Tuesday, June 08, 2004

He-Man of the people

In the 1980's He-Man was EVERYWHERE, and why not? He-man was an awesome man with a monster physique and a fantastic tan. He was just like Hulk Hogan only with more hair.

I was a fan. I had all tons of figures. I was often disappointed with them, they seemed to have trouble translating the cartoon into action figure form. They made Man-At-Arms without his mustache, they made Orko too tall and they gave Hulk Hogan too much hair and no mustache.

He-man lives on Eternia. All males on Eternia have the exact same body. Really! That made making the figures rather easy for Mattel. All they needed to do was use a different color and a different head.
If you think about it, He-Man appears very muscular to us, but on his planet he was only average size. On Eternia everyone from the commander of the Royal Guard to the local dentist is on steroids. Maybe it is in the water.

He-Man's rival is Skeletor, a man with a muscular body and a skeleton face. I am still perplexed as to how he functions. Without blood flow to the face, how does his head warm in the winter? And how does his brain communicate with his body? Is he slowly deteriorating head first? I don't know.

Orko is the palace magician. He looks like a troll wearing a hat and a nightshirt. Orko's shirt has a big 'O' on it. I always wondered if he and Alvin of the Chipmunks were in a club together with bunch of other guys with letter shirts. Maybe they would go to sporting events and spell out the teams name.

Maybe the letters are used the same as they were in the Scarlet Letter perhaps Alvin committed the sin of adultery and must wear the letter 'A' on it. What did Orko do to get the 'O' on his shirt? Maybe it was "offering a false instrument for filing in the second degree." That Orko, always up to no good!

I started watching old episodes again and I am constantly amused by them. I saw one the other day where the circus comes to Eternia.
Skeletor wants the circus to perform for him. I don't know why, he has his own Beastman, a man with three eyes and a man that eats metal.
Why would Eternia have a circus anyway? Is an elephant really going to seem that unusual on a planet where people can turn into birds?
Either way, Skeletor goes to stop the circus so He-Man challenges him to a performance on the flying trapeze. He-Man wins and Skeletor ends up siting on a firework that propels him through the top of the tent. I swear this all happened. I even had someone check my temperature to verify that it wasn't a fever dream.

It was strange, but still WAY better than Masters Of The Universe: The Motion Picture.


  1. Was this the show with the mommy ghost and the baby ghost and that rock looking guy who was a copy of one of the Fantistic 4?

  2. oh and that triceratops looking thing that shot rocks out of its nose too.

  3. Yup, and that puppet who collected pictures of Steve Martin (from Godzilla AND the Jerk.)

  4. Nah, I hate the new designs. I would take the old ones if they re-released them.