Thursday, May 20, 2004

Abe Lincoln: a man and his BEARD

I love Abe. He is one of the most famous men that has ever lived. He freed the slaves. He remains one of our most beloved presidents (and during his presidency he was one of the least popular.)

Abe was a fascinating man, working on a farm, and as a rail splitter. He had four children with his wife Mary Todd. Mary Todd, you may know, was crazy! Certifiably insane! Cuckoo for Coco Puffs! A few fries short of a Happy Meal! A few tacos short of a... uh... I got nothing, sorry.

Anyway, Abe was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth. Booth was a well respected actor who had performed before the president. To put this in perspective, this was like Jack Black coming after a world leader with a sawed off shotgun. It is, like many things associated with Abe, fascinating.

This brings me to my point. Ask anyone to describe Abe Lincoln and the answer will undoubtedly include "beard without a moustache". One of the most accomplished men that have ever lived and his whole life can be diluted into a facial hair style.
Any time you ever see a man with a beard and no moustache that is exactly who you think of. He could be 400 pounds and wearing a chicken suit and people would still think he looks like Abe. Even better, a woman could have a beard and no moustache and people would say 'look at the Abe beard' before they said 'Hey! That's a lady with a beard!'

Abe is perhaps the most iconic person in American history. It's a safe bet that if a man dressed as Abe Lincoln was walking down the street next to a naked supermodel, people would talk about that day for the rest of their natural lives. And, it's an even safer bet that they would say 'Guess who was walking down the street next to a naked supermodel? A guy with an Abe Lincoln beard!'

Yes, Abe and his beard have changed the world. I assume that the beard with no moustache was very popular in Abe's day, today is rarely seen. People that do have that beard are constantly annoyed by people making comparisons to Abe.
Only one other man has ever wielded the power to destroy a facial hair style. Hitler. Yes, before Hitler, the little moustache was one of the most popular styles of moustache (right behind 'handle bar' and 'hold a pencil under my nose and pretend it is a moustache'). Even Charlie Chaplin had a little moustache, but with a slip of the razor, Hitler rendered his moustache obsolete. Abe did the same for the beard with no moustache. It still lives on, but will always be linked to Abe.

In fabulous Disneyland California, there remains a wonderful show called Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln. In this show you enjoy 3D audio and see an animatronic beard. AN ANIMATRONIC BEARD.
The show tells the story of a young soldier who is off to meet Lincoln; you get to experience his story in first person. You experience his life from when he gets his hair cut to when he gets shot. It is really cool.
Then the curtain opens and out steps Abe. Abe stands before you and speaks. It is really breathtaking. If only a naked supermodel was next to him.

To learn more about Abe Lincoln, visit your local library.

55 comments:

  1. In order to make this topic seem excting, I am going to post on it like a crazy man!

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  2. In Robin Hood: Men In Tights there was a great Abe joke. He said "Hey Blinkin" and Blinkin said "Abe Lincoln?" but then he responded "no, hey Blinkin"

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  3. I liked the end of Logan's Run where they see the Lincoln Memorial. Spoooky!

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  4. OH SPOILER ALERT! Don't read that last post if you didn't see Logan's Run.

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  5. In Walt Disney World they have the "Hall Of Presidents". It is like "Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln" only with all the U.S. Presidents. I would have preferred a "Hall Of Abes."

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  6. Hall of Abes! Hahahaha! I can picture it now:
    Abe: Would you like to speak now?
    Abe2: After you Abe.
    Abe3: After me? I didn't know I had to speak! I have nothing prepared.
    Abe2: Not you, the other Abe.
    Abe3: Oh!

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  7. Wait "Hall of Abes?" That reminds me of a sitcom called "Oh That Abe!" wasn't that on FOX?

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  8. On Muppet Babies they had a sketch where they went to Washington D.C. and saw the Lincoln Memorial. They looked at it and said "Wow! He must have been the tallest president ever."
    That was because they assumed the statue was actual size!
    Muppet Babies are idiots.

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  9. On SMURFS there was an episode where Gargamel realized that all genuises had beards. Then he grows one and it gets out of control.
    Wizards are idiots.

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  10. Remember when Al Gore had a beard?

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  11. Paul Simon did a song called 'You Can Call Me Al.' If I ever see him I will call him Al.
    Chevy Chase is an idiot.

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  12. Grizzly Addams did have a beard!

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  13. I saw a Dexter's Lab called 'Beard To Be Feared.'

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  14. Imagine being Abe Lincoln Jr. That would rock.

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  15. What if Abe was fat cowboy and someone was patting his belly? That would be good.

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  16. How about if the movie Babe was about a pig with a beard and no moustache and they called it Abe. That would be great.

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  17. Good god! I just found a penny with a picture of Abe on it?

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  18. How about in Wayne's World when they say "Babraham Lincoln."

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  19. How about in Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure when they talk about Abe at the Hall Of Presidents.

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  20. Does anyone have any DVD's of John Wilkes Booth's movies?

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  21. You dunce, they didn't have DVD back then. They had, like, Beta or something.

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  22. Duh, they convert them to DVD.

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  23. In Myrtle Beach SC I saw a wax museum with statues of Lincoln, Washington, Reagan, and Carter. They were all signing the Declaration of Independence with Bic pens. True story.

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  24. I saw Steven Baldwin sign a picture of Alec Baldwin with a bic pen. True story.

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  25. There is a film called Tennesee Johnson about the life of Andrew Johnson. In it John Wilkes Booth sends him a post card and he tosses it aside saying. "John Wilkes Booth? Probably just some publicity seeker." Van Heflin starred in the film.

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  26. In fabulous Hollywood California, Van Heflin's handprints are at the Chinese Theater.

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  27. In fabulous Santa Monica California I met the author and illustrator of a comic book called 'They Call Me Abe'. It was a comic about a superhero named Abe.

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  28. I used to have a goatee and this one guy called me "Abe Lincoln of the ninetys." He was an idiot.

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  29. Is 'Hold a pencil under your nose and pretend it is a moustache' still in? I like to do that.

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  30. When the Government shut down a few years ago people climbed up on top of Abe's lap at the Lincoln Memorial to take pictures.

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  31. I like the photo of Abe without a beard. Ever see that?

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  32. Clean shaven Abe! I love that photo. Sometimes I will look at that and a bearded photo side by side and say "Beard... No Beard... Beard... No Beard..."

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  33. On Conan once they had Dr. Joyce Brothers. They had a game called "What wouldn't Dr. Joyce Brothers do?" They had her eat paint and sit on a cake. Then they asked her to kiss "Abe Lincoln."
    Then Lincoln refused the kiss and they started a new game called "What wouldn't Lincoln do?"

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  34. You had the Abe inside of you!

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  35. Honest Abe was an ironic nickname, since he was a lying bastard.

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  36. Why do you call him a lying bastard?

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  37. That whole thing about being in Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure. He lied, he wasn't in that, he was in Bogus Journey.

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  38. I doubt that is true. Alex Winter was in Bogus Journey.

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  39. Abe Lincoln has a page on the IMDB:
    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1118823/

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  40. There is an Indian director named Abraham Lincoln as well. Here is his page:
    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1338144/

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  41. Hey, there are DVD'd listed under Abe's name. I thought you said they weren't around in his time?

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  42. We were talking about John Wilkes Booth, Donnie. You are like a child that walks in during the middle of the movie.

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  43. I like beards, but nothing beats a good pair of Mutton Chop sideburns.

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  44. Sideburns were named after US Major General Ambrose Everett Burnside.

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  45. I wish we called them burn sides.

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  46. Well, I have done my job! Peace out!

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  47. Anonymous1/06/2005

    I commend you for your fine posting! 

    Posted by Abe himself

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