Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Hulk Hands Poetry Slam

This is the very first post ever written for bunchojunk.com:
Here is a poem I wrote about the toy phenomenon known as Hulk Hands:

Hulk Hands
To be like Hulk, such might, such power
Hulking up and smashing walls
I slide you on, you mighty glove
Remember that little girl from the Pepsi commercials?


It appeared on the site on May 15, 2004. I think it is pretty funny, but, I obviously didn't work too hard on it.

Here is a brand new Hulk Hands poem:
I wake and Hulk Hands play around my bed
Green like Kermit to my wondering eyes
Upwards to the glorious Bixby I raise my head
Then lay me down and thoughts of Hulk arise


This is another attempt:
If Hulk Hogan stole bread in Iran
As punishment they would cut off his hand
Still, one could not wear it as a glove
That is the reason it is Hulk Hands I love


So now, it is your turn! Comment with your best Hulk Hands poem!

18 comments:

  1. Athwart the bed
    I sing a Hulk Hands song
    Made of foam, yet mighty and strong,
    That for a hand it is green
    Like the color of an infected spleen
    I raise my head, --
    The splendid moon and trees
    The droop my head,
    did I mention I have a beard of bees?

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  2. Roses are red
    Hulk Hands are green
    In Russia toys are illegal

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  3. My Hulk Hands
    walked through concert doors
    and roamed all over coliseum floors
    I stepped on stage,
    at Live Aid
    All the people gave
    and then I met Lou Ferrigno

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  4. For my lover Betsy who walks with me

    Make pilgrimage with me to this sweet shire

    To stroll her festive hills and never tire

    And step into a time so long gone by

    And not to ask nor even wonder why

    Perfumed her breasts and flowers would she wear

    Feathers wreathes and ribbons in her hair

    And should debauchery and lust hold sway

    Thy saucy company with me would play

    For every lord and squire within this glade

    Arm-in-arm with you I'd promenade

    And sup we would and lift our glass of ale

    And watch yon jester weave a spicy tale

    And stay all day would I and dance and laugh and sing

    And celebrate with you dear Betsy

    The rites of wearing Hulk Hands!!! Huzza!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. OK, I'll give it a shot:

    You were my strength when I was weak
    You were my voice when I couldn't speak
    You were my eyes when I couldn't see
    You saw the best there was in me
    Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
    You gave me faith 'coz you believed
    I'm everything I am
    Because of Hulk Hands

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  6. Here is my verision based on the Jewel hit, "Hands"

    My Hulk Hands are small I know
    But they are not yours, they are my own
    And my Hulk Hands are never broken
    We are never broken
    We are God's eyes
    We are God's Hulk Hands
    We are God's mind
    We are God's Hulk Hands

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  7. It would truly be AWESOME
    If Evel Knievel had Hulk Hands
    and jumped over tv's Blossom
    While music was played by bands
    And if Knievel had Hulk feet
    Oh man that would be SSSSSWWWWWWEEEEEETTTTTT

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  8. Gene Hackman is so cool that Hulk Hands wear him!
    Gene Hakman is so cool that weights lift him at a gym!
    Gene Hackman is so cool that poetry rhymes him!
    Gene Hackman is so cool that Hulk Hands wear him!

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  9. There once was Hulk Hands fron Nantucket
    They got frequently got stuck in a bucket
    Their owner got so mad he tried to chuck it
    Until one day they were signed by Kirby Puckett

    ReplyDelete
  10. Big and green, mighty toy
    Put them on girl or boy
    Raise them high above your head
    Soon this fad will be over and dead

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous9/29/2004

    Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia,
    Up in my bedroom, making love
    I got up to wash my Hulk Hands
    When I come back to bed
    Someone's taken my night stand

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  12. Anonymous9/29/2004

    Hulk Hands: By Doug Pastry

    Oh Hither was the hands of time
    For me the green flesh hand pound rhyme
    The tither toss of the glow brown hair
    Was further toast to the mental glare

    The green hulk hands hath captured me
    I glance once more thus indeed I see
    The hands of Hulk swinging close to me
    I know the hands of Hulk are green

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous9/29/2004

    Hulk Hands: By Doug Pastry

    .......shalom........

    ReplyDelete
  14. Robble Robble Robble Robble Robble
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    Robble Robble Robble Robble Robble Robble
    Robble Robble Robble Robble Robble Hulk Hands

    ReplyDelete
  15. Listen up and I shall tell
    A story of a girl I know so well
    She was a Duff named Hilary
    And she did not like working in a millery
    She decided to sing songs with bands
    And everywhere she went, she brought her Hulk Hands

    The Hulk Hands were part of her act
    Although entertainment value they sure lacked
    Never without Hulk Hands was she seen
    That they inspired her song, "Coming Clean"

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  16. I am big fan of Avril Lavigne
    Although some think she's quite mean
    I'm sure she be would never be seen
    with Hulk Hands that are such bright green

    She's done a lot of cool stuff
    Although we have not had enough
    I'll bet we can all agree
    there is too much Hilary Duff

    BTW: Sorry I haven't posted here in awhile. I've been very busy lately. I've been stockpiling Duff in hopes of creating a world wide Duff shortage and then waiting until the worldwide demand for Duff increases to such a level people will pay big bucks for Duff. Then I plan to gradually sell off small amounts of Duff with the goal of making a fortune on the worldwide Duff market.

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  17. Anonymous10/02/2004

    Doc Bruce Banner,

    Pelted by gamma rays,

    Turned into the Hulk.

    Ain't he unglamorous!

    Wreckin' the town

    With the power of a bull,

    Ain't no monster cause.

    Who is that lovable?

    It's ever lovin' Hulk!...HULK!! HANDS!

    -KATZ

    ReplyDelete