Junior Jr.

Recently I found out that Marlon Brando's full name was Marlon Brando Jr. Interesting, don't you think? Not an earth shattering revelation or anything, but interesting.

After about 10 minutes of research, I was AWASH in the Jr.'s of Movieland. Clint Eastwood, Will Smith, Robert De Niro, George Lucas, Bill Cosby and George Peppard ARE ALL JR.S!
Add to that list the "out of the closet" Jr.s like Sammy Davis Jr. and Robert Downey Jr. and I have come to one conclusion.

A CAN OF SPAGETTIOS WITH SLICED FRANKS IS BETTER THAN CUTTING UP A HOT DOG AND PUTTING IT IN A REGULAR CAN OF SPAGETTIOS.

Oh wait, two conclusions.

The other conclusion is: The industry is over run with Jr.s!

(By the way, it is at this point that I must admit my ignorance. I have no idea how to properly pluralize Jr. and 'spell check' wont help me. Jr.s is what you will see in this article. If it is wrong, deal with it.)

With this OVERLOAD of Jr.s. I present:

THE BUNCH O JUNK JR. AWARDS

The award for BEST TOKEN UGLY BOY BAND MEMBER goes to:

Joseph Fatone Jr. (Joey Fatone)
Yes, Joey Fatone. Ironically he was slightly overweight and his last name was FAT ONE. Even more ironic, Justin Timberlake, chose the STAGE NAME Justin Timberlake over his given name JUSTIN OVERRATEDONE.

The award for BEST STRAIGHT MAN TO SCREECH goes to:
Mario López Jr. (Mario Lopez)
Yes, Screech rode Mario's coat tails to fame and fortune. If it wasn't Urkel's violent attack (and murder) of Screech in the late 90's, who knows how far Mario and Screech would have gone.

The award for BEST MUSIC TO A SCI FI CLASSIC goes to:
John Williams Jr. (John Williams)
You may recognize the name John Williams. He has scored virtually every film George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have directed. He has scored films so diverse as E. T. The Extra Terrestrial, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and Home Alone. His filmography includes over 200 projects. We, are honoring him for his unforgettable music in one of them. Heartbeeps. No other conductor could have tugged at our emotions as we watched Andy Kaufman's journey as a robot. Sci fi fans everywhere thank you, Mr. Williams.

The award for BEST CHOICE OF A MADE UP FIRST NAME TO DISAVOW YOUR JR.-SHIP goes to:
Judge Reinhold (Edward Ernest Reinhold Jr.)
See, we were doing that whole 'parenthesis around the real name after the well known name' thing for a reason. Who knew his real name was Edward? Who cared?

The award for BEST JR. WHO WE COULDN'T MAKE FUN OF goes to:
Martin Luther King Jr. (Martin Luther King Jr.)
Congratulations.

The award for BEST KOOKY ANCHORMAN STORY goes to:
Dan Rather (Dan Irvin Rather Jr.)
If you do not remember the 'What's the frequency, Kenneth?' incident, click here.Otherwise, here is a quick re-cap. Dan claimed that a man beat him up while screaming "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" Then REM made a song out of it. If only someone would beat down Michael Stipe screaming "What's the deal with your lame esoteric music these days?" Well, now I know what to wish for when I blow out the candles next birthday.

The award for BEST JUNIOR goes to:
TIE
Louis Gossett Jr. (Louis Gossett Jr.)
Caesar Romero (Caesar Romero Jr.)
Louis Gossett Jr. is honored for being brave enough to keep the Jr. intact at the end of his name. He is also commended for resisting public pressure to change his name to LoGoJo during his brief courtship of Jennifer Lopez.
Caesar Romero is honored because he is CAESAR FRICKIN' ROMERO!


The award for WORST JUNIOR goes to:
JUNIOR (Lousy movie Jr.)
Yup, Schwarzenegger tried to be pregnant and Emma Thompson tried to be funny. I don't know which was more impossible.

Well, that wraps it all up.

Now, complain about my choices, please.