Friday, January 28, 2005
It seems the H. B. Reese Candy Company has a little too much time on its hands. For many years they sold a delicious peanut butter and chocolate cup. Then they offered a different product featuring peanut butter inside a small candy shell. For many years, this was enough.
However, lately the company has spiraled rapidly into some schizophrenic candy machine producing new products at a rate so high that there will soon be a different type of candy for every man, woman and child on earth.
Right now, they have scientists coating every kind of meat, cheese and carpet fiber with peanut butter in hopes of continuing their world domination.
And it started so slowly. A few years back they came up with the Nutrageous bar (the candy bar, not the male strip joint Elton John hung out in during the 80’s.) Its name conveyed the shock that people have upon encountering a new candy bar.
MAN ONE: Hey, wanna try this new candy? It has chocolate and peanuts.
MAN TWO: What are you doing in my home, you stranger?!?!?! This is an outrage!
MAN ONE: No, it’s a nut-rage.
MAN TWO: That’s a stupid name.
So, the world gradually accepted Nutrageous. Then, they mounted their second attack: a full scale roll out of enough kinds of peanut butter cups to make all of Pittsburgh diabetic just from smelling the sugar.
All this from a small company that started in the 1920s. The company was founded by Harry Burnett (H.B.) Reese, a former employee of Milton S. Hershey, founder of Hershey. Reese was so inspired by Mr. Hershey's success that he decided to make his own living in the candy industry.
The candy became more popular during the 1940s and was well recognized due to its orange and yellow package.
In 1963, the H.B. Reese Candy Company, Inc. was sold for $23.5 million to the Hershey Chocolate Company, creating a monopoly strong enough to topple any nation that opposed them.
1917: Harry Burnett Reese moves to Hershey, Pennsylvania.
1957: Reese builds 100,000 square-foot factory in Hershey.
1963: Hershey purchases H.B. Reese Candy Company.
1978: Reese’s Pieces are introduced
1994: Nutrageous makes its debut
1999: ReeseSticks, a wafer, peanut butter and chocolate is introduced
2001: Reese Fast Break becomes the newest member of the candy family
2003: Hershey introduces Limited Edition White Chocolate, Dark Chocolate, Inside Out and Big Cup peanut butter cups.
2004: An Extra Smooth and Creamy variety of Reese’s peanut butter cups is unveiled
2005: Reese’s Fudge, yet another peanut butter cup is released
2007: (projected) A humanoid peanut butter cup is introduced
2009: (projected) Training on the ‘master race’ of peanut butter cup soldiers begins
2012: (projected) The end of the human race
2014: (scheduled) Tupac Shakur releases another posthumous CD.