Thursday, June 30, 2005

Smokey's Friends

Yes, little Timmy, you can't be friends with Smokey the Bear. Smokey the Bear will NOT be friends with anyone who plays with matches or your giant lighter that's the size of your foot.
Deal with it.
Get ready for a life spent hanging out with the wrong crowd. Drunks, prostitutes and gamblers will be the only pals you will have, Timmy. All because of the matches and lighters - AND the disfigurement to your thumb and finger.

Who can blame Smokey the Bear? Who would want to be seen with a guy with gross hands?

On the bright side, Smokey ROBINSON is willing to hang out with people who play with BOTH matches and lighters.

He just isn't willing to hang out with YOU.

The Coloring Book Main Page

The WWF Ice Cream Bar

Ice cream trucks are an interesting thing. As a mode of transportation they are, at the very least, unusual but on a hot summer day they are the greatest vehicle ever made. Any kid who has just finished a sweaty game of kickball complete with "do overs" is bound to jump at the chance to get their hands on a desert on a stick.

The ice cream truck was usually a disappointment in my neighborhood. Not enough kids and those that did live there seemed to spend way too much time inside playing Dungeons and Dragons. My house was just around the corner from a busy county road so I never got the advance warning most neighborhoods got. We would hear the truck play its calliope music about 10 seconds before it made the turn (or skipped us completely.)

Then I would run inside to a mother who just took to long getting the change out of her purse. Dejected, I would walk out to the front yard with a freezer pop to try to enjoy it with the other kids as they ate their designer ice cream bars (all except for the weird Chinese kid who always bought soda from the ice cream man because it was forbidden in his house. He's gay now.)

This process seemed to be repeated 3 or 4 times a summer until the year the deli opened.

God bless the deli.

Soon, my chums and I had a new ritual: riding our bikes to the deli.

The ride to the deli was an easy trip through a nearby neighborhood. We just had to remember two turns so we COULD do it on our own. We just rarely did.

The reason was because of the Chinese kid. He once made a trip on his own and couldn't find his way back. I assume he was soda drunk. He ended up coming home in tears. So the edict was that we had to ALWAYS had to travel in packs.

The deli was like a mini-Disneyland for us. For the small sum of our lawn mowing cash we could choose from a handful of delightful items: Slim Jims, larger Slim Jim knock offs that were pretty gross, Mad magazine, little bags of dinosaurs or army soldiers and ICE CREAM.

Because the way TO the deli was uphill, ice cream was the most popular choice to cool off after the short ride.

It was at the deli that I discovered the greatest ice cream ever.

The WWF Ice Cream Bar.

I was a big fan of wrestling, so the WWF bar was a good choice for that reason alone. Still, my repeat purchase came only because the ice cream was absolutely INCREDIBLE.

The ice cream bars were, as all good ice cream, on a stick. The ice cream was a super sweet extra sugary vanilla. This was dipped in chocolate and topped with a cookie featuring a photo of one of the WWF superstars of the day.

This was where the ice cream bar sometimes failed. After all, if you were a big fan of Hulk Hogan could you really be comfortable holding merchandise featuring his arch nemesis Andre the Giant? Or if you liked Hacksaw Jim Duggan, would it be O.K. to bite his head off? Plus, who wants to eat ANYTHING that looks like Hacksaw Jim Duggan?

All these problems took a backseat to pure ice cream goodness.

Inside the package each bar contained a special trading card. Sure, it was just a flap of the box that they typed "trading card" on it, but that didn't stop us from collecting them. Or swapping our prized baseball cards just to get more.

If you are wondering, the ice cream bars still exist, now under the "WWE" banner. Still, they seemed to taste better before when they featured The Honky Tonk Man. I don't know why.

The Real Gilligan's Island Season 2

SPOILER ALERT: I will reveal the ending of the reality show 'The Real Gilligan's Island' in this article.
SPOILER ALERT #2: I will also reveal the real name of the actor who played Ralph Malph on Happy Days.

I thought since I did a recap of the first season of The Real Gilligan's Island it would be a good idea to do the same for this season.

First off, this season was superior to season one in every way. Really!

The setup was the same as last season. Two teams of seven were "stranded" on an island. Each team had a "Gilligan", a "Professor" etc. They would each be eliminated in a series of competitions, and then keep competing until there is only one castaway left.

The winner gets $250,000. Last season it was money and a Ford Mustang. This season it was just money. By the fifth season it will just be a pat on the back and parking validation.

Let's take a look at the competitions:

Crazy Skipper vs. Boring Skipper: In a match that involved scooping buckets of water out of a boat, craziness prevailed.

Love Professor vs. In Love Professor: The Love Professor is a radio love expert. The other Professor just kept making out with Mary Ann. The Love Professor beat The In Love Professor by hitting a toy submarine with a coconut.

Mean Mary Ann vs. Mary Ann With a Mole on Her Forehead: I wouldn't mention the mole except they mentioned it on the show a few times and now it's all I can think of. The other Mary Ann just moped and complained a lot. She is mean. I know this is true because I saw it on a reality TV show. Mean Mary Ann won a laundry competition to eliminate the other Mary Ann.

Silly Name Mr. Millionaire vs. Robbing the Cradle Mr. Millionaire: This was the best change the series made. Last season the Millionaires competed as a couple. This year they had to compete separately.
One Millionaire was named Mr. Bounce. They kept calling him Millionaire Bounce. This made me laugh because it sounds like a new P. Diddy dance craze.
The other one kept insisting he was robbing the cradle.
Unfortunately they did not compete in a cradle robbing competition. In the end Silly Name Mr. Millionaire won a golf competition.

Cradle Robbed Miss Millionaire vs. Mrs. Millionaire
Even though the theme song said "and their wives" only one set of millionaires was married. The other was engaged (but not engaging, oddly.) The wives went head to head in a gross food competition. The one who had been robbed from a cradle won. Her fiancée didn't. This broke up the Millionaire couple.

Angie Everheart vs. Erika Eleniak: Angie cut her hand and had to drop out early on in the show.

Blonde Gilligan vs. Diabetic Gilligan: Blonde Gilligan was INSANE. Still he lost in fishing competition. The other Gilligan was a sneaky bastard. I shall model my life after him.

When show came down to the remaining seven castaways each had a vote. Unlike last season there was one of EACH Millionaire couple. You may remember that last years Millionaire couple used their TWO votes to eliminate all the strong competition and win the show. It made for very dull and anti-climatic TV. This year every vote was a little surprising.

After a few nights of voting the final three castaways were:
Diabetic Gilligan
Skipper "Crazy Charlie"
and Erika Eleniak

The final competition was to find a shovel, dig up a box and build a fire (believe me it was much more exciting than it sounds.)

I was on the edge of my seat and cheering as Skipper Crazy Charlie got rescued. It was one of the greatest reality TV shows I have ever seen.

But, then again, I hate reality TV.

Oh yeah, Donny Most played Ralph Malph. I almost forgot about him (just like all of America.)

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Frederic March-April 21, 1937

A distinguished actor, March started in the silent film days and kept working until the 1970s. His last film was a large supporting role in the 1973 Lee Marvin/Jeff Bridges picture The Iceman Cometh.

March also starred in the 1934 film Death Takes a Holiday (later remade as Meet Joe Black) as Death.

I liked reading about Frederic March. He was interesting, but not outlandish. From now on if the month of March is "interesting, but not outlandish" I shall call it a "Frederic March". I shall also use "quotation marks" as much as "possible" whether the sentence "warrants" it or "not".

Wash hands well

Ahh, this brings me back to my childhood. Back then I only washed my hands once a day compared to the 50 plus times I was them now (usually while screaming "I am so dirty! Why can't I get clean? Why must I keep stealing from Old Man Foster's place?" Yes, Old Man Foster, I live inside an Alvin & The Chipmunks cartoon.

All OCDs aside, this is an interesting piece to color. The girl in the photo must be an athlete because she is using a running hurdle as a towel rack.

Take note of the curtain in the background. I am not sure it's a shower curtain. Judging by the size and dimensions, she may be at the Las Vegas Hilton getting ready to open for Barry Manilow.
(PLEASE NOTE: if this is supposed to be He-Man's home planet of Eternia it could be a boy. All men on that planet seem to have this particular hairdo.)

The Coloring Book Main Page

Coloring Book: Zoboomafoo

This page is from the PBS series "Zoboomafoo".
We can connect the letters to see who came to visit Zoboo at Animal Junction. Obviously, it's an Elephant.

However, if you use the GREEK alphabet (and skip half of the vowels and use each consanant three times) you get a crude picture of Garfield shooting himself in the face:

Jane Withers-November 6, 1939

As one of the most popular child actress of the 1930s Jane was asked to put her mark at the theater in 1939.
Jane is still active in show business today. She does a couple of voices for Disney (including Clarabelle Cow and one of the Hunchback of Notre Dame's gargoyles.)

Her work in Hunchback II got her a DVD Premiere Award for best song. Sadly she has to share the award with Jason Alexander and that stiff news anchor from "Murphy Brown" plus it sounds like an award show they just made up over a weekend.

Still, it's nice that she is still working.

Some of her more famous films were: Bright Eyes with Shirley Temple, Giant with James Dean and Captain Newman M.D. with Tony Curtis and Bobby Darin.

In the cement she wrote "Mr. Grauman, A hello to you from Jane Withers" she also drew a cartoon of a little girl and then wrote "me" next to it.

Jane's spot is located to the right of the theater entrance directly behind Shirley Temple. Yup, when the light hits the pavement JUST right, Jane gets to have Shirley Temple in HER shadow.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Coloring Book: Bowling Nightmare

I found this page in a coloring book simply called "Jumbo Coloring Book". This impressive 500 plus page tome had few words and no underlying theme. It was as if you took a bunch of other coloring books ripped out the pages, threw them in the air, reassembled them and then faxed them to Oliver Stone.
Then, after Oliver got the fax, he called you and explained the drawings to the guy who draws Ziggy who then drew new cartoons from his description and then...

I think I lost my train of thought.

Oh well. I like this coloring book page because of its hard hitting social message. I see the ball like President Cleveland and the pins are either the congressional house reacting to his push for higher tariffs or a bunch of Miller Light long neck bottles.

X-Ray in progress

I love this one. The woman looks so happy to have her giant dinosaur-like fibula looked at on a TV monitor that looks more like a toaster oven than anything else.

Man I could go for a slice of Elios Pepperoni Pizza right now. I wish I had that toaster.

I also like how the technician seems to be pointing at the patient and laughing. Also it looks like she is chewing a wad of Redman chewing tobacco, just like all technicians should.

Plus, her keyboard looks like the roof of every other house west of Arizona.

Hollywood Knights

Have you ever thought to yourself "Hey! I wonder what it would look like if Tony Danza and Michelle Pfeiffer were making out outside a greasy spoon in L.A.?" I bet you have, and truthfully, who hasn't?

It's one of the many fun moments that you can enjoy if you check out the 1980s flick Hollywood Knights.

First, I have a confession. I never saw this film.

I know, it's customary to SEE a movie before a review but I didn't do that.

I noticed the film was listed as a free film on my cable "On Demand" program. Curious to see what footage they showed in Hollywood I turned the program on and hit "fast forward".

I'm glad I did.

Still, I think I got the general idea.

This film is one of those great "before they were famous" films. In it you get to see such actors as Danza, Robert Wuhl, Stuart Pankin and Fran Drescher when they were young and unknown BEFORE they became old and mediocre.

Also, somehow Michelle Pfeiffer was mixed up in this whole thing.

The film opens with Fran Drescher and some of her friends sunbathing. Drescher seems to be the only one career savvy enough to keep her top on. Robert Wuhl seems to be playing either a pervert or a private eye in this film and so he watches them sunbathe. He also hides in closets and bathrooms with a microphone throughout the film.

You probably recognize Wuhl's name, but if not you may know him as "that annoying guy" in movies like Batman.

Soon Wuhl is caught, but the hijinks don't end there. I learned the benefits of hiding in trees. Apparently if you hide in a tree for a few minutes a group of cheerleaders will park under the tree and get changed. That happens a lot in Hollywood Knights. I am not sure, but I think the TV Guide description was "goofballs hide, stupid pretty girls change clothes."

Still, there is more to a good film than a bunch of naked people. And this film has it:

T.K. Carter.

Ah yeah. I'm not sure what he was doing in the film. There seemed to be a radio station and a car race involved in the plot and I think he had something to do with one of them. Sure he may have been a DJ or race car driver but to me, he will always be Punky Brewster's teacher.

I can remember that show like it was yesterday.

PUNKY: Do I have to take a test today?
T.K. CARTER: Yes, if you want to pass my class you do.
PUNKY: Come on! Look at how messed up my life is! I have no mother and a weird old man as an adopted father. He has to be at least 90! He'll be DEAD before I graduate. What difference will it make then? Plus do you think he would even notice if I get a zero? Look at the way he lets me dress for school!
T.K. CARTER: Good point.

Ah yeah.

If THAT wasn't enough, there was a small part played by one of the Russian guys who was trying to kill Gilligan in Rescue from Gilligan's Island.

Conclusion: I highly recommend that EVERYONE fast forward through Hollywood Knights.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Marilyn Monroe-June 26, 1952

Marilyn Monroe is probably the first thing one thinks of when they hear the words "Hollywood Legend". Unless you are a mapmaker, then you probably think of the "cartography legend" at the bottom of a map of the city of Hollywood.

Marilyn was awarded the opportunity to put her handprints in the cement on June 26, 1952. The cement for her square is tinted yellow and is part of a double square (with Jane Russell.)

The duo was there to promote the film Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and the gentlemen still do. Marilyn's square is one of the most popular squares at the theater, possibly the most popular.

Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe were both sex symbols of the day. During the ceremony Marilyn joked that since Jane was popular for her boobs and Marilyn for her derriere, Jane should lean into the cement and Marilyn should sit in it.

Marilyn starred in such popular films as Some Like it Hot and The Misfits. My personal favorite is a film called Don't Bother to Knock where she plays a deranged babysitter who tries to push a kid out the window so she can go on a date.

The square has her signature, part of the title Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (hers says "efer Blondes") the date and her hands and feet. Her feet (in high heels) are absolutely TINY! Above the eye in her name she inserted a diamond, which was soon pried out and stolen. Today a piece of glass rests in its place.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

My Interview with Herbie the Love Bug

Wow, this was exciting. Sure, I have bantered with famous people in the past, but never a star of this caliber.

Herbie the Love Bug. I was about to do a one hour interview with Herbie the Love Bug.

I was so excited I had to stop for popsicles.

So, after a brief stop at the 7-11 I arrived at Herbie's palatial estate. As I gathered my paperwork I inadvertently stuck my Raspberry Rocketpop under my arm. I was so embarrassed I rushed home to change.

When I got home I found a package at my door. Yup, you guessed it, it was intended for my next door neighbor but accidentally left on my doorstop (how DID you guess that????)

Quickly I scooped up the box and took it inside. I never knew my neighbor was such a big George Clooney fan! The box contained a DVD of Batman and Robin, The Peacemaker and Hanging with Georgie (an unauthorized look at the career of George Clooney), plus a publicity photo of him as the handyman on "The Facts of Life."

What luck!

Since I am a HUGE Rosemary Clooney fan I pulled her Come On-A My House box set out of my closet, taped the handyman photo on the door put on the DVDs and invited some friends over for Clooney-Fest 2005.

"What about Herbie?" My friend Jeff asked.

"Silly Jeff" I responded "Herbie is a '63 VW Bug, he'd never fit through the door."

We partied the night away until I mentioned how I got the DVDs.

"Sweetie!" one of them shouted "Stealing mail is a federal offense!"

I quickly threw all the stuff back in the box, taped it shut tossed it onto my neighbor's porch and hid in the closet for three days.

After my self imposed exile I cleaned myself up and headed back to Herbie's. He had agreed to a new interview. This time he had only ten minutes so I ditched my regular questions and instead asked the ten questions that James Lipton asks at the end of "Inside the Actor's Studio."

SWEETIE: Hello Herbie.

Herbie: Hi there.

SWEETIE: I would like to ask you the 10 questions prepared by my mentor James Lipton who stole them from Bernard Pivot of the French series, "Bouillon de Culture." Is that okay?

HERBIE: Am I being punked?


HERBIE (honking his horn and spinning in a circle): Alright Ashton, come on out.

SWEETIE: I assure you, there will be no punking.

HERBIE: Sure. I'll play along with the gag. Ask away.

SWEETIE: First question is "What is your favorite word?"

HERBIE: Vin Diesel.

SWEETIE: That's not a word.

HERBIE: Sure it is.

SWEETIE: No, that's a proper noun. Two of them.

HERBIE: What are you? The Mad Libs Rulebook? I like Diesel because it's such an exotic fuel and VIN stands for "vehicle identification number." Mine is 0128712.

SWEETIE: It's also the name of the actor from "The Pacifier."

HERBIE: What is?

SWEETIE: Vin Diesel. He's an actor.

HERBIE: I'm not familiar with him. Are you punking me?

SWEETIE: No. The next question is "What is your least favorite word?"

HERBIE: I'll have to choose Vin Diesel, the actor.

SWEETIE: I thought you never heard of him.

HERBIE: Whatever. Next question.

SWEETIE: "What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?"

HERBIE: Vin Diesel! Hah! Who's punking who now!

SWEETIE: Uh, yeah. Let's move on "What turns you off?"

HERBIE: Ignition key turned to the right. Hurry up; we don't have much time left!

SWEETIE: "What is your favorite curse word?"

HERBIE: I don't use them.

SWEETIE: "What sound or noise do you love?"

HERBIE: The sound of a puppy hitting the pavement from three stories up.

SWEETIE: Eww. "What sound or noise do you hate?"

HERBIE: Dan Fogelberg.

SWEETIE: "What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?"

HERBIE: I want to be the host of "America's Funniest Videos" or at least I want to be on the show, preferably hitting someone in the crotch.

SWEETIE: "What profession would you not like to do?"

HERBIE: Dan Fogelberg.

SWEETIE: "If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?"

HERBIE: I'd like him to say "I forgive you for the puppy comment." But wouldn't God be inside?


HERBIE: You said it like God is working the door at a nightclub. Shouldn't he be inside somewhere?

SWEETIE: I guess. Thanks for your time.

HERBIE: That's it!! (he starts spinning around) You're slipping Ashton! Your pranks used to be so much better!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The Walk of Fame: Vol. C, Part 2

Nancy Carroll MP

Nancy appeared in over 40 films starting with the 1918 film Riders of the Purple Sage. Among her other credits was Woman Accused where she starred opposite Cary Grant and the 1929 film Sweetie which sadly was not about me.

Jack Carson Radio
Jack Carson TV

Host of the 1954 TV series "The Jack Carson Show", Jack was primarily a comic actor but also was gifted at drama. One of his last films was Cat on a Hot Tin Roof in which he appeared with Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor.

Jeannie Carson TV

Jeannie rocketed to fame in the 1956 comedy series "Hey Jeannie!" Born in England, Jeannie's birth name was "Jean Shufflebottom" which, while not the best name for an actress, was a great name for a blackjack dealer or someone with an itchy butt.

Johnny Carson TV

Host of TVs "The Tonight Show", one of the most famous men in TV history.

Benny Carter Rec

Saxophonist and songwriter of such songs as "Because of You" and "Hot Toddy".

Enrico Caruso Rec

Considered to be the greatest opera singer of all time. Enrico was born in Italy in 1873 and was a worldwide star by the time of his death in 1921.

Robert Casadesus Rec

French concert pianist who became director of the American Conservatory at Fontainebleau in 1945.

Johnny Cash Rec

Known as "The Man in Black", Johnny Cash sung such hits as "Ring of Fire".

Syd Cassyd TV

Founder of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences in 1946.

Peggy Castle TV

Star of the TV series "Lawman", Peggy worked in the film industry as well. Most of her films and TV appearances were in the Western genre.

Gil Cates MP

Producer of several Academy Award ceremonies (including 2005), Gil is also an accomplished director of one of my favorite films Oh God: Book II.

Walter Catlett MP

Star of over 100 films from 1924-1957 including starring alongside James Cagney in Yankee Doodle Dandy.

Joan Caulfied TV

A beautiful actress who played Sarah McCoy in the 1975 series The Hatfields and the McCoys.

Carmen Cavallaro Rec

Popular pianist in 1940s radio. Started out as part of Rudy Vallee's orchestra.

Bennett Cerf TV

Humorist and publisher, one of the founding editors of Random House Inc. Bennett is perhaps best known for his work on the TV series "What's My Line".

Feodor Chaliapin Rec

Born in Russia in 1873m Fedor was considered to be the first opera singer to act as he sung.

John Chambers MP

Perhaps Hollywood's most sought-after makeup designer. Won the 1968 Academy Award for his for his work in Planet of the Apes. Get yer stinking paws off me you damn dirty person with exquisite makeup by John Chambers.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Unknown on the Walk of Fame: Vol. B, Part 9

The Hollywood Walk of Fame is a series of bronze plaques imbedded in pink and black squares that run across Hollywood Blvd. (from Gower Street to La Brea Avenue) and on Vine Street (from Yucca Street to Sunset Boulevard.)
The stars on the Walk honor not just movie stars, but radio, TV, & theater performers, directors, singers, magicians, and just about anyone remotely connected to Hollywood.
The stars are given in five categories: Motion Pictures, Television, Recording (singers, songwriters, etc.), Radio and Live Theater
The Walk started in 1960, and since then, over 2,000 stars have been added. Contrary to popular assumption, not all the stars are those of superstars. Many of them are of people that you have never heard of.
In this ongoing series we look at EACH and EVERY person who received this honor. You have probably heard of 2 or 3 of the people listed below. Others will sound vaguely familiar. Many will be completely unknown to everyone born after 1930. Hopefully, after today you will remember them forever.

Vanessa Brown MP
Vanessa Brown TV

TV star of the sitcom "My Favorite Husband", Vanessa also appeared in the 1950 film Tarzan and the Slave Girl as well as the Broadway version of the film The Seven Year Itch (in the Marilyn Monroe part.)

Tod Browning MP

Director of over 60 films, most notably the famed 1931 version of Dracula.

Dave Brubeck Rec

Jazz pianist best known for the song "Take Five." Brubeck is a member of the Big Band and Jazz Hall of Fame.
One of his songs was featured in the 2002 TV program "Diet Coke with Lemon Celebrates 40 Years of Laughter: At the Improv." I never saw this, but I bet it was funny. No one knows comedy like Diet Coke with Lemon. He has a great sense of humor.

Yul Brynner MP

Bald actor who was best known for playing the title role in The King and I. By title role I mean he played "The King" not "I." That would be pretty funny if he played "I." Diet Coke with Lemon would get a real kick out of that.

Sandra Bullock MP

Popular star of Speed and Miss Congeniality.

Bugs Bunny MP

Cartoon rabbit that made his first screen appearance in 1938 in the cartoon "Porky's Hare Hunt."

John Bunny MP
Bug's less talented brother, John named his son Jermajesty.
No, that's not true. John was one of the most popular silent film actors. He was the first American film comedian and the first person to play Santa Claus on film. He performed in over 200 films before his death in 1915. Very few of his films survive.

Billie Burke MP

Billie played Glenda the good witch in the 1939 Wizard of Oz. She appeared in over 80 other pictures.

Sonny Burke Rec

Big band leader from the 1930s to the 1950s. Worked with many popular musicians including Frank Sinatra.

Carol Burnett TV

Star of TVs "Carol Burnett & Company", Carol's first job was at the Warner Pacific Theater on Hollywood Blvd. Her star is located right in front of the theater (at her request.)

Smiley Burnette MP

Appeared in many westerns including Last of the Pony Riders in 1953. That film starred Gene Autry. Like most actors in the film, Smiley was billed BELOW Gene's horse.

Bob Burns MP
Bob Burns Radio

Star of over 200 films and radio programs between 1911 and 1955. Bob often played cowboy roles.

George Burns LT
George Burns MP
George Burns TV

Legendary comic, star of the "Burns and Allen" TV show and Oh God! film series.

Raymond Burr TV

Star of the Perry Mason TV series.

Bill Burrud TV

Bill had a very interesting career, starting as a child actor in the 1930s. In the sixties he returned to show business as the host of many nature documentaries.

Levar Burton TV

Multi-talented actor best known for his work in the TV series "Star Trek: The Next Generation."

Mae Busch MP

Film star from 1912 to the 1940s. She is best known for her work in several Laurel and Hardy comedies. (In case you have never heard of them, Laurel and Hardy were a famous comedy duo, just like Diet Coke and Lemon.

Francis X. Bushman MP

Star of many films including the 1954 Billy Wilder comedy Sabrina (later remade starring Harrison Ford.) Bushman grew up in a house on Hollywood Blvd. where Grauman's Chinese Theater stands today. There is a special plaque in the forecourt there to honor him.

David Butler MP

Director of many films including the Bob Hope comedy Road to Morocco.

Charles Butterworth MP

Noted stage actor who appeared in many popular films including Every Day's a Holiday with Mae West.

Red Buttons TV

Stand up comic and TV performer. Red appeared in the Evel Knievel film Viva Knievel!. You know would have been awesome? If Evel Knieval was on his motorcycle, and it was one of those bikes with a little sidecar. Then Red Buttons was riding in the sidecar and they jumped over a Diet Coke with Lemon. Then after landing Howard Cosell could ask Evel "How is Red Buttons?" Evel could then look at his coat and say, "Are you color blind? The buttons on my coat are blue!" Then he would realize Cosell meant the ACTOR and they would all laugh and laugh. That would be SWEET!

Pat Buttram TV

Western star that made one of his last appearances in the film Back to the Future III (the one in the old west.)
I have a lot of respect for Pat's accomplishments so I won't be making any jokes about his last name.

Spring Byington MP
Spring Byington TV

A talented actress, Spring appeared in many films starting with 1933's Little Women.

And that does it for the "B"s. Coming soon, the "C"s.

Good night, Diet Coke with Lemon, wherever you are.

Unknown on the Walk of Fame: Vol. C, Part 1

The Hollywood Walk of Fame is a series of bronze plaques imbedded in pink and black squares that run across Hollywood Blvd. (from Gower Street to La Brea Avenue) and on Vine Street (from Yucca Street to Sunset Boulevard.)
The stars on the Walk honor not just movie stars, but radio, TV, & theater performers, directors, singers, magicians, and just about anyone remotely connected to Hollywood.
The stars are given in five categories: Motion Pictures, Television, Recording (singers, songwriters, etc.), Radio and Live Theater
The Walk started in 1960, and since then, over 2,000 stars have been added. Contrary to popular assumption, not all the stars are those of superstars. Many of them are of people that you have never heard of.
In this ongoing series we look at EACH and EVERY person who received this honor. You have probably heard of 2 or 3 of the people listed below. Others will sound vaguely familiar. Many will be completely unknown to everyone born after 1930. Hopefully, after today you will remember them forever.

James Caan MP

Actor in many films, one of his best roles was as Sonny Corleone in The Godfather (never follow him to a toll booth!)

Israel Lopez Cachao Rec

Israel Lopez (also known by the nickname Cachao) is considered to be one of the best bass players of all time. Cachao is a Cuban born salsa musician.

Sid Caesar TV

Legendary comic who starred in such films as It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. His star is in the category of TV because of his long running shows "The Sid Caesar Show" and "Your Show of Shows."

Nicholas Cage MP

Star of Con Air, Nic won an Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas.

James Cagney MP

Actor in such films as The Public Enemy (sadly he did NOT play Flavor Flav.) He also starred in Mister Roberts and Yankee Doodle Dandy. He is considered one of the greatest movie stars of all time.

Sammy Cahn Rec

Multi-Academy award winning lyricist of such songs as "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!", "The Wind! The Wind!", "You Can Fly! You Can Fly! You Can Fly!" and "Come Fly With Me" (which I bet he called "Come Fly With Me, Come Fly With Me, Come Fly With Me, Come Fly With Me"

Alice Calhoun MP

A silent film star born in 1900, Alice appear in over 40 films. Sadly much of her work has been lost.

Rory Calhoun MP
Rory Calhoun TV

Actor with a very long career. Appeared oppiste Marilyn Monroe in River of No Return and How to Marry a Millionare. At the end of his career he appeared in Hell Comes to Frogtown with Rowdy Roddy Piper.

Maria Callas Rec

Legedary opera star, Maria was set to marry Aristotle Onassis before he married Jackie Kennedy.

Rod Cameron TV

Star of such TV series as "City Detective," Rod made headlines when he divorced his wife and married his mother in law. I have no joke about that. In fact I may be too stunned to go on. I shall think of good things for a moment. Butterflies, candy canes and Wrestlemania 2. There, I feel much better now.

Glenn Campbell Rec

Glenn is a pop/country singer, best known for hits like “Rhinestone Cowboy."

Stephen J. Cannell TV

TV producer of such great action shows such as "The A-Team." Allow me to take a moment to thank Mr. Cannell for putting Mr. T on my TV set on a weekly basis in the 1980s.

Dyan Cannon MP

An accomplished actress, Dylan has appeared in films as diverse as Caddyshack II, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag and Kangaroo Jack. Actually, they really aren't that diverse.

Judy Canova MP
Judy Canova Radio

Star of her own radio show and the TV series "Lil Abner," Judy was also an accomplished film actress in such pictures as The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

Cantinflas MP

Spanish languge actor in many Mexican films between 1937 and the late 1980s. His comedy style was to speak a lot of nonsensical chatter causing the spanish word "Cantinflear" to be coined (it means to say alot of nothing.) His most popular American film was the 1956 feature Around the World in Eighty Days.

Eddie Cantor MP
Eddie Cantor Radio
Eddie Cantor TV

Sucessful enough to be awarded THREE stars on the Walk of Fame, Eddie was a comedian who started his career in 1909 in vaudeville. Eddie acted in 16 films including 1944's Show Business.

Yakima Canutt MP

Here is an interesting star. Yakima was one of the greatest stunt men in film history. He doubled for stars such as Clark Gable and John Wayne. He appeared in over 100 films and was pretty well known due to appearences on shows like "The Art Linkletter Show."

Frank Capra MP

Director of such classics as Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and It's a Wonderful Life.

Drew Carey TV

Star of the long running Drew Carey show.

Harry Carey MP

Star of over 250 movies from the days of silent films until the 1940s. His later credits included the Disney film So Dear to my Heart and the John Wayne film Angel and the Badman. Not to be confused with the famous Chicago Cubs broadcaster.

Harry Jr. Carey TV

Son of Harry Carey, he was called Harry Cary Jr. (not Harry Jr. Carey.) Harry has appeared in many films in the fifties including The Searchers. More recently he has appeared in such films as Back to the Future III and Tombstone. Feel free to confuse him with the famous Chigago Cubs broadcaster's son, but they aren't the same person either.

McDonald Carey TV

His name was actually spelled MacDonald Carey and he was a star of TV and movies from the 1940s through the 1980s. One of his most famous TV roles was on the mini series "Roots."

Frankie Carle Rec

Called "The Wizard of the Keyboard," Frankie w recorded many popular instrumental songs such as "Roses in the Rain."

George Carlin LT

Well known comic best known for his rauchy humor. Carlin recently appeared in the film Jersey Girl, a movie that is considered to be one of the worst film ever made. I wouldn't confuse him with a Chicago Cubs broadcaster either.

Kitty Carlisle MP

As a game show panelist Kitty appeared on shows such as "I've got a Secret" and "To Tell the Truth." She has also been an occasional actress in films such as The Marx Brother's A Night at the Opera and the Will Smith film Six Degrees of Separation.

Mary Carlisle MP

Pretty blonde actress starred in many films including three Bing Crosby films: College Humor (1933), Double or Nothing (1937) and Doctor Rhythm (1938).

Richard Carlson TV

Born in Minnesota, Carlson was star of such films as Creature from the Black Lagoon. On TV he was best known as Herbert A. Philbrick on the show "I Led 3 Lives"."

Hoagy Carmichael TV

Award winning composer of such songs as "Stardust" and "Georgia on My Mind." In some areas of the country they call him Sub Carmichael, in others he is Hero Carmichael or Grinder Carmichael.

Art Carney TV

Played Ed Norton on the TV series "The Honeymooners."

Ken Carpenter Radio

Veteran radio announcer, Ken annouced for such names as Bing Crosby and Edgar Bergen & Charlie McCarthy.

The Carpenters Rec

Musical duo of Karen and Richard Carpenter, best known for soft hit songs such as "Top Of The World."

Vicki Carr Rec

Christian musician and minister, Vicki has had crossover sucess with songs like "It Must be Him."

David Carradine TV

Star of TV's "Kung Fu" David recently played "Bill" in the Kill Bill films.

John Carradine MP

Star of many films including the Universal films The Black Cat and Bride of Frankenstein.

Keith Carradine TV

Son of John Carradine, Keith has starred in many films and TV shows including such recent shows as HBO's "Deadwood."

Leo Carrillo MP
Leo Carrillo TV

A latino actor, Leo has appeared in dozens of films including Man of Texas and Timber. He is best known as "Pancho" on the TV series "The Cisco Kid."

Diahann Carroll Rec

Singer and actress who won Diahann Carroll a Tony for Best Actress in the musical No Strings. I know her best as the weird holographic lady in The Star Wars Holiday Special.

Madeleine Carroll MP

Actress who worked oppisite Gary Cooper, Tyrone Power and Bob Hope. She starred in the Hitchcock film The 39 Steps.

More "C"s on the way!

Friday, June 17, 2005

The theaters on Hollywood Blvd. PART TWO

Fabulous Hollywood California is considered the capitol of the entertainment world. This means that Johnny Grant its benevolent dictator, Steven Spielberg is the Vice President, the guy who played "Pedro" in Napoleon Dynamite is the Secretary of State, Brendan Frasier is the President Pro Tem of the Senate and the man who voices Donald Duck is the cool private eye that all the ladies love.

It's no wonder than that Hollywood Blvd. has 88% more movie theaters per square mile than any street west of the Rockies and 76% more than any street north of Cobb County Georgia. Did I make up those statistics? You don't know, do ya? I dare you to try and prove me wrong.

Today we continue this article from about a year ago. Go take a look at it. It showcased the greatest operating theaters on the famed street. Those theaters are really a gem to see. For example, the famous Grauman's Chinese theater with its amazing architecture looks almost the same today as it did back in the 1920s.

Luckily THOSE theaters survived for all these years and with luck they will still be here 100 years from now.

Others weren't so lucky.

Today we look at some of the theaters that didn't survive. It's not hard to see why. When you enter a theater like the Chinese the first thing you notice is the size! Theaters like that generally boast one thousand or more seats. Way more than your typical multiplex. Certainly this SEEMS like a good thing (and believe me it is) but there is a reason theaters today have 20 small screens rather than 1 large one. Many movies come out every week, each appealing to a different audience. It is hard to get a small family to agree on the choice of a film, let along the entire movie going public.

This brings us to the first theater showcased today:

The Hollywood Galaxy - Wow! If Hollywood is its own Galaxy, that means Johnny Grant its benevolent dictator, Steven Spielberg is the Vice President, the guy... wait, did I already do this part?
The Hollywood Galaxy was built in the 1990s and was a big hit. It was a 6 screen multiplex built just a few steps away from the Chinese and almost immediately it began stealing away moviegoers from the Chinese and other movie palaces. Some of the older theaters had to close because of the competition, but eventually so did the Galaxy.
The theaters popularity fell just as quickly as it rose, mostly because the Chinese added a six screen multiplex next door to their mammoth auditorium.
The Galaxy still stands, but is currently closed. It is actually a pretty nice looking theater, similar to what you might find in an upscale shopping center. It sits next to the Hollywood Entertainment Museum (where you can find the Cheers bar!) and its sidewalk is adorned with the Walk of Fame stars of "The Simpsons" and "Big Bird."

Hawaii Theatre - Built in 1937 this theater was an ornate tropical oasis right in the middle of Hollywood Blvd. The theater featured a large Hawaiian mural over the marquee and inside a working waterfall and volcano kept patrons entertained as they waited for the feature. After about 20 years of operation the theater was sold to Salvation Army. They use the building as their Hollywood headquarters.
Still, if the guy who played "Pedro" in Napoleon Dynamite ever declares war on Salvation, this is the first place that will be bombed.

Vogue Theatre - A smaller theater by comparison (only 500 seats) this theater opened in the 1930s and was open for almost 60 years. The theater has a pretty neat marquee with the word "Vogue" spelled vertically down the front. Still, the theater was pretty drab and ordinary inside and was forced to close its doors in the 1990s. Recently it was used as a movie set for the movie theater scenes in Fight Club. It has also been home to a TV special for Spike TV.

The Fox Theater - Along with the Vogue Theater, this theater was owned by the Mann Corporation that also owns the Chinese. As they put money into the restoration and expansion of the Chinese they decided to close both of these theaters so as not to compete with themselves. Today they use this theater as a warehouse.
The theater was one of the first on Hollywood Blvd. opening way back in 1918. It had seating for over 600 and was then known as the Iris Theater.

The Hollywood Theater - Opening as a silent movie house in 1919, the Hollywood stayed open for many decades just a short walk east of the Chinese. In the 1990s it closed down and became the Guinness Book of World Records museum. Luckily the museum decided to keep the brilliant neon marquee, adding their name in place of the movie title.

Pantages Theater - I saved the best for last. One of the most ornate theaters EVER built, the Pantages even rivals the Chinese for sheer opulence. It also boasts a larger seating capacity (over 2200) and an equally rich history. The theater is located at the very end of Hollywood Blvd. right near Gower Street and the end of the Walk of Fame. The theater has a magnificent marble interior; it housed the Academy Awards and was once owned by Howard Hughes.
However, its vast size made it impossible for it to maintain business as a movie palace. Since the late 70s it has been home to live theater and in the 1990s new owners and a wonderful renovation made it the best place to see live theater outside of Broadway. The theater has recently hosted the Hollywood showings of hot shows like "The Lion King" and "The Producers.

It is nice to know that one of these great old theaters is still full of people on a Saturday night, still ringing with the sounds of laughter and still under the angry, watchful eye of the guy who played "Pedro" in Napoleon Dynamite.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Unknown on the Walk of Fame: Vol. B, Part 8

The Hollywood Walk of Fame is a series of bronze plaques imbedded in pink and black squares that run across Hollywood Blvd. (from Gower Street to La Brea Avenue) and on Vine Street (from Yucca Street to Sunset Boulevard.)
The stars on the Walk honor not just movie stars, but radio, TV, & theater performers, directors, singers, magicians, and just about anyone remotely connected to Hollywood.
The stars are given in five categories: Motion Pictures, Television, Recording (singers, songwriters, etc.), Radio and Live Theater
The Walk started in 1960, and since then, over 2,000 stars have been added. Contrary to popular assumption, not all the stars are those of superstars. Many of them are of people that you have never heard of.
In this ongoing series we look at EACH and EVERY person who received this honor. You have probably heard of 2 or 3 of the people listed below. Others will sound vaguely familiar. Many will be completely unknown to everyone born after 1930. Hopefully, after today you will remember them forever.

The B' are ALMOST done, I promise! Can you believe the A's was only THREE parts!!!

Elton Britt Rec

Western singer who hit big with the patriotic song "Star Spangled Banner Waving Somewhere".

Barbara Britton TV

The Revlon Girl in the 50s and 60s, Britton appeared on the series "Mr. and Mrs. North".

Cubby Broccoli MP

Producer of most of the James Bond films and the cutest name in show biz history. He sounds like he should be a cartoon that tells kids to eat right and exercise.

James Brolin TV

Husband of Barbara Streisand and star of such TV shows as "Marcus Welby, M.D."

Charles Bronson MP

Tough guy actor from the famed Death Wish films.

Hillary Brooke TV

Star of TV and movies she starred in several shows and appeared on "The Abbott and Costello Show."

Garth Brooks Rec

Popular country music singer of such songs as "The Thunder Rolls."

Richard Brooks MP

Writer and director of such films as Elmer Gantry and Blackboard Jungle.

Pierce Brosnan MP

Star of several James Bond pictures.

Mills Brothers Rec

Band of siblings formed in 1925 known for their pop-swing harmonies.

Nicholas Brothers MP

A pair of brothers (Harold and Fayard) who were known for their tap dancing. Among the films that they performed in were "Stormy Weather" and "The Pirate."

Sherman Brothers MP

Brothers Richard and Robert wrote the music for many of the classic Disney films.

Cecil Brown Radio

CBS News radio correspondent known for reporting in remote and dangerous places. He received numerous awards in the 1940s such as the Pulitzer Prize of Radio.

Clarence Brown MP

Famed director of many films in the 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s including National Velvet.

Harry Joe Brown MP

Prolific producer of over 100 films including 1951's Santa Fe.

James Brown Rec

The Godfather of Soul, known for such hits as "I Feel Good", "Living in America" and that time he hit his wife.

Joe E. Brown MP

Comic actor who appeared in such films as Some Like It Hot and Around the World in Eighty Days.

Johnny Mack Brown MP

Star of b-westerns in the 1920s and for many years after. Some titles included: Rogue of the Range, Silver Range, Shadows on the Range, Range Justice, Law of the Range and Range Law. If there was a range there was Johnny Mack Brown.

Les Brown Rec

A bandleader in the 1930s, Les hit number one nine times with songs like "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm."

Tom Brown MP

Actor in many films including Tom Brown of Culver where he played a character named... Tom Brown.
He also appeared in: The Quiet Gun, Naked Gun (1956, not the one with O.J. and Elvis’ wife), Three Sons o' Guns, "Gunsmoke", "Have Gun - Will Travel” and “Peter Gunn." If there was a gun Tom Brown was there, if the gun was on the range, he and Johnny Mack Brown played "rock, paper, scissors" for it. If O.J. and Elvis' wife showed up, none of the rules applied. Void in Utah. If unsatisfied return unused portion for a complete refund.

To be concluded. Then we start on the C's.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Barry Manilow's Copacabana

Have you ever been in a dentist's chair and heard the Barry Manilow song "Copacabana"? And as you sat there having inlays put on your cuspids you thought "Hey! They should make this into a movie."
Of course you would get Manilow himself to play the lead and Estelle Getty to play his mom.

After all, Estelle Getty is the greatest mom in the history of show business.

Let's take a look at some of the great actors and actresses who have played the offspring of Estelle Getty:

Cher (in the film Mask)
Sylvester Stallone (in Stop or My Mom Will Shoot)
Bea Arthur (on TV's Golden Girls)

Can you honestly tell me that you DON'T think Barry Manilow, Cher, Stallone and Bea Arthur look like siblings?

As Lola, the film's female lead we could cast the woman who played Lana Lang in Superman III (the one with Richard Pryor and a drunken Man of Steel) and Martha Kent in Smallville. She's handled Superman; perhaps she is woman enough for BARRY MANILOW.

With the cast set, all we would need is a writer.

How about the ever pompous host of "Inside the Actor's Studio", James Lipton.

As a bonus, let’s have Barry Manilow get shot in the chest at the end of the film.

Sounds like a dream, doesn't it.

Make sure you are sitting down before you read this next sentence:


Yes, and I saw it last night. By the way, I won't be apologizing for the spoiler about Manilow's grisly demise in the picture. If you have ever heard the song, you knew that was coming.

The film opens in the year 1985 at a club by the name of, you guessed it, Copacabana. Everyone is on the dance floor decked out in parachute pants and neon T-Shirts. Everyone that is except Lola.

You remember the song, right? At the end Lola is a drunken, old, floozy who has been wearing the same dress for forty years. Lola either smells like a locker room floor or she has some amazing laundry secrets.

The film flashes back to forty years ago. Lola and Barry Manilow are appearing on some game show where they have to sing songs about monkeys and choo-choo trains. It's like American Idol only no one is sleeping with Paula Abdul.

Manilow wins, but decides to stalk Lola. He goes to her job where she dances with old men for 10 cents a song. Soon they are both working at the Copacabana. Barry works briefly as a bartender but is soon a lounge piano player.

Then Rico shows up. Rico is played by character actor Joseph Bologna. I wonder if we have the option of pronouncing his last name Bologna or Baloney. I would call him Joey Baloney. I take that back, I WILL call him Joey Baloney.

Joey Baloney is into Lola and hires her to go to his club in Havana. His club is the Tropicana, it's better than the Copacabana. It is popular with Tito Santana and Joe Montana. I like to wear a bandana. Anna bana fo fanna banana bana bo banna fee fie fo fanna Havana!

Manilow is sad to see her leave, but sadder when he finds out that Rico is going to give her a diamond ring called "The Kiss of Death" and kill her. He also is going to make her dress like a pirate. This was all pretty confusing in the film, so I don't expect it to make sense to you right now. I now know why the show isn't called "Inside the WRITER'S Studio".

The film draws to a super happy close until Manilow takes a .44 slug to the chest. Then we cut back to the beginning and see Lola sitting at the bar in 1985. Sadly she stays at the bar when she could have easily hopped a train to Madison Square Garden and seen Mr. T and Hulk Hogan fight Paul Orndorf and Rowdy Roddy Piper in the first Wrestlemania.

Monday, June 13, 2005

The Clothes That Went to a Party

I love cartoons. I always have. It is one of two things I am proud I never grew out of.

The other thing is my Wonder Woman wristband set.

I know cartoons are still big business for adults today, but all of the big money makers follow a pretty standard formula: eye popping special effects and some slightly off color jokes wrapped around a pretty ordinary storyline. I prefer to seek the cartoons that are really only for adults because they would bore children to tears.

Recently I was sifting through a dollar store DVD bin when I found two DVDs that caught my eye.

One was a bizarre cartoon disc with artwork that looked like it was drawn by a slightly drunker Charles Schultz (I know he's dead, but I can't remember the name of the guy who draws Ziggy.)
The cover of the second DVD had a man with a handlebar mustache wearing shorts and a long sleeve shirt. He and two negligee clad women were inside a jar being held prisoner by a giant snake. All the writing on the cover was in Spanish so I am not sure whether they had shrunk or the snake and jar had become enlarged.

With the two DVDs in hand I headed to the checkout counter. Luckily I had a $2 bill in my pocket. Unfortunately as I approached the register I saw something even more amazing than a giant snake and a guy in a handlebar mustache - a BOX of fortune cookies.

Suddenly I realized a dream I never knew I had; I wanted to eat a box of fortune cookies. I also now wanted to see a snake with a handlebar mustache.

Giggling at the thought of an all snake mariachi band I grabbed the fortune cookies, hid the Spanish DVD behind a stack of fridge magnets shaped like soda bottles and raced to the checkout. After a few minutes of negotiations with the checkout girl (I had to explain to her that $2 bills are real currency and NOT as she put it "voodoo money") I was off for a night of entertainment that I would not soon forget.

The DVD actually featured a handful of cartoons, but the only one I planned on watching was "The Clothes That Went to a Party". I must say I was intrigued by the very title and for about 11 minutes of my life I was thoroughly entertained.

The film started with the title which was read aloud by a woman whose voice sounded exactly like Hilary Clinton's, WITHOUT the sex appeal. I shall call her Betty.

Betty reads the title oddly emphasizing the word "to" as if THAT was the unusual part of the title. She also informed me that this film was made in Turkey.

This was such good news I broke open my first fortune cookie.

FORTUNE: Man who thinks slow and smart is better than fast and dim.
LUCKY NUMBERS: 2 23 34 99 82

I was a little confused about what to do about my lucky numbers or fortune. I just read it real fast and thought dim thoughts.

The story centered on a poor farmer. His name was either Nasser or Nester. I am not sure which, and I am pretty sure Betty doesn't know either. In lieu of a consensus I shall call him NASA because I like astronauts.

NASA lives on a farm. Betty says he only has two friends, a rooster and a dog. She is lying. First off, he doesn't seem to be that friendly with the rooster, the rooster just tries to wake him up in the morning. He and the dog are clearly friends, but the ROOSTER? That is like saying I am friends with my alarm clock. Sure, I find my alarm clock USEFUL, but we don't go out drinking together. My alarm clock never helped me move. I never made a pass at my alarm clock's wife. It's safe to say we aren't friends and neither is NASA and his rooster.

But Betty claims they are. Stupid lying Betty. She also claims that these are the ONLY friends he has. This too is a lie and will be proven false later.

NASA doesn't like to wake up. The rooster can't wake him and neither can the dog. It should be noted that NASA sleeps with one leg straight up in the air and a pillow draped across his crotch. It's basically the same pose Drew Barrymore struck in Playboy. I find it strangely erotic.

To calm myself down I open fortune cookie number two half expecting it to read "you should have bought the other movie".

FORTUNE: There is no hill that cannot be challenged.
LEARN CHINESE: It's too late = hen ji shi

I am thrilled to learn that I can challenge any hill. So I call up Tim Hill, the director of Muppets from Space and challenge him to an afternoon of Donkey Kong. I hope he shows up in the early evening. Then I could tell him that I WOULD have played the game with him but "hen ji shi" that is assuming that he knows Chinese... and where I live.

Anyway, NASA's dog drags him out of bed and Betty says "Look, it is hard to tell who the dog is and who is the owner." This is true, but only because the animation is so bad.

So, NASA and the dog work on the farm growing grapes. For lunch they eat grapes, but during lunch NASA confuses the dog’s nose for a grape and bites it. They share nothing with the Rooster. Betty remains eerily silent.

Suddenly a man arrives who Betty calls "The Landowner" and "The Landlord" depending on her feeling at the moment. I wish this film was 12 minutes long because then she may have finally called him the ultra cool name of "The Lord Owner".

The landlord is mean to NASA. So mean that he asks for the rent and invites him to his 50th birthday party. By the way, the landlord looks quite good for his age, kinda like a younger, hairier Danny Devito.

That night one of NASA's friends stops by and asks NASA why he isn't at the party yet. See what I mean about Betty and her lies! Unless the Rooster is some kind of shape-shifter it is clear that he has other friends.

NASA then heads to the party. He isn't able to get changed because he is so late and so he goes in his work clothes.

When he arrives at the party the landlord is so offended by NASA's audacity to show up in work clothes at his party that he whispers to his guests that they should ignore him.

Betty explains that from the landlord "a whisper is like a demand said softly." This bizarre phrase reminds me of the fortune cookies. I bit into the next one rather than breaking it open first and I ate half of the fortune. Oddly enough, this didn't affect the taste.

(Half of the) FORTUNE: -when he is angry.
(Half of the) LUCKY NUMBERS: 7 92

So, NASA is ignored. Not just by the landlord but by the other guests whom Betty tells us "Are his friends, but are too scared to disobey the landowner." Oh what a tangled web you weave, Betty.

When NASA isn't invited to eat with everyone else he leaves the party and goes home.

At home, NASA shaves and puts on his best clothes. He returns to the party and is treated like royalty by all the other guests and the landlord. NASA sits at the head of the table and is offered all of the food.


NASA picks up a roast and says "Jacket have you tried the roast?" then he picks up some bread and offers it to his shirt. Then in one of the greatest moments in cartoon history he shoves a hunk of cheese into his pants.

Betty tells us that when he was asked why he told them that obviously they had not invited him, they had invited his clothes since they were so rude before he wore them.

The landlord laughs and laughs at this. "Oh that NASA he pulled a good one on me he says. Then, I think they proceeded to eat the food, even the cheese that was in his pants.

Betty wraps up the story by telling us that "No one ever criticized NASA again for sleeping late because they know it's not the clothes you wear but the person who wears them."


Maybe something was lost in the translation. I learned three things:
1) Betty is a liar
2) Fortune cookies are only good in moderation
3) When in doubt, choose anything involving snakes and handlebar mustaches.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Unknown on the Walk of Fame: Vol. B, Part 7

The Hollywood Walk of Fame is a series of bronze plaques imbedded in pink and black squares that run across Hollywood Blvd. (from Gower Street to La Brea Avenue) and on Vine Street (from Yucca Street to Sunset Boulevard.)
The stars on the Walk honor not just movie stars, but radio, TV, & theater performers, directors, singers, magicians, and just about anyone remotely connected to Hollywood.
The stars are given in five categories: Motion Pictures, Television, Recording (singers, songwriters, etc.), Radio and Live Theater
The Walk started in 1960, and since then, over 2,000 stars have been added. Contrary to popular assumption, not all the stars are those of superstars. Many of them are of people that you have never heard of.
In this ongoing series we look at EACH and EVERY person who received this honor. You have probably heard of 2 or 3 of the people listed below. Others will sound vaguely familiar. Many will be completely unknown to everyone born after 1930. Hopefully, after today you will remember them forever.

Part 7 baby! That means there were 6 before this! The next one will be 8.

John Bowers MP

John Bowers was a star in the silent days. Starting in 1916 he began appearing on the screen. He appeared in just under 100 films until the early 1930s. He was not able to make the transition to talking pictures and in 1936 (5 years after his last film) he killed himself.
His suicide was a bit bizarre. He rowed out to the middle of the ocean and drowned himself.
I know it's a downer, but with him out of the way we can move on to happier tales of Hollywood.

Major Bowers Radio

These names were taken from the Hollywood Walk of Fame's own site. The site is full of misspelled names and other mistakes. Major Bowers is such a mistake. His name was Major Bowes. I was going to contact the website but I hear that the entire staff committed suicide by drowning.
Anyway, Major Bowes hosted Major Bowes' Original Amateur Hour on CBS radio from 1934 to 1946.
That show inspired many shows such as American Idol and The Gong Show - in fact, Bowes used to gong people that performed badly! They then gonged contestants on The Gong Show. On American Idol, however, rather than being gonged they get yelled out by Simon Cowell or they get to sleep with Paula Abdul. She gonged contestant Corey Clark. I wonder how many times I can fit "gonged" into this article. Maybe 2 or 3 more times. Probably more if I drop the running gag about people committing suicide.

David Bowie Rec
Popular musician, recorded many hit songs including "Changes". Bowie starred in the film "The Man that Fell to Earth." Imagine if he fell to earth, but since earth is 82% water he landed in the water and drowned. Then Major Bowes gonged him.

Bill Boyd Radio

A very successful singing cowboy on the radio in the 1920s.

Jimmy Boyd Rec

Boyd is most famous for his song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus".

William Boyd MP

Not to be confused with fellow "cowboy" Bill Boyd, William was the star of many movies and is best known for playing Hopalong Cassidy.

Charles Boyer MP
Charles Boyer TV

Pronounced boy-yay, Boyer appeared in films from the 1920s to the 1970s. Among the many popular films he appeared in was the James Bond spoof Casino Royale.
He also hosted a TV show called "Charles Boyer Theater". Boyer committed suicide two days after the death of his wife. Neither death involved drowning.

Eddie Bracken TV
Eddie Bracken Radio

Star of many comedies from the 1950s including Hold that Blonde and Were Not Married!. Bracken's career continued through the 1990s. One of his most popular latter roles was Roy Walley (of Walley World) in National Lampoon's Vacation.

Ray Bradbury MP

A successful science fiction author, Bradbury has written for the "Twilight Zone" as well as movies like Fahrenheit 451 and Moby Dick.

Ed M. Bradley Mayor

I'm stumped by this one. He is listed under 'Live Theater' but has the word 'Mayor' written after his name. All searches for a Mayor Ed Bradley comes up blank. I will continue the search and I will update this in the future. Perhaps I should start a new series just on Ed M. Bradley Mayor called "REALLY unknown on the Walk of fame."

Terry Bradshaw TV

Former member of the Steelers football team, Bradshaw has been a popular sports commentator since his retirement.

Alice Brady MP

Academy award nominee for the film My Man Godfrey. Alice appeared in 79 films between 1914 and 1939.

Marlon Brando MP

Acclaimed star of such films as The Godfather and Streetcar Named Desire.

Tom Breneman Radio

Host of a very popular radio show called Breakfast in Hollywood. It was the 1940s version of Live with Regis and Kelly.

Walter Brennan MP

One of the most successful character actors of all time. Featured in films as diverse as Sergeant York, Rio Grande and The Pride of the Yankees.

Evelyn Brent MP

Star of over 100 films including Westward Ho and Jungle Jim. Evelyn's career spanned from 1915 to 1953.

George Brent MP
George Brent TV

Brent was a star of the big and small screen for almost 50 years. One of his most popular films was Jezebel.

Teresa Brewer Rec

Dixieland music star known for such hits as Bye Bye Baby goodbye.

David Brian TV

Popular film and character actor. Often cast in westerns, David was a guest star on many popular shows. He also starred in the TV series "Mr. District Attorney".

Mary Brian MP

Her first role was that of Wendy in the 1924 version of Peter Pan. Her last was as a guest on "This Is Your Life". In between she did over 70 films, many of which sounded like the titles of famous TV shows: Two's Company (1936), Dragnet (1947), Homicide Squad (1931) and Gun Smoke (1931).

Mark & Brian Radio

Syndicated radio duo and (briefly) stars of their own 1991 sitcom. They can be heard today on KLOS in Los Angeles.

Fanny Brice MP
Fanny Brice Radio

Famous comedienne who successfully made the jump from radio to movies. Her claim to fame on radio was the show "Baby Snooks". On the film (and on Broadway) it was Ziegfeld Follies.

Beau Bridges TV

Son of Lloyd Bridges, star of The Fabulous Baker Boys.

Jeff Bridges MP

Also Lloyd Bridges' son, star of many films including Blown Away and The Contender.

Lloyd Bridges TV

Legendary film and TV actor star of the Sea Hunt TV series. Bridges was also adept at comedy Appearing in Airplane and Hot Shots.
Ray Briem Radio

Radio talk show host in Los Angeles, Ray was at the prime of his career in the late 70s and early 80s.

Bernie Brillstein TV

Executive producer of many TV shows and movies including ALF, The Cable Guy, News Radio and Happy Gilmore.

And many more to come.

Due to the mystery of Ed M. Bradley and the many typos on the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce website I decided to send them the following email:
I just wanted to let you know I found a few typos on your website:

St. John Adela: This is actress Adela St. John. She is listed
alphabetically under her first name, not her last.
St. John Al: This is actor Al St. John. His name is also out of order.
Edward Arnold Rec: This was a TV and Film actor. I believe his star is in
television, not recorded music.
Agnes Ayers MP: Name should be spelled "Ayres"
Cont Basie Rec: Should be Count Basie.
Noah Jr. Berry: Should be Noah Beery Jr.
Major Bowers Radio: Should be Major Bowes.
Ika Chase: Should read Ilka Chase

In addition I found the following under "Live Theater":Ed M. Bradley Mayor
Could you tell me who this is?

Thank you,
Guy Hutchinson

In response I received the following email:
Mr. Hutchinson,

Thanks for finding those errors. We will fix them immediately. The one for Mayor Tom Bradley will be removed because it is not a Walk of Fame star. It is a different type of star found on private property.

Well, there is the answer. Not only is his name not ED, but it is not a Walk of Fame star! I will have to look for it.

Tom Bradley was an immensely popular mayor of Los Angeles for 5 terms beginning in 1973. Tom's signature is on a special block at Grauman's Chinese Theater containing a time capsule from 1977.

As for the other mistakes, I checked today and many of them were fixed. I am happy to see they did this. When people send me emails about my typos I usually sign their emails up on every spam list I can find.

Hmmm, that's interesting, I just got ten emails from the Online Gay Orthodontist webring! Oh drat!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Unknown on the Walk of Fame: Vol. B, Part 6

The Hollywood Walk of Fame is a series of bronze plaques imbedded in pink and black squares that run across Hollywood Blvd. (from Gower Street to La Brea Avenue) and on Vine Street (from Yucca Street to Sunset Boulevard.)
The stars on the Walk honor not just movie stars, but radio, TV, & theater performers, directors, singers, magicians, and just about anyone remotely connected to Hollywood.
The stars are given in five categories: Motion Pictures, Television, Recording (singers, songwriters, etc.), Radio and Live Theater
The Walk started in 1960, and since then, over 2,000 stars have been added. Contrary to popular assumption, not all the stars are those of superstars. Many of them are of people that you have never heard of.
In this ongoing series we look at EACH and EVERY person who received this honor. You have probably heard of 2 or 3 of the people listed below. Others will sound vaguely familiar. Many will be completely unknown to everyone born after 1930. Hopefully, after today you will remember them forever.

This task seems never-ending. The B's seem insurmountable! I'm not sure if I should write B's or Bs. I prefer B's because Bs looks too much like B.S. Of course B's looks a little like the head of a drunken guy wearing glasses lying on his side.

Joan Blondell MP

Voluptuous blonde actress who starred in over 100 films from The Public Enemy in 1931 and Grease in 1978.

Monte Blue MP

Leading man from the days of silent films. In addition to silent films, he appeared in many talkies including Key Largo. I nominate Monte Blue for coolest name of all time.

Ann Blyth MP

Nominee for best Actress in a Supporting Role for Mildred Pierce (1945). She has a pleasant singing voice.

Betty Blythe MP

Betty was a star in silent films, but did not experience the same success in sound pictures. Still she continued working with small parts in everything from Abbott and Costello go to Hollywood and My Fair Lady.

Eleanor Boardman MP

Eleanor made 33 films from 1922-1935. Some titles included Sinners in Silk, Proud Flesh and Exchange of Wives all titles that sound like soft porn.

Humphrey Bogart MP

Legendary film star who starred in such films as Casablanca.

Mary Boland MP

Actress in 53 films including 1940's Pride and Prejudice.

John Boles MP

Actor in many films including the classic 1931 film Frankenstein.

Richard Boleslawski MP

Polish born actor who often wrote about the art of acting. I thought he had a cool name until I ran a spell check on his last name and they suggested I change it to “coleslaw”.

Ray Bolger MP
Ray Bolger TV

Vaudeville star best known for his part as the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. In addition to a star for motion pictures, Bolger has a star for TV. On the tube he starred in his own sitcom called "Where's Raymond?"
I hope they found him in the final episode. Maybe it was like that episode of “All in the Family” where everyone was looking for Archie, but he had just gotten drunk with his lodge buddies and slept in a hotel. Or it could have been like that movie Don't Say a Word where Britney Murphy played a crazy girl who helped Michael Douglas find his missing kid.
Of course, I think that kid had been killed. Or, maybe she found him alive. I don’t remember. I just remember that part when she kept saying “I’ll never tell, I’ll never tell.”
I think crazy chicks are hot.

Michael Bolton Rec

Easy listening musician known for such songs as "Said I Loved You...But I Lied" and "Can I Touch You... There".
Bolton actually started his career as a performer in the 1970s heavy metal band Black Jack.

Ford Bond Radio

Radio announcer from the golden age. Ford was also Dwight D. Eisenhower's radio and TV consultant. Hmmm, I think Ford Bond tops Monte Blue in the cool name competition. Sorry Monte.

Ward Bond TV

Star of TV's Wagon Train. Ward also played Bert the cop in It's a Wonderful Life. Ward Bond? Is that cooler than Ford Bond? Bond, Ward Bond. No, I prefer Ford. He reminds me of the epitome of cool, Ford Fairlane.

Beulah Bondi MP

Also appeared in It's a Wonderful Life as Jimmy Stewart's mother. She also played Jimmy Stewart's mom in three other films.

Pat Boone Rec
Pat Boone TV

Famed musician who often performed on the Tonight Show.

Shirley Booth MP

Star of the TV show Hazel. Shirley also appeared in movies such as Hot Spell and Come Back Little Sheba.

Olive Borden MP

One of the most beautiful women of the silent film era. Olive had trouble getting roles in the 40s and died destitute.

Ernest Borgnine MP

Popular film actor who is still working today. Ernest has appeared in The Dirty Dozen, The Poseidon Adventure and BASEketball.

Frank Borzage MP

Two time Academy Award winning director, one of his most popular films was A Farewell to Arms.

Hobart Bosworth MP

A film pioneer, Bosworth worked in virtually every aspect of motion pictures. Among his credits is the only "Little Rascals" feature film General Spanky.

Clara Bow MP

Star of 58 films, mostly during the silent era. Clara Bow was the original "It Girl". Clara starred in the 1927 film It. People then started to refer to her as the It Girl.

Oh the B's keep on coming! Yikes!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Mocking the List: Top 25 Partners of the Green Power Partnership

Whew. Did you ever have an idea that seemed so good in your head, but it came together it did not turn out that good?? You know like New Coke, Woodstock 94 or Spiderman 2. I assume that you didn't have any of those ideas; I just thought they were good examples. If you did have those ideas, SHAME ON YOU.

Anyway, today I decided to do the opposite. I had an awful idea for a column and I decided to go forward with it hoping that this would have an equal and opposite reaction to the GOOD idea gone wrong.

Here is what I am doing: I am taking a list I found on the EPA website that has zero comedy possibilities. Then, I am having The Incredible Hulk review it with me. You may remember the Hulk helped review a book called "Show and Tell" a while back.

HULK: Arrrgh Hulk not know what he doing here! Hulk need answers!

SWEETIE: I thought since it is called the "Green Power Partnership" you should be involved.

HULK: 'Partnership'?!?! How Sweetie find out about Hulk's life partner? Who told him that Hulk and Solomon Grundy share an apartment in the Village!

SWEETIE: Uh... no, I thought 'green' and 'power' were the words that connected you to the list.

HULK: Grrrr! Hulk understand better. It is because of Hulk's skin color you want to talk to him. Hulk sees things clearly now. Sweetie is racist against green people. Why Sweetie not call Jolly Green Giant?

SWEETIE: Anyway, the list includes organizations "whose annual green power purchase is the largest, and whose green power purchase has been completed."

HULK: Hulk think list is boring already. Hulk rather do a list of people who use "Punky Power" like on Mork from Ork.

SWEETIE: That was Punky Brewster.

HULK: Hulk stands corrected. Arrrggh. Proceed.

1. U.S. Air Force

HULK: Way to screw up the whole bit, Sweetie. You did number ONE first? Why didn't we count them down?

SWEETIE: Why aren't you speaking like the Hulk anymore?

HULK: Ooops. My bad. I mean Hulk bad! Grrrrgh!

SWEETIE: So the Air Force tops the list. Way to go Air Force.

HULK: Remember in 2003 movie Hulk when I was on top of Air Force jet? Then the pilot flew to outer space and then I jumped off.


HULK: That was cool.

2. Johnson & Johnson

SWEETIE: Johnson & Johnson, makers of fine products, use Green Power for 24% of their manufacturing.

HULK: They make the "No More Tears" shampoo. Hulk no use that. He use "Lots More Tears" shampoo.

SWEETIE: Who makes that?

HULK: Hulk was making joke.

SWEETIE: Oh yeah? That was pretty funny.

HULK: Don't patronize Hulk.

3. U.S. Environmental Protection Agency

SWEETIE: So the EPA is number three on their own list. You would think they would be number one.

HULK: Slackers. Grrrr!

4. The World Bank

5. U.S. General Services Administration / Region 2

6. Whole Foods Market

SWEETIE: Ohhh! I love Whole Foods!

HULK: Ohhh! I love U.S. General Services Administration / Region 2.

SWEETIE: Hulk, do you REALLY love U.S. General Services Administration / Region 2 or are you just saying that because I said I loved Whole Foods?

HULK: Keep list moving, Sweetie. Hulk has a dentist appointment later.

7. City of San Diego, CA

8. New Jersey Consolidated Energy Savings Program

9. WhiteWave Foods

10. Austin (TX) Independent School District

11. Staples

SWEETIE: But what if the Staples location is in San Diego? Then it must be really special.

HULK: Hulk no care about Staples and stupid ergonomically designed chairs. Arrrrgggghh!

12. University of Pennsylvania

13. Montgomery County, MD

14. Advanced Micro Devices / Austin, TX Facilities

15. Commonwealth of Pennsylvania

HULK: Hulk just realize that Pennsylvania is not a state. Pennsylvania is a 'Commonwealth'.

SWEETIE: Yeah. And the word 'Commonwealth' is kind of an oxymoron.

HULK: You're a moron.

SWEETIE: No, OXYMORON! Like the 'jumbo shrimp'.

HULK: Hulk just realize jumbo shrimp is not a state.

16. FedEx Kinko's

17. East Bay Municipal Utility District/Main WWT Plant

18. BMW Manufacturing Co. / Greer, SC Facilities

19. City of Santa Monica, CA

20. U.S. Navy / Region South

HULK: Wow, Navy finish much lower than Air Force. Grrrrr.

SWEETIE: Yeah, but the Navy gets to wear those cool sailor hats.

21. Harvard University

22. Round Rock (TX) Independent School District

23. City of Portland, OR

24. Pennsylvania State University

25. U.S. Department of Energy/Forrestal and Germantown Facilities

SWEETIE: That’s the list! Thanks for your help, Hulk.

HULK: Wait! Don't cut off Hulk! Hulk not finished with list! Hulk frustrated that he not make list! Grrrr! Hulk use nothing but Green Power! List was stupid. Why not put Hulk down as honorable mention? Hulk need to get his lawyer on phone. Grrrrh! Someone call Stan Lee! Tell him to stop making cameos and start focusing on getting Hulk's name out! Why no one making Hulk 2? They make two Baby Genius movies for Pete's sake. Wait? Who is this 'Pete' and why do we make movies for his sake? Find Pete and tell him to demand new Hulk movie! ARRRRGGGGH!

(NOTE: Hulk continued to ramble on for a few more seconds and then I hung up the phone and hid in the closet.)

Friday, June 03, 2005


Somewhere today in a schoolyard the following conversation is taking place:
KID #1: Knock knock.
KID #2: Who's there?
KID #1: Utah who?
KID #2: You tall, but I short.
Followed by uncomfortable silence.

But, there is more to Utah than belly laughs, yuk yuks and chuckles.

Perhaps the first thing people think of when they think of Utah is Mormons. The Mormons settled into Utah's Salt Lake Valley back in 1847. Back then the state was still Mexican territory. A year later some treaty made Utah a U.S. state.

The original capital of Utah was Fillmore, but that was replaced by Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City is presumably named after a lake with salt in it, but no one knows for sure. Few people have actually been to Utah and who can blame them. I bet they forget to put it on maps every now and then.

Utah is a popular ski destination since it has mountains that receive more than 500 inches of snow yearly. That's far more snow than other mountains that receive less than 100 inches of snow. However, it's less than mountains that receive over 600 inches of snow. Did you ever see the episode of Full House where they were trying to find the true meaning of Christmas? At the end the greasy uncle showed the kids that it's not about Jesus Christ, presents or family... the true meaning of Christmas is SNOW. This means that 4/6 of the planet can never truly celebrate Christmas.

Western Utah is mostly desert with plenty of sandstone.

Let us take a look at the Utah state song:

Words- Sam Francis, Gary Francis
Music- Gary Francis

Utah! People working together
Utah! What a great place to be.
Blessed from Heaven above.
It's the land that we love.
This is the place!

Utah! With its mountains and valleys.
Utah! With its canyons and streams.
You can go anywhere.
But there's none that compare.
This is the place!

Yes you can shop around, but you will save the most with Utah! Is it just me or does this seem like a jingle for a mall?

It was Brigham Young who led the pioneers across the plains.
They suffered with the trials they had to face.
With faith they kept on going till they reached the Great Salt Lake
Here they heard the words..."THIS IS THE PLACE!"

Utah! With its focus on family,
Utah! Helps each child to succeed.
People care how they live.
Each has so much to give.
This is the place!

Utah! Its teeth are big and green!
Utah! It smells like gasoline!
Utah! Getting bigger and better.
Utah! Always leading the way.
New technology's here...
Growing faster each year.
This is the place!

Getting bigger? Not true. In fact, with geodesic erosion the state has lost approximately 0.43 of an inch of land surface since it became a state. This information was discovered with some of the aforementioned technology.
There is beauty in the snow-capped mountains, in the lakes and streams.
There are valleys filled with farms and orchards too.
The spirit of its people shows in everything they do.
Utah is the place where dreams come true.

Utah! With its pioneer spirit.
Utah! What a great legacy!
Blessed from Heaven above.
It's the land that we love.
This is the place

Utah! Utah! Utah!

Yay Utah!!!

Utah is one of the four corners states! This means that it is bordered by Arizona, New Mexico and Colorado. There is a spot where you can quickly walk from state to state, or if you are fat enough, sit down in four states at once. I wonder what would happen if you committed a crime right at the four corners!?! Who would have jurisdiction?

Hmmm. I will grab my shotgun and go find out.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Unknown on the Walk of Fame: Vol. B, Part 5

The Hollywood Walk of Fame is a series of bronze plaques imbedded in pink and black squares that run across Hollywood Blvd. (from Gower Street to La Brea Avenue) and on Vine Street (from Yucca Street to Sunset Boulevard.)
The stars on the Walk honor not just movie stars, but radio, TV, & theater performers, directors, singers, magicians, and just about anyone remotely connected to Hollywood.
The stars are given in five categories: Motion Pictures, Television, Recording (singers, songwriters, etc.), Radio and Live Theater
The Walk started in 1960, and since then, over 2,000 stars have been added. Contrary to popular assumption, not all the stars are those of superstars. Many of them are of people that you have never heard of.
In this ongoing series we look at EACH and EVERY person who received this honor. You have probably heard of 2 or 3 of the people listed below. Others will sound vaguely familiar. Many will be completely unknown to everyone born after 1930. Hopefully, after today you will remember them forever.

Ernani Bernardi Rec

What a way to start! In the 30s and 40s Bernardi was lead saxophonist and arranger for Benny Goodman, Tommy Dorsey and other huge names in popular music. Later he left music to become a Los Angeles City Councilman.

Sarah Bernhardt MP

No, she isn't the comedienne that tossed salad at Oscar the Grouch in Follow that Bird. That was Sandra Bernhard.
Wouldn't it be great if they were at the Oscars together? Then David Letterman could say "Sandra Bernhard, Sarah Bernhardt. Sandra Bernhard, Sarah Bernhardt."
But that couldn't happen. Sarah was dead by 1921.
Still her contributions to motion pictures can't be denied. She was the first famous stage actress to go into pictures. Her first film was a silent short. It was the first film incarnation of Hamlet. The year it was first shown was 1900!
Due to her popularity and association with acting (as one of its first superstars) her name became synonymous with acting and the expression "acting like Sarah Bernhardt" came about. This was often used by parents to describe a child's overly dramatic crying fit.

Ben Bernie Radio

Famous host of Jazz programs on the radio in the 1930s. He coined the word "yowsah" to describe the feeling of listening to jazz. He would often shout it during live performances. Years later it became the catch phrase of one Inspector Gadget.

Elmer Bernstein MP

Oscar winning composer who did some of the most famous film scores ever. Among his compositions is The Magnificent Seven.

Leonard Bernstein Rec

World renowned composer. One of his most successful pieces is West Side Story.

Noah Jr. Berry TV

This list of names is from the Walk of Fame's official website. For some reason they list "Noah Beery Jr." as "Noah Jr. Berry".
Noah Beery Jr. had a 60 year show business career. Among his best loved roles was that of Jim Garner's dad on The Rockford Files.

Chuck Berry Rec

Artist responsible for Johnny B. Goode and many other hit songs.

Edna Best MP

Actress who appeared in films from 1921 to 1956. One of her most successful films was the Alfred Hitchcock directed thriller The Man Who Knew Too Much.

Charles Bickford MP
Charles Bickford TV

Gruff character actor who starred in movies like A Star Is Born (1954) and TV series such as The Virginian.
E. Powers Biggs Rec

Biggs was a performer who brought the classical pipe organ back to prominence in the 1940s and 50s.

Theodore Bikel Live Theatre

Tony award winning performer from the musical The Sound of Music. He is also a performer in motion pictures and TV. One of his more famous roles was as Kisielev in The Desperate Ones.

Constance Binney MP

She was an actress in over a dozen films between 1918 and 1923. Here is how I linked her to Kevin Bacon:
Constance Binney starred in First Love (1921) with George Webb
George Webb appeared in Too Hot to Handle (1938) with Clark Gable
Clark Gable starred in The Misfits (1961) with Eli Wallach
Eli Wallach had a cameo in Mystic River (2003) which starred:
Kevin Bacon!!
Man I wish it was the mid nineties. You people would be really impressed.

Big Bird TV

An 8'2" yellow bird, star of TV's Sesame Street.

Clint Black Rec

Popular country musician since the late 1980s.

Sidney Blackmer MP

Tony-award winning actor who played Teddy Roosevelt in seven movies and is best remembered for his role in Rosemary's Baby.

Carlyle Blackwell MP

Actor who starred in over 150 films between 1909 and 1930. His last film was called Bedrock. Sadly, it wasn't about Fred Flintstone.

Mel Blanc Radio

One of the greatest cartoon voices ever. He is best known as the voice of Bugs Bunny. Before his work in cartoons he starred in many radio shows including The Jack Benny Show. Sadly that show wasn't about Fred Flintstone either.

Coming soon Vol. B, part 6. Sadly, it won't be about Fred Flintstones.