The Oldest Theme Park In The World

Mr. Six.

The new spokesman for the Six Flags amusement park chain. He dances like a fool to some techno tune and then people are inspired to go on roller coasters. As commercials go, it is pretty good. Here is a typical 30 second spot.

INT. Operating room- Day
A man is laying on an operating table, unconscious. He is bleeding badly. A DOCTOR is working furiously on reviving him. A NURSE stands by.

NURSE
Doctor! This man has stopped breathing!
DOCTOR
Damn! I can't loose another patient! They may fire me!

Suddenly MR. SIX crashes into the hospital room driving a hearse painted with the Six Flags colors.

TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS

Suddenly the Nurse and the Doctor drop their medical equipment and hop into the hearse. Mr. Six keeps dancing and then the DEAD MAN jumps off the operating table and starts to dance.
Cut to: A roller coaster is racing on it's track. Mr. Six is in the front with the Doctor and the Nurse. In the back is the Dead Man. They are all happy!

NARRATOR
Six Flags. It's playtime.

THE END

Yes, Mr. Six is a star! As a matter of fact, he now ranks as #4 on the Bunch O Junk list of greatest Misters of all time!

The greatest MISTERS of all time
1. Mr. T
2. Mister Rogers
3. Mister Ed
4. Mr. Six
5. Mister Mister

Who is Mr. Six? I don't know. First time I saw a Mr. Six commercial I thought he was Grandpa from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Most likely Mr. Six is a young man dressed as an old man, but even if he is an OLD man he is not as OLD as:

The oldest theme park in the world
Lake Compounce in Bristol Connecticut is the oldest theme park, it has been functioning as a theme park for over 100 years.
Lake Compounce has roller coasters, water rides and much of the standard amusement park fare. They also have Garfield and Odie.

The famous cat and dog are the mascots of the park and perform a "show" daily. I put "show" in quotation marks because it's not REALLY a show. I put "really" in all capital letters to put emphasis on it. In that sentence I put "really" in quotation marks so you would not which word I was talking about. In that sentence I put "really" in quotation marks so you would know which word I was talking about.In that sentence I put "really" in quotation marks so you would know which word I was talking about. In that sentence I put "really" in quotation marks so you would know which word I was talking about. In that sentence I put "really" in quotation marks so you would- OH MY GOD! I am stuck in a paradoxical paragraph! I am going to stop before my fingers fall off.

The show starts with Garfield and Odie entering to the song "You've got a friend in me". Yes, the song from Toy Story.

They oldest theme park in the world is kicking dirt on Disney's shoes and shouting:
COME ON YOU YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPERS! SUE ME, I DARE YOU! AND STAY OUT OF MY YARD YOU YOUNG PUNKS!

Then the human host tells us that Garfield and Odie have lost their luggage and need to have the following items from the audience.

A Towel
A flip flop
sunblock
lip balm
and
lasagna

So people start volunteering their items. Kids bring up sunblock and towels and toss them into Garfield or Odie's basket (depending on what side they sit on).

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE BIG FINALE!
What will they do with all these items? What wacky jokes will they make using these items?

They count them! Wow!

THAT'S IT!

ALL THEY DO IS COUNT THEM!

Odie had more items. Oddly NO ONE BROUGHT LASAGNA! That would have really made the contest interesting. Now they play "You've got a friend in me" AGAIN.

THAT WAS IT. That was the whole show. Now people came up and grabbed their flip flops and towels and chap sticks.

As a side note ALL TUBES OF CHAP STICK LOOK THE SAME. There must have been 20 plain black tubes of chap stick! People just grabbed any chap stick and took it back. Now that should have been the real show, this chap stick Russian roulette. Let's see who gets bacterial meningitis first!

Aside for the Garfield show, there was an amazing Sky Ride. A half hour trip up the side of a mountain on a modified ski lift. The view was AMAZING, but the better view was to look DOWN.
See, unlike many sky rides that elevate you HIGH above the ground, Lake Compounce simply takes you up a HIGH mountain. You are never more that 20 feet off the ground, however.

This makes spotting debris FUN. On the way up the mountain I saw the following:

4 towels
3 different shoes (one high heeled shoe)
1 Time magazine
11 Soda cans (oddly more than half were Mountain Dew)
1 Stuffed rabbit
1 pair of underpants

Yes, the stuff on the hill was EXACTLY what I packed in my suitcase for the trip!

Lake Compounce was, like Mr. Six, OLD yet lots of fun. Next time I am bringing lasagna. We will see who wins that CONTEST!

OTHER THEME PARK JUNK:
Sesame Place and more
Disneyland Arkansas