When strolling around Walt Disney World's Epcot Center (I refuse to call it just 'Epcot') I saw a small stand set up right outside the China pavilion. They were selling all kinds of Chinese toys and games for children.
Perched right out in front was THIS guy:
This is one of the coolest looking puppets I have ever seen for sale. His name is Dr. Foo-Ling-U.
Get it? Dr. Foo-Ling-U? Don't get it? Say it out loud. Doctor fooling you! Man, I bet you feel fooled. You have been fooled by Dr. Foo-Ling-U.
What does the good doctor hold his medical degree in? I bet he's a doctor of Racial Stereotypes.
I decided to re-name my puppet. I also plan to go to the craft shop and buy him new clothes. (LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED THE GAYEST SENTENCE EVER!)
I call him Levi Lumbago.
I am relatively good ventriloquist. I can make the mouth move in time with the words I speak and I am pretty good at making the puppet pantomime. Plus I can do funny voices.
I am not that great at the whole "throwing my voice" thing but neither was Jim Henson or Edgar Bergen.
I am now going to perform a routine for you. Sadly you will have to read it and imagine that it looks fantastic. Imagine the sexist male voice you can for me. For the doctor, skip the offensive Asian voice and just imagine a whiny old man.
SWEETIE: Hey how you doing today?
LEVI: You got some nerve asking me how I'm doing. Why, when I was your age... uh...
LEVI: When I was your age... uh... come to think of it, I never was your age.
SWEETIE: How could that be?
LEVI: Rationing. It was during the war, you know. Whoa, what are you doing with your hand!
SWEETIE: Don't look back there.
LEVI: Holy Ida Lupino you stuck your hand up my... uh... good gravy that can't be sanitary. I hope you washed your hands.
SWEETIE: I did.
LEVI: You kids today with your hand washin'! I didn't wash my hands for the first 18 years I was on this planet. You know why?
SWEETIE & LEVI: Rationing!