Mocking the List: Play It Safe

Take a look at that brochure!
Take a look at that drawing of a bear on a raft!
Take a look at my thumb!

This is the rules section of a brochure for a water park called "Splash Down." They say to "play it safe" and so I figured we could "play a game."

Ugh. That was one of those sentences that sounded better in my head. Plus, this was supposed to be a list, not a game.

Anyway, I have taken the brochure and blocked out key words. Now you get to fill in the blanks. It’s actually more of a quiz than a game. Now that sentence is even dumber.

Here we go:

1. Splash Down is supervised by certified pool operators and all staff is trained in _________.
A) park safety, B) liquid safety awareness or C) The dark ways of Satan

2. Water treatment is the highest standard for _______.
A) water parks, B) municipal standards or C) John Goodman's bathtub

3. Parent/Guardian MUST read posted signs and instruct their children to follow all ________.
A) rules, B) instructions or C) strange men to their cars when offered candy

4. Children who cannot swim MUST be accompanied by an adult while using the _______.
A) activities, B) water slide or C) the 'throw hair dryers in the pool' attraction

5. Children using diapers MUST have _________.
A) proper bathing attire, B) waterproof shorts or C) a permission slip from their toilet

6. Use good personal hygiene in or around ________.
A) water, B) Splash Down or C) EVERYTHING YOU FILTHY SLOB

7. Refrain from going in the water when __________.
A) ill, B) full or C) carrying a bucket of herpes infected eels

8. No running or _______.
A) diving, B) carrying scissors or C) laughing at lame jokes about this list on a website


The answer for everything is “A” (I think. I blocked out the words without writing them down first.)