Friday, March 11, 2005

Doing time on eBay

Yes, eBay is a good place to find ANYTHING. I should know in the past, I found a magazine about a boy and his dead turkey, a skeleton belt buckle, a candle shaped like a margarita and a myraid of Christmas themed pandas.

Today, it's prison that I am interested in. Yes, I want to own a piece of our justice system. I want something that I can look at every day to remind me to walk the straight and narrow. I am sure that can be found on eBay!





Item #1 Joey Goes to Jail (DVD) New Sealed:

This looks promising. Perhaps it's a feature based on the hit NBC show 'Friends'. Maybe one day Joey got tired of waiting for his big break and instead tried to make a stock deal with Martha Stewart. Then, when he couldn't get her on the phone, he just steals a car and rams it into a pet store. That would be a classic.
But, that's not this flick. This one stars Robert Panzarella. I think that was The Fonz's real name on 'Happy Days'. Sadly, this isn't about The Fonz, either.

THE FONZ GOES TO JAIL
JAILER: Hey Fonz, you're gonna be serving time, now.
FONZ: Ayyyyyyyhhhhhh!
JAILER: Don't give me no thumbs up, you bastard. You tortured and killed the Cunningham family! After they were nice enough to let you into their home!
FONZ: Ayyyyyyyhhhhhh!
JAILER: Ritchie’s older brother is coming back from college. I should let him have 20 minutes alone with you. He would bust you up real good.
FONZ: Ayyyyyyyhhhhhh!
(He puts Fonz in a cell with Tyrone)
TYRONE: Well, lookie at the pretty boy.
FONZ: Sit on it.
TYRONE: Oh, I plan to.
FONZ: Ayyyyyyyhhhhhh!

Ah, that would be something.
Here is the description of this film:
"Shot on location in Humble, Texas, this independent comedy displays small-town Texas life at its edgiest when Joey (Derek Sisson) prepares to go to prison for drunkenly robbing a convenience store, spending his last night of freedom carousing and seeking closure all over town with his pal Milo (writer-director Robert Panzarella). Brawling and womanizing and interacting with the down-home eccentrics in this actual Texas town, prison soon doesn't look too bad by comparison--maybe he needs a restful vacation after all. "


I really wish it was the Fonz movie. Or even the 'Friends' movie. I think I’ll pass on this one.





Item #2 IRISH REPUBLICAN JAIL SONGS CD IRA Celtic Sinn Fein:

I actually know one Irish Republican Jail song. I hope it's on this CD:

Well I stumbled and I'm all drunk and full of beer
And I'm wearing me Newt Gingrich shirt an having no fear
so I stumbled down to the bank and called out 'stick er up'
So now I'm in the jail house till me sentence is all up

I spend the time behind bars thinking about Alan Keyes
And Shamrocks and Leprechauns and Irish things like these
I hope that 'Bob Dole will run again' I shout out with pride
Hopefully I'll to vote again when I'm on the outside

It's the Irish Republican Jail song
sing it out with me
I sing it everyday my friend
that is until I free
So even when I'm out of jail
two things will always be
I'll always be Irish and always G.O.P.


I am not sure if this is on the album, but I think I will skip this as well.





Item #3 MARX 1950'S JAIL SIDE WESTERN TOWN BUILDING:

Ah, this is cute! A little toy western jail! That way when I get mad at Strawberry Shortcake for being such a prissy know-it-all at our tea parties. I can lock her up in jail.
That is if I had Strawberry Shortcake... which I don't.




Item #4 LAPD BOOKING DEVICE O.J. SIMPSON TIME COVER MUGSHOT OJ:
This is one of the coolest items I have EVER seen on eBay. It's the LAPD placard that holds the numbers in front of a prisoner in a mug shot.
This is the same one that was used for O.J. Simpson in his famous arrest photo! This has been seen on the cover of many magazines and newspapers.
I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THIS! Too bad my Birthday isn't coming up.
I could sit behind it and have my picture taken. Heck, I could probably stand in front of the Chinese Theater in fabulous Hollywood California and charge tourists $5 to get their picture taken with it!
This would be great. Unfortunately it would take years to recoup the $4999 opening bid.

Perhaps I could steal it. That way if I got caught THEY could take my picture with it (which was my original intention anyway.)

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