Wednesday, January 12, 2005

It’s in their Genes

Gene isn’t a very common name anymore. It’s a shame, because it is a good name with such a rich history.
Usually short for Eugene, the name was more common in years past. This is why so many entertainment legends share this moniker.
Let us take a look at some of the greatest.

10. Gene Simmons: Best known as the co-founder of the rock band Kiss. Simmons was born Chaim Witz in Israel but changed his name as a youth after arriving in the US. He actually spent a few months teaching forth grade before he embarked on a music career. Kiss was known for their outrageous stage antics and bizarre wardrobe and makeup. The also made the two letter “s”s look like backwards “z”s when they spelled Kiss. This is because the letter Z is cool and cutting edge while the letter S is wimpy and old fashioned.
Here is Gene Simmons’ chart for letter coolness:
A= Uncool
B= Slightly cool, but only in cursive
C= Even though it is the first letter in the word ‘cool’ it is not cool
D= Very cool
E= Can be cool if it is written at an angle
F= Always cool
G= Not cool at all
H= I hate the H! He is so uncool
I= Neutral
J= Very cool! Like an I that is taunting the sky
K= The coolest of them all. I would spell cool with a K, but that’s a brand of cigarettes, so I would be confused
L= Nerd
M= Very cool
N= Not as cool as M
O= neutral
P= Cool, but only in uppercase
Q= Most cool of all letters, except K
R= Looks like a K that had to wear glasses. Definitely not cool
S= wimpy and uncool
T= Cool
U= U is for uncool
V= Like a cool U. I like V
W= Like a double cool V
X= X marks the spot- the spot where Coolville is located
Y= Not cool, ruins the very cool set of letters at the end of the alphabet
Z= Awesome
&= The 27th letter of the alphabet. I created this letter. It is pronounced “LUM” it is the coolest of them all

9. Gene Siskel: Man, how I miss him! Gene was one half of the Siskel and Ebert movie review team. The new team of Ebert and Roper is awful. I would have preferred if it was Roger Ebert and Mr. Roper from Three’s Company. That would have been good. Than Mr. Roper could have called every movie ‘fruity’ except for old people stuff. I would have liked that.

8. Mean Gene Okerlund: Famed WWF personality, Mene Gene has been out of the spotlight for most of this decade. Still, I smile whenever I think of him crooning Tutti Frutti or Rock and Roll Hochie Coo on the first two WWF albums.

7. Gene Shalit: Movie reviewer. I only put him here because of his mustache. Let that be a lesson to you kids out there: the bigger your mustache, the better you will be.

6. Gene Rayburn: Hosted Match Game where he used a bizarre skinny microphone. Lesson #2 kids, skinny microphone tops big mustache any day. Too bad there were no Genes with both.

5. Gene Roddenberry: The man behind Star Trek (that’s the one with the guy with the big ears, not the one with the gold robot) Gene Roddenberry was a WWII combat veteran who became a television writer. Gene died in 1991, but, in 1997 his ashes were shot into space on a research satellite, orbiting the earth.

4. Gene Kelly: Considered the Marlon Brando of dancers. I have no idea what that means. He wasn’t fat; maybe he was just difficult on the set like Brando. Either way, in Anchor’s Aweigh he danced with Jerry the Mouse. As a side note, Jerry was their second choice. Walt Disney would not let MGM use their first choice, Mickey Mouse.

3. Gene Wilder: Actor. Did not star in Van Wilder.

2. Gene Hackman: One of the most prolific actors working today, Gene has appeared in over 80 films. His films cover every imaginable genre and he is always a tremendous presence. He was the first choice to play Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch and he turned down Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Unfortunately, he accepted The Mexican, The Quick and The Dead and Superman IV.

1. Gene Autry: Known as 'America's Favorite Singing Cowboy', Gene has the most stars on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. He has one each for radio, records, film, television and live theatrical performance. At the height of his fame, he was regarded as one of the biggest stars in the world.
He starred in nearly 100 films (mostly westerns), wrote over 200 songs and was once the owner of the California Angels. Today, the AUTRY MUSEUM OF WESTERN HERITAGE in Los Angeles greets thousands of visitors each week where they learn about the cowboy lifestyle he loved so much.

Who was your favorite Gene?


  1. Anonymous1/12/2005

    come on! You couldn't have ranked Simmons higher? He rocks!

    and what about Gene Wilder, why didn't you mention willi wonka? I thought that would be you kind of flick! 

    Posted by hatmatt71

  2. Anonymous1/12/2005

    My Mom thinks I'm cool. 

    Posted by The Letter "L"

  3. Anonymous1/12/2005

    Good stuff, especially the Alphabet. 

    Posted by ...BANE

  4. Anonymous1/12/2005

    Gene Hackman is so cool lists rank him!! 

    Posted by Gene O' Hack

  5. Anonymous1/12/2005

    Smitty D was so excited to be mentioned on this Web Site he wanted to "blank" on the site! 

    Posted by The Ghost of Gene Rayburn

  6. Anonymous1/12/2005

    Smitty D was so excited to be mentioned on Bunch O Junk he wanted to *post* on the site 

    Posted by The Ghost of George Gaynes

  7. Anonymous1/12/2005

    How could you forget "Gene, Gene, The Dancing Machine" from "The Gong Show". Truly one of the all-time great Genes. 

    Posted by Mr. Freeze

  8. Anonymous1/12/2005

    Great article. I think Gene Hackman may be a bit overrated here, especially above Gene Rayburn. In addition to Match Game, he had a few stellar appearances on Love Boat. Can you really compare French Connection and Poseidon Adventure to that!!!

    Also, I have a question, is Gene Gene the Dancing Machine the same as Gene Kelly?  

    Posted by T-_Bone

  9. Anonymous1/12/2005

    Good point T-Bone, Hackman should not have made #2 perhaps he could have been #10 behind Gene Simmons. That would be more appropriate. 

    Posted by a guy who believes Hackman is overrated

  10. Anonymous1/12/2005

    Are you both NUTS! Gene Hackman should have been #1! This whole list was a sham! 

    Posted by a guy who believe's Hackman is underrated

  11. Anonymous1/12/2005

    I disagree with all three of you. #2 is a proper spot for Gene Hackman. 

    Posted by a guy who believe's Hackman is properly rated

  12. Anonymous1/12/2005

    Hello commentors.
    Good to see the Ghost of Gene Rayburn.
    As for Gene Gene The Dancing Machine, the overweight dancer from the Gong Show, sadly he could not make the list. It was hard to have TWO dancers on the list.
    Yes, T-Bone, in theory Gene Kelly was ALSO a dancing machine, but he wasn't THE dancing machine.
    As for Hackman, I must admit I am a bit biased. I even liked Superman IV and The Quick and The Dead. 

    Posted by Sweetie Guy Hutchinson

  13. Anonymous1/12/2005

    What the Hell is this? another Damn Gene Poll....I prefer Levi's over my Dickie Brand Genes!!! Who took my wheatena? 

    Posted by ip yearly