a) wise one
b) night warrior
c) Theresa Heinz Kerry
2. The largest pumpkin on record weighed:
a) 150 pounds
b) 1,446 pounds
c) What the hell are you babbling about? What is this, Oprah? Who cares about this nonsense? Go back to writing articles about 80's fads, Dynamite Magazine, and NJ's gay Governor!
3. Black is associated with Halloween, because it is the color of death. Why is orange?
a) It is the color of harvest
b) It is the color of fun
c) It is the color of the Cleveland Browns! Go Dawgs!
4. It is generally believed that Halloween dates back to:
a) 700 B.C
c) Hey! Why is their color orange? Should it be brown? Plus, what kind of nickname is Dawgs? What moron came up with that?
5. Which of these sentences are true:
a) Vampire bats drink blood and are from Transylvania.
b) Vampire bats drink blood and are from Central and South America.
c) Vampire bats drink blood and Dick Cheney is their black hearted ruler.
6. Stingy Jack was an old Irish tale about a man unable to enter heaven. He used a turnip as a lantern, hence the name 'Jack O Lantern.'
b) Jack Frost
c) Wait a minute, that isn't even a question! Also, you never answered me about the Cleveland Browns!
7. In episode 48 of Cheers, "Fairy Tales Can Come True", who fell in love at a Halloween party?
c) Both Cliff and Norm... with each other.
8. Vampires have "Eisoptrophobia." What is that?
a) The fear of mirrors, or seeing oneself in a mirror
b) Fear of daytime
c) Fear of the word "Eisoptro"
9. The first wrapped penny candy in the US was:
a) Tootsie Rolls
b) Bazooka Gum
c) a New York streetwalker named Penny Candy (in 1892 she wrapped herself in old newspaper)
10. Americans spend 2 billion dollars a year on Halloween candy. That is enough money to buy:
a) A laptop computer for every public school child in America
b) 2 billion bottles of expired aspirin at the dollar store
c) Michael Jackson's freedom for the next 30 years
ANSWERS: 1.a, 2.b, 3.a, 3c. False, the Browns suck, 4.a, 5.b, 6. Maybe I should invite Dick Cheney over for the next Browns game, 7. Me and Theresa Hienz Kerry, 8.a, 9.a, 10. All of the above!