Twitter is also what flys do when you pull their legs off.
Twitter allows users to post comments (or "tweets as dorks call them) of 150 charcters or less. This way you can alert people to what you have for lunch, when you bathe, what TV show you are watching and how you just pulled the wings off a fly.
And you can do it in real time.
The only problem with Twitter is finding something to say. Well, being that I DON'T have a Twitter account I have plenty of extra tweets just rattling around in my head.
I will present them here. That way all you have to do is cut and paste them into the Twitter box and everyone will think you are twitactular.
Take a look:
At Friendly's. A lady came by my table holding a salad. She said "which one of you gets this beautiful salad?" We didn't order a salad. I don't know if she even works here.
I just met a girl named Candy. I wanted to take a bite out of her. Not because she was pretty, but because I am a cannibal.
Saw Saw II. Didn't like the end. Too many credits. Dropped cigarette and burned couch. Wasn't even smoking.
Playing D&D with Steve. Steve said "Cleric Magic User" when he meant "Wizard Magic User." He so stupd.
At dentist. Need to have cavity filled. Filled with TACOS! Ha ha. I am hungry. I hope there is a Del Taco in this town.
Fighting with rival store owner. He said "this town isn't big enough for both of us." I suggested we both move to a bigger town.
Just remembered a Cracked magazine parody of wrestling where they called Sgt. Slaughter: Sgt. S. Laughter. That's funny! Words so close. Weird.
Forrest Gump on AMC. I don't think he really did all those things.
Playing Halo 4. I really thought this was a video game version of the Gary Coleman TV film Kid with the Broken Halo. It's not. Well, wait till I finish to be sure.
At DMV lady is trying to take my picture. She keeps saying "stop typing on your phone" or something. She stupid.
Still at DVM. Sgt. S. Laughter. That still cracks me up.
Cop just sped past. I wonder if the phrase "cop a feel" came from being frisked. Or maybe his first name was Al. Cop A. Feel. And he was a pervert.
CNN said inventor of VCR just died. I hope they rewind him before they put him in the box. Sorry. too soon.
Watching UFC 98. Much better than 4, 88, 32, 8, 71 and 6. Reminds me of UFC 22 or 58. I haven't watched 83 or 22 yet. 17, 67, 2. 9.
Steve is in wing eating contest. Watching. Hope he wins. Bet he will look like he has a baby bump after.
I used my new Asics when I ran today. NOT COMFORTABLE. Must make sure they were on the right feet. Yep they were on the right feet. Mine.
Watching some movie where Hulk Hogan babysits kids in a balerina outfit. Not sure the name. Possibly Easy Rider.
Can't belive there are candy called Goobers. Maybe they taste like a loogie.
Enjoy. If you use any of them, let me know!ReplyDelete