Friday, October 15, 2004

Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd

In 1986 Oil Can Boyd was one of the top pitchers in baseball. By mid-July he had 11 wins, but was left off the All-Star team.

So, Boyd threw a highly publicized tantrum that got him suspended from the team and landed him in a hospital psychiatric ward.

You may remember Oil Can, he played in the major leagues for 9 years from 1982-1991. To put that in perspective if you had a nickel for every year he played you could call me from a payphone and tell me how stupid that analogy.
Then you could probably explain the word 'analogy' to me and tell me if that ACTUALLY was an analogy.

The nickname 'Oil Can' comes from his Mississippi hometown, where beer is called oil. Odd, isn't it.

If you ever go to Mississippi and ask me for beer-battered chicken fried in oil, I would have no idea what to give you. I would probably shout "hey look! It's Clive Barker," and point behind you. Then when you turned back around I would be gone.

I'm sneaky like that.
Oil Can was one of 14 children of Negro Leaguer Willie James Boyd. Willie James was called 'Willie James' because that is what they called 'non-fat yogurt' in HIS Mississippi hometown.

Throughout his career, Oil Can was plagued by a hot temper and persistent shoulder problems. Boyd was one of the AL's top starting pitchers in 1985. A year later he was SUPPOSED to start the first game of the World Series. The game was postponed because of rain, and another pitcher started the first game. Boyd threw a tantrum an alienated himself from many of the other Red Sox players.

Oil Can was traded to the Montreal Expos in 1991, and in 1992 he played for the Texas Rangers. Too bad he wasn't traded to Walker, Texas Ranger.

WALKER: You just shot an unarmed man.
OIL CAN: Well, he should have armed himself, after not voting me onto the All Star team.
WALKER: Hey, why are we doing dialogue from the movie The Unforgiven?
ME: Sorry, I never saw this show.
OIL CAN: Me neither, except for the episode with Rowdy Roddy Piper.
ME: Oh, yeah! I saw that one. But, I don't remember any dialogue from it.
WALKER(sobbing): I'll be in my trailer.

In 1993 Oil Can resurfaced, when he threatened to sue the Red Sox for not inviting him to spring training.
Two years later, when the 1995 season was about to open with replacement players. Boyd was planning on crossing picket lines to play for the White Sox.

Throughout his colorful career, Boyd always did things his way.

So, the next time you pop open a can of oil, toast it to Dennis Boyd. Then pour it into your car or drink it (depending on whether you are in Mississippi or not.


  1. Robble Robble Robble. I lost 10 grant because I bet the Boyd would start and when that game. My gambling debts were so heavy, I was forced to steal burgers JUST TO FEED MY FAMILY. It was like Les Miserables, only instead of bread, I was stealing Burgers. And Instead of using the burgers to feed my family, I was using the hard frozen patties to beat people to death, steal their wallet, and use their money to buy real food. If had started, I'd be a Millionare, I tells ya! I millionare!! Now my only job is part of Ronald's entourage. Sigh. They told me it would be like this on the outside!!

  2. Gene Hackman is so cool Oil Can Boyd sues him!!

  3. His nickname may have been "Oil Can" for his beer drinking capacity, but I'm calledl "Mr.Freeze" for my ability to drink cans of anti-freeze. Or as we call it where I come from, Mountain Dew.

  4. Last Christmas Eve I was standing on a bridge when an Angel appeared to me and showed me what life would be like if Dennis Boyd started the first game of the 1986 World Series. It was fascinating.

    The Red Sox would have actually WON that series and started a decade-long dynasty, instead of the losers we know today. Dennis Boyd would have had a great career and entered the baseball Hall of Fame.

    The letter "k" would look like this: ^&) On sunny days we would fly ^&)ites.

    The Angel also said this change of events would lead to my 8th grade classmate, Dale Jones from never being born, which seemed odd because he was born 11 years before that World Series games. Also, I would still be on the phone from that time in 8th grade when I called his house because he was never there to pick up.

    He also added that a southerner would be elected President in 1992 and impeached over a sex scandal with an Intern. I told the Angel that DID happen and his response was, "What? Did you think the whole universe revolved around Oil Can Boyd pitching one damn game? Get a grip, loser!!"

    Truly chilling stuff.

  5. Finally Sweetie, a post about my favorite sports team, the Boston Pilgrims. I remember as a young lad, my father would take me to Fenwick Park every summer for a game. Eddie Yost would play catch with his battery mate Bill Russell. Ahhh those were the days, sitting in the open air, sharing a wheel of brie with my dad, while sipping on a 1962 Rothschild Bourdeaux. Does it get any better than that?

    Oh yeah, did I mention that Mary Cheney's a lesbian?

  6. You know what would be AWESOME?? If Evel Knievel jumped over the pitchers mound right before Oil Can Boyd was about to start a World Series game, but Boyd didn't like and started throwing things at Knievel. Both dugouts clear and a brawl ensues. Then Boyd hurts his arm in the brawl and sues Knievel. Oh man that would be SWWWWWEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!!!