Dear bunchojunk: Don't knock the twist

Dear  bunchojunk ,
My husband has begun a strange habit of hitting me in his sleep. He doesn't do it on purpose, and he always feels horrible when I wake him up, what should I do?
-Punched out

Dear Punched,
Put a kangaroo in the bed between you two. Kangaroos hate to be punched, so the kangaroo will DEFINITLY hit back! Then, even his subconscious won't want to hit you
-bunchojunk
P.S. You may want to keep some rubbing alcohol and bandages handy.
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Dear  bunchojunk,
I am having trouble getting my son to clean up his room. He has always been messy, but lately it has gotten out of hand. What should I do?
-Dirty House

Dear Dirty,
Teenagers can be difficult, sometimes. Often, a messy room can be because of a change in schedule has left him without time to clean. Maybe you can help him get on track by sitting down with him and helping him organize his day.
-bunchojunk
P.S. Oh yeah, I forgot I was doing that whole wacky response thing. Let me add this: After he cleans his room make him a sardine and ketchup sandwich, and make a smiley face out of the ketchup. Wocka wocka!

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Dear  bunchojunk,
When do you think it is a good time to have children?
-Childless

Dear Childless,
During the day is a good time. That way, you get to miss work for the whole 'birth thing.' The weekends are okay, but that screws with the whole 'sitting around the house watching televised golf thing.'
So, I recommend you 'hold the child in' until it is convenient for the TV schedule (keep in mind many hospitals do not have cable!)
-bunchojunk
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Dear  bunchojunk ,
My husband keeps throwing things at the kids when they are roughhousing. He has never hit one, but it makes me worry. What should I do?
-Scared Mom

Dear Scared,
Roughhousing? Wow, I have not heard that word since I went to the public pool when I was a kid. "Stop roughhousing" the lifeguard would say. Oh, wait. Maybe he said "no horseplay."
Yeah, I think it was "no horseplay." That lifeguard was grumpy!
-bunchojunk