Friday, July 29, 2005

Mocking the List: Play It Safe

Take a look at that brochure!
Take a look at that drawing of a bear on a raft!
Take a look at my thumb!

This is the rules section of a brochure for a water park called "Splash Down." They say to "play it safe" and so I figured we could "play a game."

Ugh. That was one of those sentences that sounded better in my head. Plus, this was supposed to be a list, not a game.

Anyway, I have taken the brochure and blocked out key words. Now you get to fill in the blanks. It’s actually more of a quiz than a game. Now that sentence is even dumber.

Here we go:

1. Splash Down is supervised by certified pool operators and all staff is trained in _________.
A) park safety, B) liquid safety awareness or C) The dark ways of Satan

2. Water treatment is the highest standard for _______.
A) water parks, B) municipal standards or C) John Goodman's bathtub

3. Parent/Guardian MUST read posted signs and instruct their children to follow all ________.
A) rules, B) instructions or C) strange men to their cars when offered candy

4. Children who cannot swim MUST be accompanied by an adult while using the _______.
A) activities, B) water slide or C) the 'throw hair dryers in the pool' attraction

5. Children using diapers MUST have _________.
A) proper bathing attire, B) waterproof shorts or C) a permission slip from their toilet

6. Use good personal hygiene in or around ________.
A) water, B) Splash Down or C) EVERYTHING YOU FILTHY SLOB

7. Refrain from going in the water when __________.
A) ill, B) full or C) carrying a bucket of herpes infected eels

8. No running or _______.
A) diving, B) carrying scissors or C) laughing at lame jokes about this list on a website


The answer for everything is “A” (I think. I blocked out the words without writing them down first.)

5 comments:

  1. I find it a little gross that they say "using" diapers rather than "wearing" diapers. Maybe its just me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here are my results:

    Splash Down is supervised by certified pool operators and all staff is trained in the deadly arts.

    Water treatment is of the highest standard for Dasani bottled water.

    Parent/Guardian MUST read posted signs and instruct their children to follow all the other children jumping off the cliff.

    Children who cannot swim MUST be accompanied by an adult while using the bathroom.

    Children using diapers MUST have not been potty trained.

    Use good personal hygiene in or around obsessive-compulsive germaphobes.

    Refrain from going in the water when the pool is drained.

    No running or else.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sluggo7/29/2005

    A,B,A,C,Ewww,A,C,C

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bad Poster7/29/2005

    Your thumb is in the photo. You should mention that.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The thumb is cute, but it looks like you have been biting your nails (shakes head disaprovingly.)

    ReplyDelete