Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Handsome Frank: The 14th President of the United States


Franklin Pierce, the 14th President of the United States, had the nickname Handsome Frank. I know, it sounds like the nickname that a pool shark or a hit man would have, but it was the nickname of the leader of the free world.

Frank was born in Hillsborough, New Hampshire, in 1804. At the age of 24 he was elected to the legislature of New Hampshire. Pierce served in the Mexican War and received the Democratic Presidential nomination in 1852.
The campaign used the slogan: "We Polked you in 1844; we shall Pierce you in 1852."

This was tried again in 2004 when the Democratic Party briefly used the slogan "We Gored you in 2000; we shall Kerry a gun and shoot you with it in 2004."

Franks opponent was Gen. Winfield Scott a member of the Whig party, Pierce won with a narrow margin of popular votes.

During Frank's single presidential term (1853-1857) America had only 31 states and no computer animated films about a fish who sounds like Albert Brooks. It was truly a darker age.

Frank's Vice President was a man named William R. King. It is a shame he was only VP and not king. People could say 'Our King is William R. King, our King. William R. King.' They could also say 'I like stupid puns.'

After four years in office, Frank was not re-nominated. This was a major disappointment for him and he reportedly said "there's nothing left to do but get drunk."

And get drunk he did. Frank even ran down a pedestrian in his carriage while driving drunk. After many years of heavy drinking Frank died of cirrhosis of the liver.

On a happier note we now have computer animated films about a fish who sounds like Albert Brooks.




Interesting facts about Pierce:

Franklin Pierce was the first President to have a Christmas tree in the White House.

Franklin Pierce is the only President to have said "I promise" instead of "I swear" at his Inauguration.

Pierce installed the first central-heating system in the White House.

Pierce was the first president born in the 19th century.

He is distant relative of Barbara Bush, mother of US President George W. Bush and wife of US President George H. W. Bush.




Interesting facts I just made up about Pierce:

He insisted on wearing gloves during dinner, but not on his hands.

The Sesame Street character Elmo was based on Pierce's wife.

Pierce’s wife was short and covered in red fur.

In Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents, he is the only President depicted shirtless.

Often took advice from Postmaster General James Campbell and Secretary of the Navy James Dobbin, whom he called 'My peeps, yo.'

Couldn't pronounce the word 'Washington.' Instead he called the nation's capitol 'Wa-la-la D.C.'

15 comments:

  1. Awesome! I never thought I would LIKE reading about Presidents!

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  2. I will now call it Wa-lala DC as well!

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  3. Anonymous9/21/2004

    I like reading comments from Presidential candidates on the posts about Presidents.

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  4. when the Democratic Party briefly used the slogan "We Gored you in 2000; we shall Kerry a gun and shoot you with it in 2004." I thought we nixed Teresa's idea for a campaign slogan.

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  5. Anonymous9/21/2004

    Speak of the devil

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  6. Rule Number One: Do Not Talk About Handsome Frank

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  7. It is a well known fact that during Franklin Pierce's drunk years, he frequently hosted celebrity roasts. Pierce would stand at the podium with a glass of gin in one hand and tell jokes, sing a medley of Sammy Cahn tunes, and poke fun of the celebrity (often dubbed, "Man of the Hour"). They were a big hit. Ruth Buzzi would often show up and hit people with her purse.

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  8. Today's Obvious Joke of the Day:

    The campaign used the slogan: "We Polked you in 1844; we shall Pierce you in 1852."

    I believe that's also Jim McGreevey's reelection slogan AND number one pick up line.

    Today's Obvious Joke of the Day sponsored by Jeep Grand Cherokee of White Plains. Just off the Sprain Parkway at Old Post Road and by Miller Lite. Miller, what Franklin Pierce drank after he left office.

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  9. Hall of Famer,

    Your joke is niether obvious nor is it a joke. While it is a subtle play on Jim McGreevey's recent admission of his homosexuality, McGreevey was born on August 6, 1957 and therefore not alive in the 19th century. As such, despite his inclination to Polk or Pierce a man, he would not have been able to perform these lurid acts in 1844 or 1852. Thus, the joke is fallous and not funny.

    I would expect the Jeep Grand Cherokee of White Plains to obtain more value for it's sponsorhsip dollars than your sophomoric attempt at humor.

    Regards,

    Leon

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  10. You know what would be AWESOME?? If right before Franklin Pierce's carriage was about to hit a pedestrian, Evel Knievel's bike jumped over the carriage and stopped right in between the pedestrian and Pierce's carriage, sparing her life. Then Knievel said, "I'm sorry Mr. President, I think you've had enough." Then Pierce sobered up and realized the error of his ways. Then Evel Knievel and Franklin Pierce hopped on Knievel's time bike and traveled into the future to prevent the assination of William McKinley. McKinley is so grateful that he, Knievel, and Pierce travel to 1863 to prevent the Lincoln assination, but John Wilkes Booth accidently shot Evel Knievel. So after McKinley and Pierce knock Booth out, they travel forward and time and bring back Robby Knievel for a dangerous blood transfusion. Despite 1800s medical limitations, the transfusion is successful. Then McKinley, Pierce, Lincoln, Evel Knivel and Robby Knievel travel to 1964 and save President Kennedy from Lee Harvey Oswald. They convince Lee Harvey Oswald to join the side of good. Then McKinley, Pierce, Lincoln, Kennedy, Evel Knievel, Lee Harve Oswald, and Robby Knievel travel to the early 1990s and help the Bills win 4 straight Super Bowls. Oh man that would be SSSSSSSWWWWWWEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

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  11. You know what would be AWESOME?? If Evel Knievel hopped on his time-cycle and traveled back to immediately before Franklin Pierce's carriage hit a pedestrian. Knievel stops the gets in between the carriage, stopping it and tells the boozed up Pierce, "Sir. I think you've had enough." Knievel than sponsors Pierce in A.A. Once Pierce gets out of rehab, he and Knievel hop on the time-cycle to stop the assination of William McKinley. Then, Pierce, Knievel, and McKinley travel to 1863 to stop John Wilkes Booth from shooting Abe Lincoln. During the struggle, Booth shoots Knievel, who requires a massive blood transfusion. McKinley and Pierce travel forward and snatch Robby Knievel, the only proper match for Evel Knievel. After a harrowing 18 hour surgery, Knievel recovers. Then William McKinley, Abe Lincoln, Evel Knievel, and Robby Knievel travel to Dallas to prevent the assination of John Kennedy. The 4 heroes convince Oswald to renounce his evil ways and fight for good. Then McKinley, Lincoln, Evel Knievel, Lee Harve Oswald, and Robby Knievel travel to 1990 and help the Bills win 4 straight Super Bowls. Oh man that would be SSSSWWWWWWWEEEEETTTTTT!!!!

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  12. UGH! Is THAT what they called handsome back then????

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