Friday, June 25, 2004

Talk, talk, talk

I hate when people talk during a movie. I'm not just talking about people that whisper to the person next to them, or say 'bless you' to someone that sneezes. I am talking about people talking!

When I saw X-Files there was a woman that HAD to be heard. She was not going to sit by and watch the X-Files. She wanted to be a PART of the X-Files.
Now, she could have went to Hollywood 16 months earlier and auditioned for a part. Or she could have gone to Vancouver 9 months earlier and signed up to be an extra. She could have even broke into the projection booth the night before and edited some footage of her into the film.
But, she didn't do any of these. My guess is that she didn't realize she had to be IN X-Files until after the movie started. So, there was only one thing for her to do. TALK.
At the end of the movie, when they decide to re-open the X-Files (oh yeah, SPOILER ALERT) she shouted:

OH SNAP! X-FILES BACK ON.

That's right! She shouted:

OH SNAP! X-FILES BACK ON.

This was probably the greatest moment of her life. Someday, many years from now, her grandkids will be watching TV, and the X-Files will come on and she will say:

Grandma was in X-Files, kids. Grandma said OH SNAP! X-FILES BACK ON.

Then they will put her in a nice home where she will get the attention she needs from trained professionals.
But, as of now. She is on the loose. I like to think of her sometimes. She is out at another theater, ruining someone's movie.

She is not the only movie ruin-er I have come across. My favorite was 'Nice Shot Guy.' I was watching GO in a half empty theater and someone in the film got shot (oh yeah, SPOILER ALERT) and this guy shouted:

Nice shot.

Nice shot.

I didn't just throw the second nice shot in there for effect, that is what he said. See, 'Nice Shot Guy' shouted "Nice shot" after the person in the film was shot. But, no one in the half empty theater reacted.
'Nice Shot Guy' figured we must not have heard him. After all 'Nice shot' is about the wittiest thing a person could shout at film depicting someone being shot. So assuming he wasn't heard he repeated it LOUDER.

The result was the same, we still ignored him, but I bet at the bar that night he told the story differently.

NICE SHOT GUY: ... So I said 'nice shot' and EVERYBODY laughed.
OTHER GUY: You tell me that stupid story one more time and I will shoot you!
NICE SHOT GUY: Wanna know what my dying words would be? NICE SHOT!


NICE SHOT GUY: NICE SHOT, I SAID!

So, what movie talkers have you experienced?

15 comments:

  1. When I saw Finding Nemo some idiot kept asking his kids "Is Nemo related to Elmo?" It was sooooo annoying!

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  2. when i saw the mummy 2 there was a guy that wouldnt shutup about the rock. he would yell 'lay the smackdown' and 'peoples elbow.' really annoying.

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  3. OH SNAP! X-FILES BACK ON.

    I wish I had heard that one!

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  4. You know what would be AWESOME???????????? To fill an outdoor theater full of these people, then have Evel Knievel jump over the theater. All of them, making comments as he passed overhead. They could shout things like, "Nice Jump"..."Nice Jump", "Oh Snap, Knievel BACK ON!" or "Evel Knievel ROCKS!" (that last one would be me only). Oh man, that would be so SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!

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  5. You know what would be AWESOME????????????????? If we filled an outdoor theater full of these people and had Evel Knievel jump the theater. They could shout things out and talk, while Knievel jumped over head. They scream stuff like, "Oh SNAP Knievel BACK ON!", "Nice Jump, Nice Jump" or "Knievel ain't payin' alot for HIS muffler!" Oh man, that be so swwwwwwweeeeeeeeetttttt!!!

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  6. You know what would be AWESOME????????????????? If we filled an outdoor theater full of these people and had Evel Knievel jump the theater. They could shout things out and talk, while Knievel jumped over head. They scream stuff like, "Oh SNAP Knievel BACK ON!", "Nice Jump, Nice Jump" or "Knievel ain't payin' alot for HIS muffler!" Oh man, that be so swwwwwwweeeeeeeeetttttt!!!

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  7. After all 'Nice shot' is about the wittiest thing a person could shout at film depicting someone being shot.

    I laughed so hard at that!

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  8. When I went to see The Terminal some guy kept talking, but I couldn't hear him over the steady hum of my BEARD. My beard of BEES.

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  9. When I saw Scooby Doo 2, there was a bunch of kids that kept chanting "Scooby Snacks". Very annoying.

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  10. When we went to see "Siege" with a calm Denzel and angry Bruce Willis, any time the film attempted to build dramatic tension by making the audience wonder if something was going to blow up, the man in front of me would say "Boom" even before anything blew up. A quick shot of the bus that was about to explode, he would say "Boom". But It didn't explode. Every time they showed the bus, he would say "Boom" until the bus finally exploded.

    An honorable mention to "Rising Sun". The man in front of me brought his 7-year old kid to the see the film. In the first scene, a character has sex on a desk with his bare-breasted secretary. The screams at his kid, "COVER YOUR EYES!" as they run out of the theater

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