Monday, August 15, 2005

The Beer Can-dle

One day I was at a grocery store in New Jersey. By the registers there was a table full of "SUMMER FUN" items.

Next to the usual array of sunglasses and sun block there was a bunch of beer cans.

In many states this wouldn't raise an eyebrow, but New Jersey is one of those states where you can't buy booze at the grocery store.

The Encyclopedia Brown in me investigated this possible crime.

When I picked up the beer can I noticed something was wrong:

A GROWN MAN SHOULD NEVER MENTION ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN.

Oh yeah, and the can was WAY too heavy.

It turned out to be a candle, but not just any candle. This is one of those anti-mosquito candles.

This is the perfect anti-mosquito candle! How many times have you been humiliated when someone noticed a REGULAR anti-mosquito candle? Weren't you embarrassed as they mocked it for its neon colors and odd plastic fish net stocking cover? Didn't you feel like a dunce revealing that the air around your house was infested with mosquitoes?

That won't happen anymore. This candle with its fermented malt beverage cloak will confound them all.

Now they will just think you have a drinking problem.

5 comments:

  1. Sadly I ate the candle at a party after the keg went dry.

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  2. Is the beer can-dle a relative of the marguarita candle mentioned in a eBay junk a whille back?

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  3. Bad Poster8/15/2005

    That candle is shaped like a beer. You should mention that.

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  4. Todd the God8/15/2005

    I love the smell of those candles. They make me dizzy.

    This is the word of Todd.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I bet that candle really gives those mosquitoes a buzz.

    ReplyDelete