Friday, March 17, 2006

The Cotton Anniversary on eBay

Last year I did an article that opened with the following paragraphs:
Everyone knows that the 25th anniversary is the "silver" anniversary. This means you should give a gift made of silver if you are celebrating someone's anniversary on that day.
Interestingly enough there are materials associated with every anniversary from 1-100.
100 seems like a bit much. If you were married at 20, you would have to live to 120 to get that gift. That has to be the rarest of them all. Perhaps that’s the "lock of Bigfoot's hair" anniversary.
Anyway, the first anniversary is called the "paper anniversary." Since is one year old this month I decided to do some shopping on eBay.

I ended the article with this thought:
Well, those are some of the gifts I could have gotten for this milestone. I honestly don't want any of them. I would prefer to get gifts for the SECOND ANNIVERSARY. I don't know what material is associated with that, but I hope its ham.

Sadly, I found out that it is not ham. But the second anniversary is still pretty fun. It's the COTTON anniversary.

Here is what you can but on eBay with the keyword "cotton":

A racist, cotton apron:
That's not the actual title, but what else could ya call it? For just $2.99 you can cook your chicken pot pie's while wearing a smock emblazoned with a cartoon of a "headhunter" cooking and "explorer."
The headhunter likes his explorer "well done" but the explorer wants to be "rare."
If only it was 1920, we'd all be laughing. Plus, a penny would buy us all the candy in town.
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Offend your guests with you apron, but not with your food.

Cotton dust mop head:
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Sure, there's nothing funny about a dust mop head. It's pretty damned dull. But, it's not racist. I commend you, dust mop head, for your progressive attitude.

Formal white cotton gloves:
Oh, these are awesome! Check 'em out!
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These would be so cool to wear. Whenever someone speaks to you in a sassy tone you could take them off and smack the offender with them.
Or you could wear one and say "look I'm Micheal Jackson." Then you could remind them that Micheal Jackson wore one glove many years ago. They might laugh.
If they don't you can smack 'em!

A cotton ham sack:
No kidding! It's a sack especially designed for HAM!
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Wow! I think I found the perfect anniversary gift!

Does eBay do gift registry?