Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Sweetie's Book Review: Show and Tell
Ahhh, 'show and tell', man, THAT brings back memories from my childhood!
I would bring something in from home and show it to the class and they would all wait until the teacher wasn't looking and then they would put one of my pig tails in an inkwell.
Oh wait, I think that was on the 'Donna Reed Show', you know, I don't actually remember much from my own childhood, but I remember EVERY plotline from 'Leave it to Beaver.'
I am serious, all I can remember growing up was:
wearing a pair of overalls
looking up swear words in the dictionary
and eating an ice cream cone
Well, that is a problem for another day. Today it is a book review! The book is written by Michi Fujimoto. I have never heard of Michi before, but judging by the last name, I bet he is Swedish.
I wasn't able to contact Michi, so instead I got the Hulk to help with the review.
SWEETIE: So, here he is, via telephone, the Hulk.
HULK: Arrggh. Can you hear Hulk? Hulk on receiver! Hulk can't see through phone! Alexander Graham Bell lousy inventor. Grrrrrr!
SWEETIE: Hi, Hulk. So this is a pop up book! Very exciting. On the cover you appear to be scratching your ear.
HULK: Yeah, raaaaarrrrh! Hulk itches bad, need some Gold Bond powder to cut back itch. Arrrrgggh. Why does little boy poke Hulk's nipple with stick on the cover? Why it say 'APPLE 4+7='? AAARRRRRGGH! Apple is not a number! Hulk confused!!!
SWEETIE: Oh, yeah. Me too. Let's open to the first page.
HULK: Grrrrrrgggggaaah! How can Hulk open the book and hold phone receiver. Hulk need cool headset like Britney Spears wears on stage. Hit me baby one more time! Argggggh!
SWEETIE: Hulk, you look a little drunk on this page. Almost like you are about to fall over.
HULK: HULK NOT DRUNK!!!! Argggguhhhuuuhh! Hulk never drink! Hulk have addiction to prescription pain medication.
SWEETIE: I see. So, Derek is the little boy who brought the Hulk in for show and tell. How did he get you to go for show and tell? Why did you agree to that?
HULK: Hulk is mountain of endless rage, Hulk no have capacity for intelligent thought! Hulk was promised cookies!
SWEETIE: On page two Derek introduces you and then you lift up the teacher’s desk. It makes the sound "Brrumm!" I am not sure how that sounds.
HULK: Urgrrrhhh! Derek looks like he is doing DX chop! What happened to X-Pac and Road Dog? Hulk miss ROAD DOG!
SWEETIE: On the next two pages Derek makes you jump over a flagpole and roar at the class. Did you owe this kid money?
HULK: Hey! Why book make Hulk look like he was a pet dog? WHAT NEXT? Boy make Hulk roll over and play dead? HULK FURIOUS. Hulk write angry letter to Ang Lee.
SWEETIE: Ang Lee? The director of the Hulk movie? What does he have to do with this?
HULK: Hulk can't spell Michi Fujimoto so he write to Ang Lee instead.
SWEETIE: Oh, right.
HULK: Are there 6 or 7 L's in Lee?
SWEETIE: Then, the story comes to a close when everyone claps and says you're 'the coolest.'
HULK: Finally, Hulk get respect! Look at little girl in red shirt waving arms in air like she don't care! Arrrrrgh. Look at little Asian boy on the left, he get to boogie with teacher. GRRRR!
SWEETIE: Oh yeah! That's pretty int-
HULK: Don't interrupt Hulk!!! You make Hulk MAD like Mary Kay Louterno teacher! Why is Derek staring at Hulk's butt on this page? Is he mesmerized by Hulk's muscle-bound bottom? Or Hulk's PURPLE PANTS? ARRRRRGGGGHH. Hulk wan't purple to become the new green! Arrregggegggggh!
(NOTE: Hulk continued to ramble on for a few more seconds and then I hung up the phone and hid in the closet.)