I have always has a secret longing to live in Japan. As a kid I loved martial arts films and pictured Japan as being a place where ninjas roamed the sidewalks and every discussion ended with a kung fu face-off.
Sure, Lil Sweetie wouldn't have stood a chance in his imagined world of revenge, but it was a dream.
Today, I long for the world of Japan just because it might just be the most bizarre place on the planet.
Take their commercials for example. They often star American superstars who do the commercials assuming that Americans wont see them and the paycheck will cash just the same.
About 10 years ago Arnold Schwatzenegger did a series of spots for an energy drink called Arinamin 7. Arinamin 7 was a drink for Japanese "salarymen" who need a pick-me-up to make it through the day.
Among it's ingredients is nicotine.
In one of the spots Arnold and a date walk through what I think is the set of the Teletubbies. He and his date look happy until a pair of thugs approach.
Then Arnold runs away leaving his date with the two thugs.
I could not be more disappointed.
The next shot shows Arnold by the men's room. Huh? Did he really have to go? Oh wait... he holds up the energy drink and is transformed just like Popeye.
If Popeye was wearing Tito Santana's El Matador getup.
Take a look:
Oh, man! I have spun a few thugs in my time, but never two at once. Kudos to Schwarzenegger for that.
Another spot features a pretty gal popping out of a bottle of Arinamin 7. She sing and dances and then a CGI Arnold pops out of her head shakes Jay Leno's chin at her. Then he finishes morphing and starts laughing like a constipated Eddie Murphy.
Afterward they have a long conversation while wearing giant bottle caps for hats. I don't what they are saying but I hope they are pleading with Franco-American to make Spaghettio's with Sausage.
Another commercial featured a woman opening Arinamin 7 to find Arnold trapped INSIDE the bottle. He rides an old fashioned bike (the kind with the giant front wheel) and flashes the peace sign and sporting a Vanilla Ice hairdo.
Then a golfer opens his bottle to find Arnold floating inside on an inner tube laughing like the studio audience at "America's Funniest Home Videos."
Another spot featured Arnold entertaining some guests at a party. All is going well, until something goes wrong. I am not sure just what. Maybe it's the whole Spaghettio's conversation again.
I know some folks that are still ticked off that they made "Life With Louie" shaped noodles 10 years ago. It CAN be an explosive topic.
Flustered, Arnold runs off and raises the bottle above his head and says "By the power of Greyskull."
I am assuming that last part. Either way, he transforms and the guest is covered by popcorn.
Looking back, maybe Lil Sweetie would have fit PERFECTLY in Japan.