Chasing the blues away

What happened to all the good car chases?

Is it just me or is something missing on TV these days? A major staple on the tub is MIA, and it's not just that mean British lady from “The Weakest Link.”

Car chases.

Heck, just a good old fashioned car show would be great.


Remember in the 1980s every show had a car starring in it!

“Knight Rider” was probably the ultimate car show. KITT the talking car was as big a star as David Hasselhoff in every country except Germany. Of course in Germany, Hasselhoff’s mug appears on currency and the official flag.

Here is a transcript of the famous German talk show “Stuccum Chiekel”:

GERMAN MAN: Gutentag herr!
OTHER GERMAN MAN: Die etunder mistonde uster Hasselhoff.
GERMAN SHEPHERD: Woof!
GERMAN MAN: Des woof en Hasselhoff! Woof iz Hasselhoff!
OTHER GERMAN SHEPARD: Hey guys.
GERMAN SHEPARD: Woof!
OTHER GERMAN SHEPARD: Oh, in case you are wondering I am not a dog. I am real Shepard, the kind that tends to sheep.

KITT’s predecessor, The General Lee, was maybe even MORE. The General Lee was the orange Dodge Charger from “The Dukes of Hazzard. “

According to the “E! True Hollywood Story,” the General Lee got more fan mail than ANY of the shows human stars.

I find this hard to believe because I PERSONALLY sent a weekly fan letter to Boss Hogg. I also sent him a ham at Christmas time and on April Fools Day I would send him the following letter:

Dear Boss Hogg,
I am a big fan; I loved you in “Charlotte’s Web.” I thought your performance as Wilbur was awesome! I have just one question, what was the deal with Templeton? Was he supposed to be gay or what?
Your #1 fan,
Guy Hutchinson
P.S. APRIL FOOLS! I know that Wilbur was an actual pig, and you are just a fat guy! Have a great day.

Still, if you can’t trust the “E! True Hollywood Story,” who can you trust?
Even shows that did not STAR a car had a famous car and would use it in lots in chase after chase. Some of the best car chase shows focused on police officers. “T.J. Hooker," "CHiPs" and "Miami Vice" were all great shows BECAUSE of the car chases.

One of the best reasons to watch “Miami Vice” was the Ferrari Daytona Spider. It was such a cool car that it made every scene it was in even more exciting. Could you have imagined Crockett and Tubbs riding around in a Plymouth Duster? How about an AMC Gremlin? What if they were cruising in a LeCar?

That would have been awful.

Or imagine this: what if, instead being cops, they were traveling chiropractors and instead of wearing t-shirts under suit jackets, they wore t-shirts OVER their suit jackets.

That would have actually been pretty cool.

Take a look at the “A-Team,” every single episode would involve at least one high speed chase with the famous GMC Van. There would be entire episodes where the whole plot involved the van and what B.A. (Mr. T) would do to anyone who touched it.

Plus there was an episode where Murdock went on “Wheel of Fortune” and won a car. I am not sure how that ties in, but I loved that episode.

Magnum PI’s Ferrari was one of the coolest cars on TV, and I don’t mind saying that I asked people to call me GUY PI all through kindergarten just because I wanted to have that car.

And I wanted that mustache, but that wasn’t allowed. The kindergarten teacher insisted I shave before class.

In conclusion, I wish that “CSI” would have some car chases. I wish that “Desperate Housewives” would have a scene where Teri Hatcher is chasing bad guys screaming “nobody better touch my van!”

I also wish Boss Hogg would write back.