Tuesday, August 23, 2005

A Stupid Lord of the Rings Game

Sure, I know Lord of the Rings isn't topical anymore. After an amazing onslaught over the period of a just a few years the "mania" has died down. Much like other manias that have come before it, it has left some traces behind.

Macarena-mania may have screeched to a halt but I defy anyone to go to listen to watch children's television without hearing at least a few notes of the tune. And yes, Hulk-a-mania is not what it once was but I still see red and yellow bandanas when I look in my sock drawer.

So, although the Lord of the Rings saga has come to a close, there are still some pieces of it that have been left behind.

Such as the Lord of the Rings game on my cell phone.

This isn't something I downloaded; it's on the phone's internet browser. Every time I get movie times I see it. So, after YEARS of skipping over it curiosity got the best of me, and I clicked on it. This is where I found "Ask Gandalf."

At first I laughed hysterically because I thought that Gandalf was the little green guy. Then I remembered that was the Golum. Or maybe that was Shrek. Either way, Gandalf is one of the old guys in the movie.

This really isn't a game. It's sort of like a Magic 8-Ball but less magical and you can't get drunk by breaking it open and drinking that blue colored liquid.

You are supposed to ask a question out loud and then hit a button on the phone for Gandalf's response. I didn't really have any questions for him so instead I just read some question that David Letterman asked George Michael in a 1998 interview. I have provided them below, along with Gandalf's answers and my analysis.

David: Nice to have you on the show. This is your first time on the show, it's not your first time on the show is it?

Gandalf: I am not certain so I will say no more.

ANALYSIS: Gandalf may seem to be playing coy, but the fact is that Letterman's show has been forgettable since the mid 1990s. I think I may have been a musical guest at some point, but I don't really remember. Or care.
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT: If Gandalf HAD been on the show before, what did he do? I am willing to bet that he let Dave try on his funny hat.

David: It was about a year ago you were arrested in CA. Is all that been all straightened out now?

Gandalf: There is a last test to make, but I no longer doubt my guess.

ANALYSIS: Yes, Gandalf must be tested on his ability to be straightened out after being arrested.
GRADE: 4th
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT: They remade the TV series "Flipper" into a movie that starred Paul Hogan. I remember a scene where he had a room full of Spaghettios. I don't remember why.

David: Right. So what exactly happened?

Gandalf: Haven't you been listening to all that I have said?

ANALYSIS: Gandalf is a cranky old bastard.
GRADE: Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT: Why did they make a sequel to The Whole Nine Yards? Who really wanted to see that? Who even saw the first one? Who played Frankie Figs? Was that Ving Rhames or Michael Clarke Duncan? I get them confused.

Well, with Gandalf being so irritable I will just shut off the phone and try to forget that George Michael was ever on Letterman.

Gandalf: You will be a fool if you do.

Me: Don't worry, I am already a fool.


  1. I know, the last one didn't happen. But the rest of it was true. Except for the part about the Hulk Hogan bandanas in my sock drawer.

    I keep em in under my bed.

  2. Sluggo8/25/2005

    Uh, Sweetie, your browser sucks! You need to upgrade!!

  3. Sluggo8/25/2005

    Oh yeah, your photoshop sucks too.

  4. Ha ha! The bad photoshop was intentional. I wanted to make sure no one thought the actual phone shots had been 'shopped.

  5. I loved the last one! Brilliant!

  6. Magic 8 Ball? More like Dial 8 on your cell phone and have a Ball!

    Whoo. I struck out on that one.

  7. Guy Who Won't Stop Talking About Texas Hold Em Poker8/25/2005

    Yeah, that is a stupid game. Speaking of which, I played poker for 75 hour straight. My kids don't speak to me anymore and I think my wife is starting to drink during the day.

    Poker rules!

  8. Never meddle in the affairs of wizards for they are heavy drinkers and quick to anger. Or something like that.