To celebrate we have some special features all week (kinda like last year.) so check back daily for new stuff. Plus I am making a cake. You can't have any, though. You're probably better off.
YEAR TWO OF BUNCHOJUNK.COM BY THE NUMBERS:
Number of words: 189,357
Number of articles: 216
Times the word “the” appeared: 17,788
Times the word “Hollywood” appeared: 211
Number of poems about Kelly Ripa: 1
Number of times I mentioned that "Full House" & "Dukes of Hazard" have an "Uncle Jesse": 2
Number of articles about Tom Bosley films: 2
Times the concept of "glow in the dark bacon" was mentioned: 1
Number of unnecessary links to other posts: 101
Make sure to check back tommorow. I will be posting comments all week.
Thanks again for stopping by for the past year!
Be sure to sign the guest book (post a comment.)
Thanks again for stopping by all year. It really means something to know so many other people are reading this stuff. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed typing it.
ReplyDeleteBTW, we had 70 comments last year! Let's try and top that. Just type "lol" every few hours if you have nothing to add.
lol (just practicing for later.)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I decided to post ALL FOUR of the anniversary articles at once. Now you can read 'em all now and post comments all week.
ReplyDeleteIt's a win-win situation.
Keep your tounge outta my cheek.
ReplyDeleteSorry I have been away for so long. I have been washing the hands of dead people. And watching March Maddness. It's addictive.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, congrats!
Well, nothing says celebration like a good hot dog.
ReplyDeleteHot dogs, get your hot dogs here!
Sweetie -
ReplyDeleteI am hard at work on a treatment for my new film - "The Life of Sweetie". I will post it when I am finished.
This treatment is a work in progress. Hopefully, I will get to post it in the entirety during this week…
ReplyDeleteTitle sequence – Shots of Sweetie growing up. This film will be funny, lively and pretty enjoyable. It will be a comedy is built around the central plot with lots of nice touches and characters that are genuinely funny, such Mr. Morgan and the erotic drama writing headmistress. The jokes happily never stoop to the gross-out type and this helps it feel fresh and lively, rather than just scrapping the bottom of the barrel.
Screen fades and opens up to a shot of a high school -
On his first day at a new school, Sweetie falls for Bianca Stratford. However not only is she popular and beautiful but her father has forbidden her to date until her older sister does too. The problem is her sister, Kat, is negative, bad tempered and unfriendly and certainly undateable. Sweetie seeks the services of school bad boy Pat who he arranges to be paid to date Kat and thus allow him to go out with Bianca - but things never go smoothly when it comes to love.
Second scene – Sweetie in his car on a road trip. Starts with a voice over (I am thinking James Earl Jones) “Sweetie is an avid movie fan and pretty much likes all the studios, per se. But he believes the treasure of them all is the MGM studio. It is very near and dear to his heart and he is deeply saddened that MGM is no longer around. Sweetie is on a quest to honor the lion and pay his respects at his grave.”
Interior of Sweetie’s car, Sweetie talking to the audience “You see, The original MGM lion lies in an unmarked grave in NJ when it really should be enshrined as the one that adorns MGM Las Vegas…” During the trip Sweetie get distracted and ends up visiting Lucy the Elephant instead.
Third scene – Sweetie in a movie theater – voice over (I am thinking Gene Hackman) – “It really bugs me when some lame piece of tripe like this, under the guise of 'art' gets puked up on a screen before me. Pretentious nonsense like this which pretends to be insightful and intelligent tends to ruin the reputation of the few good 'artsy' films that manage to get made. My only hope is that they put MST3K back on the air, so if anybody ever has to suffer through this pain parade can at least have a somewhat enjoyable time.”
For the next ten minutes of the film we watch Sweetie watch a movie. Maybe Star Wars with the live action, PDA loosing light saber thing going on… if not it will be the new Shaggy Dog and Sweetie will be sitting with Tim Allen. Not the current Tim Allen but the drug dealing 1976 mustached Tim Allen.
Fourth scene – an interview with Director Jane Campion. I am thinking of Weird Al doing the interview or maybe Ali G.…
Question: “You once said in an interview that while you was writing "The Piano" dat you thought that before you be making such an adult film like that y’all would make a smaller and more personal film. Is dis da truthf?
Answer: “Yes, "Sweetie" is my most personal film and it’s about two sisters and a guy named Sweetie. The film starts out about Kay (Karen Colston) who is a shy and somewhat dysfunctional woman who has her tea leaves read and is told to look for signs of love and see's them in her friends fiancé'. Somehow she manages to convince him to leave his fiancé' and become her boyfriend. Later in the film as the two live together (But no sex!) Kay’s sister Dawn (Genevieve Lemon) drops in and creates all sorts of havoc. Dawn (AKA Sweetie) is also dysfunctional but mentally ill.”
Question: “I thought you said this film be about a guy named Sweetie. This sound like a different film. What do you have to say about that?”
Answer: “Listen – talk to the casting director. I was just looking for work.”
Interview abruptly ends.
Overall the audience will be taken by surprise as to how funny and lively this film will be. It will not sink to the gross out comedy of so many teen movies and have characters and actors who brought spark and energy to the screen. It may be predictable but it works and the jokes and side characters just add to the sense of fun. This film will be brilliant when compared to the mediocre bunch of teen comedies you COULD watch!
LOL
ReplyDeleteI miscounted before...
ReplyDeleteLOL
Da Bomb, that is one of the greatest things I have ever read. I am especially happy to see that the MGM lion is mentioned. He is buried next to Cheetah from the Tarzan flicks, I am told.
ReplyDeleteFifth Scene – In this scene we join Sweetie later in life during a comeback tour. We join Sweetie on the tour bus. This section will be documentary style…
ReplyDeleteSweetie seems so honest and serious that the slightest joke gets a huge laugh. We follow him together with a documentary filmmaker, played by director Rob Reiner, on a tour that must make sure that Sweetie will have a comeback. We see some of his shows where things go wrong, we see how Sweetie argues with Rob Riener about the cover of their album, and we see how a girlfriend almost destroys the comeback.
Sixth Scene – Flashback Sequence. We join Sweetie in his common life in the first century -
This scene will be by far the best outing of the film. Sweetie takes on Christianity in this scene, however it is actually a take on cults, both religious and political, and the people who follow them.
Sweetie, our hapless hero, is confused and constantly mistaken for the Messiah; who just happened to be born in the manger next to him. Sweetie just wants to be left alone, and to pursue his love for Judith, a member of the People's Front of Judea. Judith just wants the Romans to go home; but only after they've left the sanitation, the medicine, education, irrigation, roads, public order, etc., etc. ... oh and don't forget the wine!
Will Sweetie's love for Judith go unrequited? Will only the cheese makers be blessed, or does this refer to all manufacturers of dairy products? And just what have the Romans ever done for us?
Seventh Scene – This scene starts where it ends, with Bitsey's car breaking down and her running along the road. We then go back 4 days and work our way forward to the beginning or the end (depending on your point of view).
Bitsey is a reporter who is given and exclusive interview with Sweetie who is on 'Death Row' for murder. He has been convicted of the murder of Constance Harraway, a fellow Bunchojunk activist. Bitsey believes that Sweetie is guilty. However, whilst listening to Sweetie's story she is convinced that he is innocent.
We hear the tale of how Sweetie's life has unwound. He ends up with a dead end job working as a retail manager. This scene will end with Sweetie slumped over his computer, having fallen asleep writing an article for Bunchojunk. As he wakes up the audience becomes aware that the last two scenes are dream sequences. Sweetie addresses the audience and swears never to eat pork that has been left out on the counter again – especially glow in the dark bacon…
Hold it. According to the festivities from last year bunchojunk.com was born on May 17th. Are we to believe that websites age a whole year in only 10 months? Unlikely.
ReplyDeleteI'll let you off with a warning this time, but I'm watching you.
Congratulations, on another year.
ReplyDeleteLooking at the comments from last year I'm glad at least one of my wishes came true. Here's to another year of junk. I'm still waiting on that cupcake though.
Sorry, Anniversary Police. I will consider myself warned.
ReplyDeleteWait 'till you see what we do on May 17th.
Oh, you think you are so big with your fake anniversary. You won't be so big after Don Muracco drops an elbow on you. FUJI STYLE!
ReplyDeleteI like that apron on eBay.
ReplyDeleteRacist apron? Does that come with a bigot wash cloth?
ReplyDeleteWhooo! I hit that one outta the park!
Fantastic. I can't wait to see the Sweetie movie that Da Bomb is making.
ReplyDeleteI wish this site was chocolate covered.
ReplyDeleteYes, me too. IMAX is the only way I roll.
ReplyDeleteOh, you think your Imax format is so big. Hey wait, it is really big! Maybe I will take Don Muracco out to see a picture show.
ReplyDeleteyour cotton recomendations are great. I boutgh one of each. I like to stand on corners and ask people what kind of shoes they wear. hilary in '08
ReplyDeleteWow, almost a 2 years already! Many congrats!
ReplyDeleteEight Scene – We return to Sweetie during his high school years.
ReplyDeleteIn this scene Sweetie will either be loved or hated by his peers for always getting away with anything he'd do. Some would want him expelled, others want him for Class President. On this extremely eventful day, the audience is invited to follow Sweetie, his best pal and his girlfriend from morning to afternoon (when they all should have been in school), enjoying a holiday declared by the resourceful Sweetie.
They get to speed on the freeway in a Ferrari, sing "Danke Schoen" on an Octoberfest Float, eat at the most exclusive restaurant in town and always keep just one step ahead of a furious principal in hot pursuit. With fake computer grade and attendance records, Sweetie has it made.
Ninth Scene – In this scene Sweetie will be working in his hometown. He is in his 40’s.
The acting will all be great. Sweetie not perfect and that's pretty much essential to the film's success because Sweetie could be *any* man. The lesson of the scene is fairly simple - we all have our role to play in the world and we are all important. Most movies would make this into a schmaltzy affair but will be delivered in a touching, heart warming tale. We will see Sweetie consistently denying himself to allow others to live as he sacrifices his life to make sure people can have enough money to avoid having to sell-their-soul in debt to the evil H. Potter (alas not a Harry Potter...). His complete and utter humility is great - he doesn't see how much he accomplished until his guardian angel Clarence shows him. Again Clarence isn't played in the usual clichéd manner but more as a believable character who honestly loves Sweetie for his strengths.
Tenth Scene – This scene will take place at Princeton University and Princeton Jct., NJ with Sweetie in his 40’s.
Here we have a marvelous performance that spins as we watch Sweetie fall into despair, every twitch, eyes darting, and Sweetie's helplessness this is not an easy task for any actor. Sweetie is a recluse, almost an autistic savant, we see how he tries out his website, Bunchojunk, by writing on glass windows and stuffing himself in a corner of the library. He is seriously gifted, but a social misfit. Early on we hear how Sweetie describes how a grade school teacher mentioned that he was born with 2 helpings of brain but only 1/2 of heart.
Jeniffer Connely who plays Sweetie’s wife. She is passionate and gives a full perfect 10 performance as well as the wife who is trying to survive with a husband she can't help. But the greatest achievement of this film is how it portrays mental illness from the perspective of the person suffering it.
Most films that deal with someone with a mental condition always place the focus on the people who are outside the person suffering, watching from a distance, trying to understand. Here we have a film that literally puts us in the mind of the sufferer, as to what it is to live with such a debilitating illness. We get Sweetie's sense of accomplishment, but also his demons and paranoia. And probably the most important thing is that we understand that mental illness isn't something that gets cured, the people have to live with it, and it never goes away.
I wasn't planning on an IMAX film. I was going to shoot in CircleVison 360°. I was even going to have the premire in a special theater - everyone will be force to stand under a 360° screen and if you dare to sit on the floor or lean on the wall we will have young Canadian women to yell at your for being disrespectful of their county.
ReplyDeleteMy second choice is to shoot it in MuppetVision 3-D...
Happy anniversary, Sweetie! It has been a memorable 2 years, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteAnd although I know you have no say in it, I would be very disappointed if Joe Mantegna didn't play you in the Bunch o Junk movie.
Please film in MuppetVision 3D! My client needs a paycheck. He also needs a place to hide during hunting season. Anyone wanna put him up for a night? All he needs is a cot or a futon. Even a big ottoman would be cool.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't be more pleased with the idea of the Sweetie movie if it was real.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, then I would be horrified.
I can't help but feel that I've already seen the movie Da Bomb is
ReplyDeletedescribing.
Could it be that you only THINK you have seen it because you know me so well?
ReplyDeleteThat could be. I was afraid I might have been captured by those time traveling gnomes again.
ReplyDeleteI hate those guys so much!
11th Scene – takes place in an intergaration room in a rundown ploice station.
ReplyDeleteSweetie is a super-criminal of almost comic-book stature. Legendary among an underground of testosterone and nicotine-driven low-life 'usual suspects' of this film - Sweetie - remains unseen, fantastic, just outside of the camera's view, and detached from any reality we might call familiar or real.
The narrative begins and almost ends as a retrospective with just a bit of very necessary voice-over narrative by Sweetie. He is interrogated by Palmintieri concerning the murder of several hardened criminals in a single night aboard Russian ship. Most of the major plot points are highlighted wonderfully by the changes of pace and camera work afforded by the shift between one plot - the events leading to Sweetie's interrogation - and another - the interrogation itself.
Sweetie, physically disabled and emotionally disturbed, is himself a desperate, down-on-his luck, petty criminal whose chief talent seems to be getting mixed up with and attaching himself to more talented criminals. His latest 'friend' is a brilliant but depressive thief who is trying to straighten his life out for a woman lawyer he has fallen for. But along with the other 'usual suspects' - expert safe crackers, con men and sociopaths all - are swept up into agreeing to do 'one final job'.
These expert thieves, con men and killers meet in a bogus police line-up one night and from that point on, they are bound together under the control of Sweetie until they either succeed or fail in the crime he has laid before them.
Sweetie has been betrayed, whether directly or indirectly, by each of these men, and he leaves them all no choice. Accept the crime plan or die. They accept, knowing that their odds of success are, to say the least, very limited.
Twelth Scene – Sweetie on the run… If you only comment negatively about one scene in the movie, this is the one.
Sweetie has this presence about him that radiates "coolness”. There were scenes in which hardly any dialogue was spoken, yet whole paragraphs were spoken through facial expressions. That’s a testament to the abilities of the actors right there. The double meaning of the game of hearts explanation was fascinating and fun to decipher.
Plots twists galore, not a single one of them predictable. The terminology will be all new (i.e. bagman / adjudication I think it was...) and will make the viewer feel like they are actually participating in the movie.
This is a thinker’s scene, and some people may not be in the mood for that. The entirely creative car chase scenes and shoot out sequences are enough to satisfy the most mindless action fan, however.
This scene is just cool.
The BIG FINALE – think major musical, twisted with a dance number and rolling credits…
Sweetie addressing the audience “We all lost something important when Jim Henson died. But his magic alone wasn't sufficient to do more than clever skits, both before and after this gem. Some fated match of director, writers, songwriters and puppeteers came together to create an underappreciated masterpiece. Forget the kids -- this is a great work, period. Among the best story-films ever. And nowhere is the enfolding of reality and fantasy more rich than here. But that's just the tokens.”
The real novelty comes in the story. It is a film about the making of itself, with a wonderful sequence at the end where the film is represented in cartoonish props contrasted with a `real' rainbow. Throughout, one weaves between being in the story and observing the story. Sweetie says `I hope you appreciate I'm doing my own stunts.' Think about it.
The songs, themselves self-referential, are important frosting: `why are there so many songs about rainbows?'
`Life is a movie, write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending...' You don't get that in common fare. If you have kids, this is the most educational exposure you can give them among the kiddie offerings. There's nothing more powerful than the ability to perform abstract reasoning and the foundation of that is the play between what things are and what things represent them. Thanks and God bless you, Jim.
11th Scene – takes place in an intergaration room in a rundown ploice station.
ReplyDeleteSweetie is a super-criminal of almost comic-book stature. Legendary among an underground of testosterone and nicotine-driven low-life 'usual suspects' of this film - Sweetie - remains unseen, fantastic, just outside of the camera's view, and detached from any reality we might call familiar or real.
The narrative begins and almost ends as a retrospective with just a bit of very necessary voice-over narrative by Sweetie. He is interrogated by Palmintieri concerning the murder of several hardened criminals in a single night aboard Russian ship. Most of the major plot points are highlighted wonderfully by the changes of pace and camera work afforded by the shift between one plot - the events leading to Sweetie's interrogation - and another - the interrogation itself.
Sweetie, physically disabled and emotionally disturbed, is himself a desperate, down-on-his luck, petty criminal whose chief talent seems to be getting mixed up with and attaching himself to more talented criminals. His latest 'friend' is a brilliant but depressive thief who is trying to straighten his life out for a woman lawyer he has fallen for. But along with the other 'usual suspects' - expert safe crackers, con men and sociopaths all - are swept up into agreeing to do 'one final job'.
These expert thieves, con men and killers meet in a bogus police line-up one night and from that point on, they are bound together under the control of Sweetie until they either succeed or fail in the crime he has laid before them.
Sweetie has been betrayed, whether directly or indirectly, by each of these men, and he leaves them all no choice. Accept the crime plan or die. They accept, knowing that their odds of success are, to say the least, very limited.
Twelth Scene – Sweetie on the run… If you only comment negatively about one scene in the movie, this is the one.
Sweetie has this presence about him that radiates "coolness”. There were scenes in which hardly any dialogue was spoken, yet whole paragraphs were spoken through facial expressions. That’s a testament to the abilities of the actors right there. The double meaning of the game of hearts explanation was fascinating and fun to decipher.
Plots twists galore, not a single one of them predictable. The terminology will be all new (i.e. bagman / adjudication I think it was...) and will make the viewer feel like they are actually participating in the movie.
This is a thinker’s scene, and some people may not be in the mood for that. The entirely creative car chase scenes and shoot out sequences are enough to satisfy the most mindless action fan, however.
This scene is just cool.
The BIG FINALE – think major musical, twisted with a dance number and rolling credits…
Sweetie addressing the audience “We all lost something important when Jim Henson died. But his magic alone wasn't sufficient to do more than clever skits, both before and after this gem. Some fated match of director, writers, songwriters and puppeteers came together to create an underappreciated masterpiece. Forget the kids -- this is a great work, period. Among the best story-films ever. And nowhere is the enfolding of reality and fantasy more rich than here. But that's just the tokens.”
The real novelty comes in the story. It is a film about the making of itself, with a wonderful sequence at the end where the film is represented in cartoonish props contrasted with a `real' rainbow. Throughout, one weaves between being in the story and observing the story. Sweetie says `I hope you appreciate I'm doing my own stunts.' Think about it.
The songs, themselves self-referential, are important frosting: `why are there so many songs about rainbows?'
`Life is a movie, write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending...' You don't get that in common fare. If you have kids, this is the most educational exposure you can give them among the kiddie offerings. There's nothing more powerful than the ability to perform abstract reasoning and the foundation of that is the play between what things are and what things represent them. Thanks and God bless you, Jim.
I like this movie. Pass the popcorn.
ReplyDeleteI think I dialed the wrong number. Is this Oprah?
ReplyDeleteWhat's this all a-boot?
ReplyDeleteSlay em with kindness... oops, I forgot my pants.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of an episode of Hey There it's Yogi Bear. It reminds me of that mostly because I have no frame of reference for things that do not involve cartoons.
ReplyDeleteI like your site, I wish It was a tad more snooty.
ReplyDeleteI find moore good jokes in magazanes then in this web sight.
ReplyDeleteThat's it!! I am out of here - first someone is trying to push Fozzie on me and now Yogi is here. Have you people no soul? Who left this site open for bears to just wonder in?
ReplyDeleteI was taking my father's old clothes to Goodwill when this piece of paper fell out of one of the pockets. On it was written the address for this website. I'm glad I could make it for your second anniversary.
ReplyDeleteI think it depends on what magazine you look in. Since they all depend on revenue, you can find them dependable in that sense.
ReplyDeleteDEPEND HIGH SCHOOL RULES!
You kids keep saying all this nonsense on this website. Nobody wants to hear it. I'm just a pair of pants.
ReplyDeleteChaz Jr.,
ReplyDeletePaper was the first aniversary. You are a year late. Now if the site was embrordered in something cotten, rather than written on paper than welcome. Thanks for coming by...
You know what would be awesome? If Evel jumped over the pants while wearing nothing but his boxer shorts, but then when he landed the pants were miraculously on his body!
ReplyDeleteThat would be sweet.
Oh the lovely ladies sewing and the pants needing mending. No more prancing or dancing. Fa fa fa.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds of the time I was taking a bath in expensive champagne and I raised taxes on someone.
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDelete61 down, 10 to go
LOL
ReplyDelete61 down, 10 to go
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ReplyDeleteRobble can be a verb or noun. You should mention that.
ReplyDeleteThis whole celebration is a sham. I gotta pee.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, are you picking on my son? Don't make me haunt you.
ReplyDeleteJunk is still stupid.
ReplyDeleteI'm number 71! What do I win?
ReplyDeleteThe prize was supposed to be a toaster that was given away by Fox to promote the 1995 film Volcano. It was emblazoned with the logo to the film and read "the coast is toast."
ReplyDeleteUnfortunatly I don't have a toaster like this so you get no prize. Sorry.
BTW, I am excited (and confused) to see Anton back.
You see, I secretly lurk waiting for day junk crumbles like my once great Soviet Russia. I do this because I still angry about you firing me from my job that I don't remember what it was for being so long ago.
ReplyDeleteI also jealous to see all other regular posters to make comeback.
That prize would have went great with my toast shape coasters. I got them at the dollar store and they came in a box that said "the toast is coast." I think they were made in a place where they don't speak English.
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