Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Run DMC's They Call Us Run DMC

Ahh, the Run to the DMC, baby. Perhaps the greatest rap group that ever walked the earth in Adidas low-top Superstars. Let’s take a look at one of their minor hits, They Call Us Run DMC.

Before we look at the lyrics, I think it's a good idea to look at the title:

"They Call Us Run DMC"

Not to be confused with the classic film They Call Me Bruce, this song was released several years later. I bet no one was confused. People were confused by the song You Can Cal Me Al by Paul Simon. What the heck was that about? Why wouldn't we call him Paul? He was stupid.

Here are the lyrics to They Call Us Run DMC:

Now that I waxed the crowd, I'm feeling proud and loud
Shoulda screamed on a sucker, but I stepped and bowed
Now that I'm back to 'tract, I'll attack for fun

Waxed the crowd? Feeling loud? Screamed on a sucker? I'm back to 'tract?
Does it concern anyone else that the only part of this so far that made any sense was "I'll attack for fun?" AND THAT was disturbing.
Darryl Mack and back is never wack or lack they call us

[Jam Master Jay cuts up various samples to form "Run, D.M.C."]

You gotta love Jam Master Jay. I wish you could hear this! He pieces together little bits of audio to make GOLD. He's like your grandma! You know how she saves a little bit of marmalade for two years and then makes a cake out of it. Or maybe that was Paddington Bear's grandma.
I'm strapped with rap when I attack, I'm stunning
Darryl Mack on track and I'm off, and running

I wouldn't run if I were you, Darryl. You are on track AND off. That can be very painful. I hope you remembered to stretch.
Don't sneak this peak, because I keep, on taking
the lead with speed, and records keep, on breaking
I pop and drop, all opp-osition
and pop hip-hop, cause I'm the top, position
I ill and chill, cause my skill, is super
For a mill I thrill, but I'm still, a trooper

"Trooper" is a Canadian rock band founded in 1965 that featuring vocalist Ramon McGuire and guitarist Brian Smith. In 1974 they had added Tommy Stewart (drums) and Harry Kalensky (bass.) The band was signed to Randy Bachman's "Legend" label and in 1975 released a self titled album; "Trooper", containing the hits "Baby Woncha Please Come Home" and "Good 'Ol General Hand Grenade."
I can't find any information as to what capacity Darryl performed with the band (if any.) It is possible he considered himself part of the "Trooper Army", a legion of devoted fans.
I'll slay and stay till there are none
So romance and dance and prance, a to the chants of

[Jam Master Jay cuts up various samples to form "Run, D.M.C."]

Maybe it wasn't Paddington Bear, maybe I am thinking of the Velveteen Rabbit. God, that was sad.
Well I stomp and chomp, all comp-etition
Make break and take you cold on, a mission
Raise hell, excel, and tell you, who's winning

And now, behold as Run does his best Howard Cosell and tells us "who's winning":
I'm boss, you lost, before the game, first inning

Shoot. I'll never make the All Star Game with THIS kind of play! I lost BEFORE the game! Not even the Kansas City Royals can do THAT.
Let's go and flow, to the rhymes, I'm saying
Cause it's fun for Run to see the crowd, obeying
Mic be checking I'm wrecking we're never second to none
So let's snap and clap and tap, to the to the rap of

[Jam Master Jay cuts up various samples to form "Run, D.M.C."]

I'm pretty sure I have this all wrong. Maybe it's Charlotte's Web. Let me check MLB.com.

Nope, I was right the first time, it was the Kansas City Royals, not the Kansas City Charlotte's Webs.

I'm not the king because (cause) I sell the most
I just bring the laws (laws) cause I'm the host
I got a crown I wear (R: So what it mean?) I rule
I come to town they stare (R: Cause D.M.C.) is cool
because, the crowd, is on it
Drop this beat and pause, the tables are turning
Break backs on track and I can even act

He can act, sure, but can he spin a web that says "that's some pig" and then have the whole town so excited about the pig, but too stupid to realize that it was the spider that spun the web, not the pig. What a stupid town. You can call THEM Al.

So max, relax, new jacks, and get the facts from

[Jam Master Jay cuts up various samples to form "Run, D.M.C."]

They call us on the phone
They call us all alone

(Ring ring)
RUN: Hello?
ME: You're all alone.
RUN: I know. (sobs) No one loves me.
They call us where we roam
They call us when we're home

ME: That's not true! I love you.
RUN: Oh wait! My cell is roaming. Could you call me at home?
They call us up to par
They call us in our cars

(Ring ring)
RUN: Hey.
ME: What took you so long to answer.
RUN: I was in the car, Guy.

They call us in the bars
They call us superstars!

RUN: Well, I'm gonna go get drunk. Call me at the bar.
ME: What am I? Your friggin' girlfriend? No way.
RUN: Call me 'a superstar', then.
ME: No.
RUN: Read me The Velveteen Rabbit, then.
ME: No.
RUN: Charlotte's Web?
ME: No.
RUN: The line up for the 1996 Kansas City Royals?
They call us
[Jam Master Jay cuts up various samples to form "Run, D.M.C."]
"Run-D.M.C. and Jam Master Jay..."


Run DMC’s King of Rock
RUN DMC’s Rock Box
RUN DMC’s: Hit It Run
The Fat Boys: If it aint one thing…


  1. I would have posted this yesterday, but I was so proud of the phrase "MORE HIP HOP HILARITY" that I gave myself the rest of the day off.

  2. Anonymous8/23/2005

    Kudos to you, Sweetie on a funny article.
    I loved this and I love Run DMC. Actually, I love all music. I also love the Velvetteen Rabbit and Charlottes Web.

    Also I am HIV positive.

  3. Anonymous8/23/2005

    Oooh, look at me... I am making a web. I am silly web making man. I'm not Spiderman, but I can Toby some serious Maguire if ya know what I mean.

  4. Anonymous8/23/2005

    Love it, but be careful, you knwo how angry the DMC fans get!

  5. Anonymous8/23/2005

    I tried calling Them Al, but he told me to not bother him and never call again.

  6. Bane is referring to my first peice of hate mail! It was after my first Run DMC peice (Hit It Run, I think.)

    It actually was a death threat, too!

    I have recieved about a dozen peices of hate mail since, but thankfully no other death threats.

  7. Anonymous8/25/2005

    Sorry to send you that hate mail.

  8. Anonymous8/25/2005

    Wouldn't I be a more obvious culprit????????????

  9. Anonymous8/25/2005

    Or me?

  10. Anonymous8/25/2005

    Or, more likely me.

  11. Anonymous8/25/2005

    But probably not me.