Tuesday, January 04, 2005

The Dick Vitale Alarm Clock: It's Awesome Baby!

One of my favorite times of year is the week after Christmas. I think I like it better than Christmas itself.

I can't pinpoint a specific reason; perhaps it is because I am done buying, wrapping or even thinking about other people's gifts. Maybe it's all the leftover food, or the thrill of finding a Christmas program on TV that somehow got held over until AFTER the holiday.

Most of all, it is the joy of actually USING some of my new gifts.

One of the most unique gifts I got this year was the Dick Vitale Alarm Clock.


Born June 9, 1939, in East Rutherford, N.J., Dick is a college basketball analyst famous for his exuberant and outlandish announcing style.

You have probably seen him on TV before; he’s a tall bald guy full of energy. Think of an older Terry Bradshaw hopped up on Pixie Stix.

Dick started his career in NJ coaching at East Rutherford High School and Rutgers University. Then he coached at the University of Detroit from 1973 to 1977, compiling a winning percentage of .722 (78-30).

Today, working for ESPN he has called over a thousand games.

What he called them, I’ll never know!

Now I have to puff a big cigar and wiggle my eyebrows like a vaudeville comic.
Dick is known for his upbeat (or annoying- depending how you look at it) announcing style and his catch phrase ‘It’s awesome, baby.’

The Dick Vitale Alarm Clock retails for $39.99 at places like dickvitaleonline.com, but you can find it much cheaper if you shop around.

In the package, it is about as bizarre as you would expect. It has basketballs for buttons and a large picture of Dick in the center. The words “Press my face BABY!”

If I had a nickel for every old man that said that to me, I could buy enough bottles MD 20/20 to wash away the bad memories. Ahhhhh.

Press him and he shouts several of his ‘alarm’ sayings. Things like:

“I don’t mean maybe, it’s time to get up baby!”

“Shake and bake, it’s time to wake!”

“You need to get up, because you’re a PTPer, a prime time player!”

“Hey this is the Vitallion Stallion tell you to rise and shine!”

I’m not kidding! He really says that he’s the Vitallion Stallion.

I tried the clock out the other day and I was stunned. It is actually a REALLY GOOD alarm clock. The front of the clock looks like a scoreboard with two digital readouts on it. The top one tells you the time, the bottom tells you what time the alarm is set for. This may not sound like a necessary feature, but if you wake at different times everyday, it make it easy to know how much sleep you have left when you wake in the middle of the night.

To set the alarm, you simply press the alarm button once and then set the hour and minute. Most alarm clocks I had before required you to HOLD the alarm button with one finger and set the time with another finger. Half the time my fingers would slip and I would end up changing the TIME setting. I always felt like a drunken midget trying to type a suicide note with the buttons on my old alarm clock, but the giant basketball shaped buttons prevent that feeling with the new clock.

One final cool feature is the ‘two minute warning.’ Two minutes before the scheduled time, Dick shouts ‘its two minutes to tip off’ three times.

Sleep for two more minutes and you are awakened by an announcer saying “Mr. Dick Vitale” after that Dick delivers one of his catch phrases. This repeats until you either turn it off or hit his face.

Yes, his face is the snooze button.

It also has a mini decorative basketball hoop attached. It serves no purpose, but I used it to allow my Barbies- er… uh.. my GI Joes to slam dunk.

I love my Dick Vitale Alarm Clock; I hope to wake up with Dick Vitale for many, many years.


  1. Anonymous1/04/2005

    Ugh! Please, NEVER mention Dick V again!!!

  2. I've always wanted to wake up next to the Vatillion Stallion and now I can for under 40 dollars. It is a happy new year indeed!

  3. Anonymous1/07/2005

    Hey Hon,
    I am glad to see your site has come so far. I think this one is so funny! I like the jokes about drinking away the bad memories. 

    Posted by Stephanie M.

  4. Anonymous1/07/2005

    I love this clock! I want to see this in person. I will have to go shopping.

    I wonder what kind of store sells tacky alarm clocks. 

    Posted by Racoon Jack

  5. Anonymous1/07/2005

    I love the joke about the barbies. Quality stuff, brutha! 

    Posted by The Taco Kid

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