Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Alone on the internet (AKA It is very cold in cyberspace)

No one ever reads this webpage. Really, they don't. I don't have to tell you, because you're not there. Nope, I am alone. Like Vincent Price in Last Man On Earth, or like that one guy who went to see Last Days Of Disco in the theater. No one else is in earshot.

I checked this page's hit counter last night. It was at negative 2. I didn't even know you could have a negative number. I asked the provider how this could be possible and he said two people wandered into this site by accident an notified him to make sure nobody mistook that for actual web traffic. For good measure, he took the counter down an extra two just in case.

So I am alone. At first I was sad. Then, I realized how liberating this is! Why bother to use punctuation or coherent sentence structure. I will just let it fly! Here goes:

shrek2

i saw shrek 2 its good i like the cat with the boots he is funny he tried to eat a mous and shek said stop hahaha
the movie starts right arfter the other shrek i am glad they called this one shrek 2 too many moviees have stupid titles like laura crokt tombradidere cradele of life that is too long or teen wolf too that is stupid
i hear that justin bateman really is a wolf and he cant read or write
well i guess i cant blame him for avoiding this webpage
so anyway shrek and fiona are married fiona was a hot chick that turned into a green ogre like shrek her parents are humans and british shrek seems to be scottish puss in boots is spanish this movie is a real meltingpot
so the king wants prince sharming to marry his daughter
shrek feels bad so he takes a potion that turns him into fred flintstone the talking donkey takes the potion and he turns into a horse
there was a little kid in the theater who kept running up and down the aisles saying shrek rules and donkey drools the kid seemed stupid but donkey s do in fact drool
bye bye

5 comments:

  1. In yet another crushing blow to my ego, I am coonsidered "no one." Oh well, it's not the first time...
    Thanks for the write up on Shrek 2. It was clear, concise and didn't contain any real "spoilers."
    Oh, btw, this post title reads so much better if you pretend to be Kahn from ST 2 while reading it aloud.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You think that is fun try reading the Gettysburg Address as Kahn:

    Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.

    Now try it as Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    ReplyDelete
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