The forecourt is a semi-circle surrounding all the hand prints.:
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Amazing detail. In Hollywood this beautiful stone carving was covered for decades by a neon marquee. Today it has been restored and looks as nice as it's Florida doppelgänger :
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I am so proud of myself for writing the word "doppelgänger" that I am not going to add anything to this picture... plus I don't remember what it is:
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Now I remember, these are some of the little metal figures that adorn the roof of the building. I also just remembered that doppelgänger is supposed to refer to a living thing. So, yeah, I used it wrong:
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Here is a close up look at one of the decorations adorning the forecourt walls. God, how I wish I could work doppelgänger into this sentence:
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In Hollywood this is the Marilyn Monroe wishing well. Here it just looks like a giant infected molar:
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The symbolism of dragons, fire and bells are a popular theme in old Chinese design. Did you notice that this thing: ":" appear over the letter 'a' in doppelgänger? Like it's mocking me for not remembering it's name:
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This poster frame (advertising the ride) look somewhat similar to the posters at the REAL Chinese theater, but there the posters are bigger.
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The inside of the FAKE Chinese Theater is very ornate, but very different from the REAL one. This is mural you see when you enter (in the real theater a similar mural hangs over the concession stand):
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This is one of the ornamental chandeliers that hang in the lobby:
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Before you get on the ride, you go into a room with film trailers projected on a large screen. Adorning the walls are more art, like this dragon:
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The FAKE theater looks fantastic at night:
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Lastly, here is a plaque that hangs outside the FAKE Chinese Theater. It incorrectly states that the Chinese was built in 1928. In fact, the theater was built (and opened) in 1927:
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It's really a well done replica of an amazing place. I hope you enjoyed the photos...

...and one last time... doppelgänger!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Bathroom signage in Disney's Animal Kingdom

Animal Kingdom is the newest Disney theme park within the massive Florida resort.

It's not really new anymore, but it is still newest. Blah blah blah. Intro intro.

Anyway...

Here is the sign outside the men's room near the Dinosaur ride:

Take a good look at that. The dude has a GIANT bee on top of his head. Like an alien insect here to suck out his brains and fill the brain hole with pollen.

Sweet pollen.

The ladies don't have it much better:


A big Starship Trooper's reject is floating over her head.

HEY WAIT A MINUTE! THEY DO HAVE IT BETTER!
Look at the dude again:


That bee is NOT floating. He has landed and I do NOT see his stinger. BECAUSE IT HAS PIERCED THE MAN'S SKULL.

Think of the fear this instill in guys. Sure, you may have to pee, but do you want a bee the size of that bearded midget that was on Seinfeld permanently parting your hair?

Look at the ladies room sign again:


I think she is CONTROLLING that bug. I think that bug might even be Mothra. Perhaps the female shown is one of those two ladies that follow Mothra around and sing songs about her.

I just decided to "hold it in" until I got to Camp Mickey Minnie.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Bane searches the web for bunchojunk.com

If you enter bunchojunk.com through the blogger address it has a fake Google screen grab where "bunchojunk.com isn't stupid" is being searched. Google then asks "did you mean 'bunchojunk.com IS stupid.'"

It always made me laugh, but I always wondered if it was true.

2 seconds worth of research would have told me it wasn't but I just never bothered.

Until today.

I was stumped as to what I should write for the "3rd Anniversary Extravaganza" and suddenly it came to me:

I COULD SEARCH FOR "bunchojunk.com isn't stupid" ON GOOGLE.

And I did.

NO SEARCH RESULTS.

The end.






Wait, I was just informed that I have to contribute at least 3 or 4 more paragraphs. Well, let's try searching "bunchojunk.com."

Did you mean: bunchafunk.com

What is Google's obsession with bunchafunk.com? I checked it out. Not funky enough for me, I must admit.

bunchojunk.com/1k - Cached - Similar pages

bunchojunk.comwelcome to bunchojunk.com. Written by Sweetie Guy Hutchinson. Powered by Blogger. counter.
bunchojunk.blogspot.com/ - 10k - Cached - Similar pages

bunchojunk.com: Mr. Toad's Wild RideMr. Toad's Wild Ride. In 1949 Walt Disney Pictures released The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad. It is an odd film by Disney standards. ...
bunchojunk.blogspot.com/2004/08/mr-toads-wild-ride.html - 28k - Cached - Similar pages
[ More results from bunchojunk.blogspot.com ]

There it is! bunchojunk.com! Eat your heart out bunchafunk.com.

www.myspace.com/bunchojunkMyspace - reposted from bunchojunk.com (view more) ... A smatttering of bunchojunk.com (view more). [View All Blog Entries] ...
profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=15534958 - 139k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Back To The Future THE MUSICAL In Madrid (For Real?) [Archive ...I found a funny post about this on bunchojunk.com. ... Of course, from a site called "bunchojunk.com," none of the posts are likely to be legitimate. ...
www.bttf.com/forums/archive/index.php?t-20943.html - 22k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Sure, theres the Myspace page, but notice below that. There is a post about Back to the Future discussing a post from bunchojunk.com.

I love this comment: Of course, from a site called "bunchojunk.com," none of the posts are likely to be legitimate.


Anybody else notice this? [Archive] - MiceChatI even wrote an article about it on my WEBSITE (http://bunchojunk.blogspot.com/2005/08/disclaimer.html) bunchojunk.com (plug... plug... plug.) ...
micechat.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-15776.html - 12k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Soleil Moon Frye - ZimbioA long time ago bunchojunk.com presented a silly little article called "Movie Marathons." You can read the original version here . Get ready for some fun! ...
www.zimbio.com/Soleil+Moon+Frye - 35k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages


Sweetie posted a link to something on Mice Chat, but it's the second result that I find interesting. A Soleil Moon Frye fan site noticed that she was mentioned in a bunchojunk.com article.

Can you believe that??? A Soliel Moon Frye fan site!!!

The Shallow End of the Pool: Checking InThere's a post about it over on bunchojunk.com...link is to your left! # posted by Strutter71 : 2:18 PM. Post a Comment ...
strutter71.blogspot.com/2006/08/checking-in.html - 19k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

sphereit:opinionist.com/2006/12/19/memorial-to-the-war-on-terror ...8 hours ago from bunchojunk.com more articles. Jimmy Carter delivered this televised speech on July 15, 1979. Good evening. This is a special night for me. ...
www.sphere.com/search?link:query=0&q=sphereit%3Aopinionist.com%2F2006%2F12%2F19%2Fmemorial-to-the-war... - 24k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Here we see the site linked to on a blog... and on a very serious site about the war on terror. Funny.

nobs: Origins of Political Correctnessbunchojunk.com/. At 9:20 AM, Anonymous said... http://artlives.com. At 9:20 AM, Anonymous said... http://artlives.com/reciprocal_links.shtm ...
nobsblog.blogspot.com/2004/12/origins-of-political-correctness.html - 70k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Favorite LinksI may also include an explanation of what I like about the site. I look to this site for inspiration. It makes me laugh. www.bunchojunk.com. J'aime vous. ...
singer326910.tripod.com/id2.html - 21k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

This guy was inspired by Sweetie. Too bad his site sucked.

{"count":75,"value":{"title":"Copy of Aggregated News Alerts ...... target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/technorati.com\/blogs\/http:\/\/behindthejunk.blogspot.com\">bunchojunk.com more articles<\/a><\/strong> (pipes.yahoo.com/pipes/pipe.run?_id=1JSbf2O42xGe6AuOJZhxuA&_render=json&_run=1&textinput1=Prov... - 166k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

nobshttp://sifi.com. 9:13 AM; Anonymous said... bunchojunk.com/. 9:13 AM; Anonymous said... http://artlives.com/reciprocal_links.shtm. 9:21 AM; Anonymous said. ...
nobsnews.blogspot.com/2004/12/origins-of-political-correctness.html - 48k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Late Night Series :: Viewing profile[0.00% of total / 0.00 posts per day] Find all posts by Guy Hutchinson. Location:. Website:, http://www.bunchojunk.com. Occupation:. Interests: ...
www.latenightseries.com/forum/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=15&sid=a1df2012b6e06ff9e171aaa65d6eaa9c - 19k - Supplemental Result - Cached - Similar pages

Who.is is a website for performing whois lookups on domain names ...bunchojunk.com buncholosers.com buncholyrics.com bunchomoneygps.com buncho.net bunchonline.com bunchonoobs.com bunchonpanich.com ...
www.whois.ws/whois_index/b/domain_list.b.0786.php - 384k - Cached - Similar pages


I am shocked to see bunchojunk.com mentioned alongside such lousy sites as bunchonoobs.com, buncholyrics.com and buncholosers.com.

So shocked I am ending this search right here.

Congrats on 3 years, buddy.

WrITteN bY BaNE

Posted by Guy Hutchinson

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

You said it! One year of BOJ comments

Every time someone new goes to this site I always dread hearing their opinions.

Not because I think my work is sub-par. No, I think I am a genius word-smith.

It's you people I worry about.

Why?

Because without fail the first thing I hear about this site is "It's so funny... especially the comments at the bottom."

THE COMMENTS AT THE BOTTOM!!!

Sheesh.

Well, you guys are funny.

Truthfully, I often take credit for your work. I tell people I am actually Mr. Freeze, Hot Dog Vendor, Jason, CRAIG and Not Enough Duff.

I also once stabbed a man who asked if I was Jim Shorts.


So, lets take a look at some of the funny things YOU wrote during this year of posts:




Handwasher of the Dead said...
Ahh, I have missed Robert Reed so much. I remember when he passed away. I approached him and scrubbed his hands clean. They smelled like grapes.


Metal Mark said...
That was your best Jeffrey Tambor post ever...for what it's worth.


Katz said...
Fab. Just fab. I saw this in the theater when it came out. I remember that the floor was sticky. I don't recall the movie at all.


Strutter71 said...
I also own a PS2. No XBox here. I did, however, see these advertised on TV and wondered aloud who the hell would buy them?
I should have known the answer before I even asked the question.


Mr. Fuji said...
Oh the Shiek thinks he is so big... uh... oh yeah. Nevermind.


Jason said...
Not to nitpick but you did spell Calvin's name wrong in the fun facts section. You spelled it Chester A. Arthur.
My favorite Calvin is the almost unheard of Calvin and the Squirrels, which were an obvious knock off of Alvin and the Chipmunks.


Not Enough Cuffs said...
Cuffs is my favorite Christian Slater. I watch the film 2, maybe 4 times a day. I can't get enough of that film.
I'm going to watch it after I'm done posting.



Hot Dog Vendor said...
Yankee Doodles! Get your Yankee Doodles here! Can't enjoy the post without a Yankee Doodle.
Oh, btw, I am talking about the snack cake.


Don Muraco's Elbow Macaroni said...
Mmmmm. I'm delicious.


Todd The God said...
I also wonder why Chunk has two letters on his shirt.
I spend my saturdays playing scrabble and I use Chunk and company as playing peices.
I am filthy stinking rich.
This is the word of Todd.


Anthony Iron said...
You're the guy that stole my autographed picture!


Not Enough Hawk II said...
I started to get excited about this post then you started talking about Tony Hawk.
I am not a fan.
I like Road Warrior Hawk.
To save time, please pretend that I also posted an identical post about Hudson Hawk.


Jason said...
My favorite extra is the gum. Not the gum called Extra, though. I prefer Hubba Bubba. I think I remember seeing it in the background of some move.


Not Enough Fluff said...
I love stories on the news about water skiing racoons and dogs that were accidently issued credit cards. I wish the news did more stories about babies get jury summons!


Jim Shorts said...
Here's my list:
1. Foul
2. Foul
3. Upset about the war
4. Foul
5. Barb Wire


Mr. Freeze said...
Sweetie,
With all due respect, I have a different perspective on this event.
From what I recall, we went to Seattle for an event to honor Walter Lantz's nephew Roger Lantz and showcase some Mike Judge cartoons.
The first even we were attending was called "Two Decades of 'That Boy Ain't Right.' And Other Catch Phrases America Never Picked Up," and was being held at the King Music Theater, a 225-seat theater on Pike Street in Seattle.
There was a showing of Fantasia the night before, with a live orchestra, and we attended it.
Thom Cardwell, the Festival's executive director came on stage second. He was surrounded by two of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen. One was clearly his wife, while the other was his eldest daughter. He had a dumbbell in one hand and slapped his wife gently on the behind as she went behind the stage. He talked for a while about much he loves his wife and four kids.
Anyway, Thom introduced Roger Ebert, who introduced Roy Disney, who then introduced Roger Lantz.
Roger mentioned "….they had made a movie, all of you saw and shattered box office records everywhere called The Black Cauldron."
The audience remained silent. A tumbleweed blew across the stage. With a look of awe, Roger screamed, "Screw you! I don't need your charity, you bastards."
I seem to remember a different compilation of shorts, but all seven of them were just a montage of Hank Hill saying, "That boy Ain't Right." Including an odd short, where Hank, Bobby, Peggy, LuAnn, Dale, a toaster, Senn Penn, Ethan Hawke, a stapler and minature schnauzer were all played by Eddie Murphy.
Odd, I remember this so differently


Jay Leno's attorney said...
I am filing a cease and decist order in superior court over your use of a Joan Rivers joke.
That is Leno territory.


Jason said...
I haven't had a good philly cheesesteak in a long time. No one ever puts sauce on them any more. Where's the sauce, people?


I'M Da Bomb said...
I love this one. You know it was through the collaborative efforts of John Ford, Mervyn LeRoy, Joshua Logan and Henry Fonda that this version of Mister Rogers finally got made. As in Spartacus a lot of creative differences were aired and there was animosity, but the thing got made and got made well.
Is it the subtle script? The complex, yet subtle plot? Or is it just the powerful screen presence of the one and only Kenny Rogers? Whatever the formula for this cinematic tour de force, the result is the same: sheer excellence. Kenny Rogers establishes himself as one of the premier actors of our, or any, lifetime. Like other great pieces of cinema ("Citizen Kane" and DeSica's "Bicycle Thief" spring to mind immediately) "The Gambler" portrays that range of emotions so special to the human experience. A masterpiece.
Mister Rogers' Neighborhood in my opinion has been the best children's TV show on earth! I watch it sometimes on PBS during summer and holidays. My brothers like the show, too. The neighborhood of make-believe is fantastic in this awesome show. Mister Rogers' Neighborhood has been of the best excuses of this children's TV show. Mister Rogers is the adaptation of a play that ran on Broadway from 1948 to 1951 for 1157 performances. It was based on the novel written by Thomas Heggen and was directed by Joshua Logan. It marked a return to the stage for Henry Fonda who for the rest of his life shuttled back and forth between Broadway and Hollywood. Mister Rogers became his career signature part.
According to the book In the Company of Heroes by Harry Carey, Jr., Henry Fonda because this was his signature part, the part that won him a Tony Award on Broadway, he had a certain proprietary interest in seeing a faithful adaptation was done for the screen.
And what a boss they have. The role of the Captain is a very difficult part. Though there are certainly elements of comedy with the captain, James Cagney never allows the captain to become a figure of burlesque. It's a very difficult tightrope to walk, but Mr. Cagney brought over 30 years of professionalism to that part. During the scene of the cabin confrontation with Fonda, Cagney does go into his background, going to sea as a kid, doing a lot of menial jobs and rising through his own efforts in the Merchant Marine. We get to understand Cagney, but we never sympathize with him.
Even though Mister Rogers is a military setting, the themes are universal and that is why I think it got the popular acclaim it did. I think most of us in our lives as workers have occasionally had to work in settings where the boss was a tin pot dictator, using and abusing his position of authority. And maybe we've also had immediate supervisors who did buffer between the employer and the workers. I'm sure that applied to just about anyone who ever had any kind of work history. Mister Rogers is the only film I know that ever made boredom a component of a successful production.
Despite a difficult birthing, Mister Rogers has become an American classic and will be so as long as we have a planet.
**** out of **** stars and 10 out of 10 stars overall.


CRAIG said...
Have you ever heard Steven Spielberg say the word dinosaur? It's hilarious. If there was a picture of him saying it I would post it on Sweetie's Myspace page.


Michael "Kid" Blount said...
I was the one searching for sexy Egyptian women. I was hoping that she will be my girlfriend. Ok. bye


T-_Bone said...
Sweetie - I took my kids to this back in May, and they loved it. Hell, I loved it too. Any opportunity to have my photo take with Goofy is the bees knees.


Metal Mark said...
That looks like a huge board for the game Twister under the place where the Platypus lives.


The Taco Kid said...
I say you keep the Fred Flintstone shirt in the closet.


CRAIG said...
Perhaps everyone had a drinking problem because beer was .85 cents! Hell, I don't drink, but if beer was .85 cents I might take a shot.


Strutter71 said...
I saw Popeye in the theatre when I was a kid and liked it at the time.
Then, I saw it a few years ago on cable and wondered what the hell my younger self was smoking at the time.


Jason said...
Steely Dan, now you're just making things up. Everyone knows there's no such thing as an undersea accountant. Their paper would be soggy and the calculator wouldn't work.


Metal Mark said...
I remember watching Al Snow in Smoky Mountain wrestling around 94-95 and he was hilarious and a sound wrestler as well.


T-_Bone said...
Either they sound like Chuck Norris films or Queensryche records


Evel Knievel Fan said...
You know what would be AWESOME?? If someone in Maryland built this, like, major ramp and Evel Knievel tried to jump over the Mid-Atlantic states and land in Massachusetts. He could, like totally take off in Baltimore and touch down in Boston. Oh man that would be SSSSSSSWWWWWEEEETTTT!!


Justin said...
Why have you blurred the Mice Chat image? Is it accusing William Kennedy Smith of something?


Ben Savage said...
Stop lying, Fred. You and Paul Pfeiffer did that one tme. Remember? You got caught and learned a valuable lesson.


Donald Duck said...
Quackety quack quack.


The Taco Kid said...
As an openly straight guy with a gay guy for an avatar I wish to state that I too found the title hysterical.


A Town Savage said...
I tried gum in the lock trick once. For some reason that street smelled like shoe polish all day.


Anonymous said...
Guy Sweetie...
Is this your little way of addressing the ilegal alien issue? Laughing bout spanish speaking people....how cruel. Next thing your gonna be talking about is singing the national anthem in portugese?


Sweetie fan said...
I love mashed potatoes, but I can't imagine putting any of that stuff in there. Maybe I would have to make it a baked potato party.


CRAIG said...
I'm amazed that no one attempted to eat "The Island" poster. It looks simply delicious!


Daniel Striped Tiger said...
Sorry. I hit my head on the ceiling of my tiny cubicle and forgot who I was.


Jason said...
Cancer? Kevin Costner made a few movies about baseball. I am so glad they don't cause cancer. Bull Durham, For Love of the Game, even Dances With Wolves is kind of about baseball. But not mustaches. It's tough to choose whether I like "with" or "without." Think of how conflicted Burt Reynolds would be. Think about it. Imagine the panic that would grip the nation if we found out that mustaches were infecting the faces of men everywhere. For example: if a hot chick was about to trip and fall I would have a better chance to catch her if I went with the "without" look. They both have their advantages. Costner is the home team, the wild west is Dodger Stadium and that guy who played the painter on "Murphy Brown" is Hee-Seop Choi. I bet he would keep the mustache. Of course, if it was a smelly dude who was covered in marmalade "with" would probably give me better excuse for not helping him. You know, because so many cool things seem to cause cancer. I love mustaches. Or being mustache-less. Hypocrite. I also bet Morgan Spurlock would shave his 'stache. Of course you never want to


There it is. I hope one of your comments made the cut... if not, there is always next year.

I also made sure not to include any context so your comments make no sense. That way I can use this as PROOF when I say that you guys aren't funny without my post to to give it context. Hee hee hee.

In all honesty, however, your comments are a very important part of the humor on bunchojunk.com. When I started, people had to click to a separate page to read the comments. I changed that as soon as I could figure out how.

If my posts are the cake, your comments are the icing.

And our cake is full of bad grammar and typos.

Man, I am soooo hungry right now.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Without bunchojunk.com...

When boj celebrated it's 1 year anniversary I was asked (at the last minute) to write something to fill up the space on the website. Once again I have been asked to provide free labor.

Here it is:

Without bunchojunk.com...

...I would have never pictured Sweetie Big Bumpin' with Brooke Burke.

...I wouldn't know who Robert Guil-LAME is.

...I wouldn't know of Sweetie's hatred of Laura Branigan.

...I would have never heard of a dorfin.

...I wouldn't fear Osteoarthritis.

...I wouldn't daydream about doing cartwheels in outer space.

...I would have more faith in the concept of a practical joke.

...I wouldn't confuse the Mexican section of Epcot with Tony Hawk.

...I wouldn't own Kevin Smith's pants.


and

...I'd never think about the things Iron Sheik's belt has seen.


SWEETIE GUY HUTCHINSON said...
The only reason I asked you to do this was because you told me you never visit my site anymore. I figured that this would FORCE you to read a WHOLE YEAR of posts in less than a week.

The bunchojunk.com THIRD Anniversary Extravaganza

Welcome to the THREE year anniversary of "junk" on the web. I have put together a few special features for you to look at this week. I hope you love it.


YEAR THREE OF BUNCHOJUNK.COM BY THE NUMBERS:
Times the word “the” appeared: 9,744
Times the word “underpants” appeared: 68
Number of jokes about Jeffrey Tambor: 62
Articles in which the phrase “I consider Cajun rice a vacation in a cup” appeared: 2
Number of articles about The Goonies: 2
Number of Back to the Future references: 12
Number of Gary Coleman movies reviewed: 3

READ MORE:

BANE SEARCHES THE WEB FOR BOJ

ONE YEAR OF BOJ COMMENTS PART 2

ONE YEAR OF BOJ COMMENTS PART 2

WITHOUT BUNCHOJUNK...

Make sure to check back tommorow. I will be posting comments all week, and maybe adding a few other features as well.

Thanks again for stopping by for the past year!

Be sure to sign the guest book (post a comment.)